God Is Talking

Let the CRAZINESS Begin!

2012-01-08T20:21:00.003-05:00

After 4 VERY nice weeks of a more relaxed schedule, it is time to start the craziness again! School started up this past Wed. It was nice to go back to a 3-day week. Spring semester of Grad school starts tomorrow. 3rd grade basketball club (3:15-4 for 7 days) begins tomorrow!!! I also start the Jillian Michaels 30-day shred tomorrow....

I do enjoy a full schedule. Last semester I didn't do so well balancing teaching, school, God, and life. I am planning on doing better. It is so much to balance and I tend to get INCREDIBLY overwhelmed at times. It is also super tough for me to say no to friends and family who want to hang out or spend time together.

I am currently reading Lady in Waiting. It is a wonderful book/study on bettering myself, through God's eyes, from the inside out. One thing that has been reiterated to me is the importance of having Christ first in all I do. Being a single person, living by myself, I can get very wrapped up in me. When this happens my stress level is through the roof and I get very world-focused. These past 4 weeks have been good: I have slowed down a TON!!! I was reminded of the importance of relationships...family and friends. I need that to keep me fueled.

So, off I head into the craziness of being Dina. I am filled up and ready for this next 16 weeks. I would be humbled by your prayers. I have goals that I want to stick to:
1. God time daily
2. Keep up with teaching (planning, grading)
3. Grad school (putting my BEST effort forth)
4. exercise
5. family and friend time
6. daily household things :)

And please, if you ask me to do something and my answer is "no" or "I can't", don't be offended.

Much love and God bless!

Holy Crap, it's 2012!

2012-01-02T10:16:00.004-05:00

Is it me or does it seem weird that we are already in 2012? I cannot believe another year is upon us!

I am sure everyone is making resolutions for the new year. I get tired of them honestly. I've made some resolutions, start out gung-ho, then never follow through. But I am going to try again this year with hope that I will follow through.

This year's goals:
become a better student of the Word
be healthier
blog at least once every two weeks
work on the landscaping around my house
paint all the white walls in my house
get a 4.0 in grad school
finish reading the Harry Potter series (time number 2 through it)
be debt free (minus my mortgage)
buy new furniture

I always look forward to a new year. You can see my 2011 recap here.

Happy 2012 to you all!

Where I belong

2011-08-15T05:54:00.003-04:00

Little did I know 5 months ago when I walked into Vineyard Community Church in Syracuse, that I was walking into my new church home. It was very welcoming, alive, and REAL! I knew a few faces, including Shannon. She had been asking when I was going to check out Vineyard, so I did.

There have been several moments over that past 5 months to confirm that I am where I belong. Yesterday was the icing on the cake. It was Family Worship Day...a day when the whole family stays for the entire worship service (usually kids 4th grade and under go to children's ministry). I was blown away! The church does this to emphasize the importance of family!!!!! Seriously, this is something that is disappearing from churches if you ask me.

Worship was let by kids - I'm guessing they were 5th-7th graders, if that. The sermon was about "Cultivating a Hear of Obedience." Pastor Sheldon explained that we have to be role models in life, words, and love. This is not possible without God!

As a teacher, this really hit home as today is the first day of school (students come tomorrow). And if the sermon wasn't enough, ministry time just added to it. It was an interactive prayer time: praying over students, teachers, children's ministry team members, youth pastors, youth volunteers..... It was the first time in 10 years that a church has done this. My spirit was moved, tears were streaming down my face. During each part, we were encouraged to move around the room and lay hands on those we were praying for. My feet were stuck! I was so overwhelmed with the recognition of this mission field called school. I was humbled to have hands laid on me, prayers over me for my school year.

The heart of Vineyard is a weekly reminder that I am where I belong. God planted me where HE needs me to be too.

a little of this and a little of that

2011-08-11T07:59:00.004-04:00

Did you think I was done blogging forever? I won't lie, the thought crossed my mind. Sometimes I just don't think my blog is doing anything for His kingdom and wonder why I keep blogging. I feel somewhat narcissistic....

Anywho I've had about a dozen people ask me in the past week if I was going to blog again, so I guess that is a sign. Then comes the do I try to catch up or just pick up right now with life......? I'm opting for choice #2.

This summer has been a fun, busy, crazy summer as always. I started grad school, worked at Sock's Marina, spent time with friends, and took an amazing road trip.

Grad school was kind of last-minute due to some decisions at the state level about salary ...blah, blah, blah. I enjoy being a student and was intending on starting Masters work this fall, so I got a little jump start. If all goes as planned I will have my Masters of ElEd and a license for High Ability Ed by Christmas 2012! I'm pretty much kissing my life goodbye, but want to get things done.

My road trip was AWESOME!!!! I was gone for 2 1/2 weeks. Mom and I met up with my Aunt Pam (from FL) at my grandparent's in Arkansas. From there Mom, Aunt Pam, Gma, and I drove to California for my cousin, Katie's, wedding. We drove about 8000 miles and spent 100 hours driving. States that I traveled include: Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, and Kansas. I saw some pretty beautiful places, spent time with family that I don't see too often, and had an all-around wonderful time. It was much needed :) I added some pics from the summer too:

Katie and I at her wedding

Mom and I in San Francisco

Lighthouse in Lake Havasu, AZ

Driving through Utah

Lake Tahoe

Chili, Isaiah, Recliner

2011-02-07T06:23:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was a great day!

I finished reading through Leviticus. Today I begin Numbers.

I went to the Church of God. I am enjoying my time there, but still not feeling like it is time to settle on a church. I am ready to be done, but God clearly has other places for me to try. The sermon was great as was the music. It felt good to sing my heart out to Jesus.

After church I got to hang out with a great group of girls that I have connected with at the Church of God. I am blessed by how they have invited me into their group and accepted me. We had a HUGE, yummy lunch and then dove into Isaiah. So much to learn from the Israelites (I have a feeling this is an on-going theme of the OT). I love digging into scripture with others and learning.

Then, last night, I got to hang out with one of my favorite families...the Holsopples. My good friends, Darin and Darcy, had peeps over for the Superbowl. It was a wonderful time. There was more food (I don't think I need to eat for a few days!), great company, cutiehead kiddos, and FOOTBALL. I even got to sit in the recliner....Darin decided to have a little competition for the "best seat in the house" and I won. I guessed the closest to the opening kickoff return! Wooo hoo!

So (despite the Packers winning) it was a great day! I needed a great day too. Thanks Jesus.

let the truth be known...

2011-01-30T18:42:00.004-05:00

I consider myself a very honest person. If you ask how I am, I will tell you. If you ask if something is wrong, I will tell you. Today this happened...several times.

I am in a funk. I don't know how else to describe it. I am totally myself, but it is the self that not many people see and I can't hide it right now. It has made me very vulnerable, it makes others uncomfortable, and everyone seems to want to fix it. I'm not a fan of being in a funk but I know that it is part of my walk. I don't like others to see the insecure me, unless I want them to. But right now I can't seem to hide that from those who know me.

I was grateful for a few people that I crossed paths with today. One was a former teacher who I saw at church. She said, "Hey, how are you?" I replied, "I'm ok." She got a semi-concerned look on her face and said, "Are you ok?" To which I replied, "I'm just in a funk lately." And that was that. No pity look, no remorsefulness, no quick fix....AND FOR THAT I WAS SO BLESSED. Another person is a friend that I haven't talked to for a while. She called to talk about humidifiers and asked how I was doing. I could tell her exactly how I am...lonely, hurting, frustrated with some things at school, in a funk. And she just encouraged me. Another friend and I were emailing back and forth and she asked where I had been going to church lately. I told her that this whole church hunting is wearing on me right now and that satan is attacking. She didn't try to solve anything, she just encouraged me that this is a season and God will use it.

I'm going to be honest (like I always am).....Sometimes we just have a "bad" day, or don't want to put on our happy shield, or are going through a season in life where IT IS OK TO NOT HAVE THE PERKY ATTITUDE! I'm not going to lie to someone when they ask how I am, just to avoid an awkward moment. I want to be honest. I want to be real. My honesty may encourage someone else to know that it's ok not to "have it all together" every moment of every day.

News flash: I AM A HUMAN BEING and God tells me I will go through trying times. My walk is not perfect, nor am I. But my God is perfect, His love endures all, and His timing is best for me. So, I am going to embrace this funk. I am going to be honest with people that I am hurting right now. And I am going to continue clinging to my heavenly Father, knowing that He has be in His hands.

I'm Not Alright!

2011-01-24T21:51:00.002-05:00

Today was a day where, if you know me very well, you could probably tell that I'm not alright. Now I am VERY GOOD at putting up a great front. And my day was all-around good. But I am not alright right now. I am lonely, worn out, and battling the world.

The "world" seems to think that I have a disease called singleness. According to the world, primarily the midwest, this is a nasty disease that must have some underlying explanation. This disease warrants the ever-so-famous "I'm sorry," or "there's GOT to be someone for you," or (my favorite) "no one is good enough for you?!" Ugh...it is exhausting. I am okay 95% of the time.

However, today falls into that 5% of not being ok. I'm tired of wondering if I am doing something wrong. I'm tired of wondering when my day will come. I'm tired of this longing in my heart to minister in ways that are not possible outside of marriage. I am tired of being lonely. I am tired of putting on a happy face when my insides are absolutely crushed.

I'm not alright today. And I think it is perfectly ok to have this day. I know tomorrow is a new day. I know that I don't have a disease. I know that the world is fighting for my soul. But I know who I am and WHOSE I am. My soul is spoken for. And HE knows that I am not alright today. And I know that HE will give me peace.

Here is the song that I am clinging to today. "I'm not alright" by Sanctus Real. You can watch the music video here. This is the chorus:
I'm not alright, I'm broken inside
Broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to You
It leads me to You

Unexpected Day!

2011-01-19T18:28:00.004-05:00

Thank you God for today. School was closed today due to crappy roads and I was happy. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MY JOB! But today, I just needed a day.

I have been going going going....blogging, reading, grading, teaching, visiting friends, coaching, church hunting.... I needed a day for me. I really do love being busy, but sometimes I forget how great a day off is.

And, I had a minor melt down last night. I have been very lonely lately. For the most part, it has been a good lonely. However, sometimes I find that satan works his grimy, snarling hooks into the good and twists it with lies. Last night, I couldn't fight anymore and cried for a good hour. I am just finding that this season of life is TOUGH! I am in-between churches, lacking community, and wonder if God is going to do anything about it.

Then, I get today. I had my quiet time (read about it here ), drank some coffee, relaxed on the couch with Linus, worked on some fun things, and stayed in my jammies and glasses! It was much needed. And it reminded me that God is fully aware of me and my life and my struggles and my needs.

Thank you, God, for today.

Hoarfrost

2011-01-09T20:42:00.002-05:00

hoarfrost: frozen dew that forms a white coating on a surface. Also called white frost.

Did you see it this morning? It was everywhere and it was absolutely breath-taking! I couldn't help but wonder if that was just for me. I know it's a selfish thing to think, but I thought it.

Do you ever have those moments when you pray with all your might that God would do something JUST FOR YOU? Something to affirm that He hears you? Something that is specific to who you are as a person?

Hoarfrost was my answer this morning. God knows me. He knows that I notice creation. He knows that I LOVE snow. He knows that frost like this morning's melts me.

And to HIM I give the glory.

The Start of Something

2011-01-01T21:28:00.003-05:00

I'm starting the new year with 2, yes 2, daily "things" and a NEW blog, 365 Days of 2011, that you can view here.

I know it is rather cliche' to start new things with a new year, but it makes sense. I mean, it is a NEW year so why not start something NEW. Seriously it's a no-brainer!

So, what are my new things you ask.... Well I have vowed to take a picture every day. I am also reading through the Bible, one day at a time, for the entire year!!! I have 4 chapters down and a lot more to go.

Why, you ask, did I decide these 2 things. I'll tell you..... Reading through the Bible in a year is something I have always wanted to try. So much so that I have attempted it at least 4 times before this. This time is different. I have a deep down desire to do this, to develop discipline, to spend daily time in the Word. The pictures, well I have a great camera and I just don't use it enough. So I am challenging myself to take a picture every day. I am by no means a photographer, but I like to take pics.

There you have it. The start of something new. I am going to try to be more consistent about posting on here too. So, feel free to hassle me if I am not.

Much love to you who read and HAPPY 2011!

Lessons Learned in "Twenty Ten"

2010-12-29T07:34:00.003-05:00

I've been rather reminiscent this Christmas Break. It has been very good, very healing, and very encouraging. I don't know if I am the only one who does this (I'm guessing I'm not alone), but I always take time to think back through my year. I journaled some of my thoughts:

This has been a good year, strange, but good. I've grown (mostly in the past 3 months). I've learned by my mistakes that God is SO good, gracious, and protecting.

I've learned that I am worthy of love and pursuit.

I've learned that my body is a temple/dwelling of God and I need to take better care - physically, emotionally, spiritually.

I've been reminded of the amazing friends that have been put in my life. I'm not sure I could have made it through some days without their love, concern, and prayers.

I've learned that I go through seasons in life. They are part of HIS plan and will grow me.

I've learned that it is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone. No matter the intentions, someone will be upset.

I've learned that I am a strong woman. Heartache and pain have pushed me to seek out strength from the Lord. Strength. His strength can get me through the toughest of times.

I've learned that I really desire to be a wife and mom. It is not just a girlish dream. It is deep in my heart for HIS kingdom

I've learned that God is the only one I can trust 100% with my heart. Anyone else is a risk, but those risks must be taken.

I've learned that I am going to mess up, BIG TIME! But God can and will redeem me when I come to Him.

I've learned that I'm glad this isn't the end for me. I have a wonderful life, but it comes with pain. I'm anxious for the day when I am truly home...for eternity...with my Savior.

It truly has been a good year. I am looking forward to the next year. Where will God take me?

How many times have you prayed "THE PRAYER"

2010-12-25T07:33:00.005-05:00

It usually starts like this:

"If there is anyone here today that doesn't know Jesus, I want you to pray this simple prayer with me." -pastor

I will admit, I have prayed that prayer EVERY time I hear those words at the end of a message. I gave my heart to Jesus over 13 years ago! But I never fail to pray that prayer. And I always wonder WHY I feel the need to pray it. I know where I am with Jesus. I know that I have personal relationship. And I KNOW him. But I just can't stop myself.

Yesterday morning I was catching up on the sermon series "REBEL" from Grace Community Church. I was in tears the entire time. At the end of the message, during prayer, Pastor Jim said those words from the beginning of this post. I found myself sitting at my desk, tears falling to the desktop, arms wide open, praying that prayer. The prayer of salvation.

Why do we....maybe it's just me....but why do I do this? Is it uncertainty in my salvation? Is it support for those who are praying for the FIRST time? Is it so that those around me hear me?

No.
No.
No.

I'll tell you why I do this.

Matthew 16:24 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'"

Luke 9:23 "Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, eh must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'"

John 12:25-26 "'The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.'"

We are called to DAILY surrender ourselves to God and HIS good, pleasing, and perfect will. THE PRAYER should be a daily prayer for believers; confessing our sin, acknowledging the need for Jesus to intercede in our lives, humbling ourselves before the Creator of all that is.

Pastor Jim's message made me look at things a little bit different, see things in a new way. Be blessed this day, the day of Jesus's birth. Not because a precious, cute baby was born but because the Savior of the world was delivered to earth. He was born and had a mission...a mission to live, minister, love, proclaim God, be an example, serve, die, and rise to live FOREVER.

this morning

2010-12-22T09:24:00.003-05:00

Here is my view this morning....

The snow is beginning to fall. I am catching up on stuff....email, Facebook, blog reading, sermon watching, stuff. As I was reading my friend Marah's blog I came across this video. It was a good reminder for me.

I have struggled this year with the "stuff" of Christmas. For those of you who know me, that is not normal. I find pure joy in giving to others. I don't know if it is financial issues. I don't know if it is because of the season of life. I don't know if God is really trying to dig into my heart. I just want to spend time with people. That would make me happier than giving gifts. Time would make me happier than getting gifts. Time is what I want to give this year.

This video got me thinking about Christmas. What is it that I truly love about the Christmas season?

I love that Jesus is EVERYWHERE! Seriously, this is HIS birthday celebration.
I see so many of the people that don't live close by as they come home to be with family.
Christmas music!!!!
I spend loads of time with my family.
Being at home with my puppy (new for me this year).
Opening my home for friends to come over and visit. This truly makes my heart happy.
This year - SNOW!!!!!

None of that has to do with buying things. None of it has to do with getting stuff. Don't get me wrong, that is all good, but this time of year is SO MUCH MORE than all of that!

Jesus truly is the reason for this time. It is named after HIM, for HIM, in honor of HIM. We should be like HIM and give this season. We should be like HIM and rejoice in our Heavenly Father this season. We should be like HIM and consider those less fortunate.

Those are just my thoughts this morning as I sit and catch up on the stuff of my life. I am ever grateful for the life that I have. I am blessed by the snow that is falling. I am humbled that God sent his Son to earth over 2000 years ago so that I could be in this moment this morning, in awe of what I have because of what HE gave.

Running

2010-10-11T05:51:00.004-04:00

Nope I'm not physically running. Tried that and learned that running is not for me! I pretty much knew this about myself but I can be challenged into trying almost anything. I lost the challenge.

No, the running I'm talking about is running to Jesus.

I have had a new experience in the past month. You see, when life doesn't work out the way I think it should I tend to get angry and run away from God. I listen to the lies that God doesn't care and that I'm not good enough for God and that what I want doesn't matter at all.

But the past month has been much different. In the midst of confusion and hurt and not understanding why things are happening, I found myself running to Jesus! I can't get enough of HIM. HE is what helps me get through each day. HE is teaching me. HE is loving me. HE is revealing things about scripture, about who I am created to be, about time. HE is what I am clinging to.

I don't have the answers that I want. But, I am learning more and more every day that God has the answers that He wants for my life. My only job in all of this is to trust, in faith, that God knows best for me.

I am currently engulfed in our women's Bible study at church: Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed; A Study of David by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, and Kay Arthur. There have been some amazing truths revealed to my heart in all of this....

"If we truly believed the great God of the universe listens intently to the cry of our hearts and responds with power in our circumstances, we would never meet any circumstance without deciding to access the ear of God."

"Whatever your life entails right now - no matter how far removed it seems from what you expected - HE has anointed you and divinely equipped you to not merely handle it but to thrive in it."

"When God does something we don't expect, it can shake our faith and cause distrust."

My faith has been shaken! But I have been awakened! The greatest thing I am learning is that God DOES love me, He DOES have a plan for me, and HE will NEVER leave me.

And through all of this I am able to say, "Praise be to God!"

Amen

SLAP you in the face!

2010-09-15T21:13:00.002-04:00

I received the proverbial slap in the face this past Sunday as I sat in church. The sermon was on the parable of the lost sheep. You know....the one where Jesus asks the shepherds if they would leave 99 sheep to go find a lost one? Yeah, I have been that lost one. I didn't realize it until the sermon began and my ears and heart opened.

You see, I have conveniently placed God on the backburner. I hadn't totally disregarded my relationship with him, but I had made some choices that clearly were not Christ-like. It never fails, at the moment that I make those choices they never seem like a big deal. But let them build and build upon each other and before I know it.....

SLAP!!!!!

That is exactly what happened. I had been emotional, irritable, grouchy, snappy, and weepy. I had no idea why. Then.....

SLAP!!!!!!

Duh...I had not been investing in my relationship with Christ. Nor had I let Christ into some very important aspects of my life. I wanted control. I thought I knew what was best for Dina. I had everything under control. Then.....

SLAP!!!!!

My world changed and I was lost. I had wandered away and was crying out to be rescued. And that is exactly what God did. He rescued me. Right there in that pew on Sunday morning, he spotted me off in the distance. As the day progressed, he moved in closer, never taking his eye off of me. By Sunday evening God had scooped me up and showered me with love. It was the love of the Father that I had desperately missed and didn't realize until that exact moment.

I know that it isn't always easy to make the "good" choice in some moments. I know that choosing Christ goes totally against the world. I know that choosing Christ can sometimes mean that I stand alone.

But I know that choosing Christ pays off in the end, eternally.

GO!

2010-08-08T21:45:00.005-04:00

I was blessed with an opportunity to be on a director team for a week of camp at Camp Adventure. My role was counseling director. I got to work with 23 counselors and 109 jr high students. I also had the privilege of speaking at morning Hillside worship.

Our theme this year was "Facebook Faith" and was very relevant to the kids.

I want to share the final day with you all. This is the day that impacted me the most in preparation for camp, during camp, and continues to dig in my heart.

The daily theme for Friday was "Friend Suggestions". I have no idea how it impacted the students, counselors, or other directors. I do know that God reached right into my heart and challenged me. I just want to share the message with you all, not knowing who may read this. And my prayer is that you are challenged as well.

So, camp is almost over. You are about to go home. What are you gonna tell people at home about camp? Are you gonna talk about all the fun stuff you did? Will you talk about your cabin? Will you tell about your counselors and directors? Will you tell about the new friendships? Are you going to tell people about Jesus?
I know for me, that is usually the last thing I tell people...especially my family. It is so much easier for me to talk about all of the fun stuff verses how my life was impacted by Jesus. Today we are talking about friend suggestions. We have learned about the greatest friend ever this week. Will you suggest HIM to others? In Mark 16:15-16 and Matthew 28:19-20 we are commanded to GO tell the world about Jesus. We aren't told to tell them about the Blob or paintball or high ropes or messy games. We are commanded to GO and tell them "the good news"....that's Jesus.
If you go home and never mention what you learned about Jesus, then we did not do the ministry that we, as directors and counselors, we called to do. If you leave camp and didn't see the love of Jesus, then camp was unsuccessful.
Jesus is the reason that we are all here. He is the reason that we have this camp. He is the reason for the fun, your cabins, the counselors and directors, and the friendships. Will you go? Will you GO and tell people about Jesus?

I'm challenged! And I took the challenge to heart. I made sure to tell everyone who asked, about my Jesus experience at camp. It was tough! It was toughest when it was my unbelieving family members and friends who knew I was at camp. But I did it!!!!

So, I ask you....Will you GO and tell people about Jesus? Will you tell your family? your friends? your classmates? your co-workers? your wives/husbands? your neighbors? Who in your life needs to know about the friend that you have in Jesus?

GO and tell them!

Worthy of Pursuit

2010-06-30T23:42:00.002-04:00

Yes, this is the second post in one day! I have gotten pretty behind in my blogging. But there are seasons for everything....including blogging.

If you haven't read my post titled "Daily Love" I am going to ask that you scroll down and read it first. It will help this one make a little more sense.

I have recently begun to believe that I am worthy of pursuit. This has been a HUGE struggle for me for the past 10 years. Bare with me as I share a tad bit of my testimony.....

I have had a few, 3 to be exact, of what I would call "serious" relationships. Two of them were in highschool. One guy I dated on and off for most of highschool. The other I dated for a few months while the other guy and I were on poor terms. The third guy, we'll call him Ted, I dated early in college. We had dated a little while I was in high school, but ended it before I graduated. Well, we got back together soon after I started college. I thought it was the perfect relationship. Ted took me on sweet dates, wrote me love letters, called me, visited me at school, and said nice things to me. Not long into our relationship we got rather physical and didn't set boundaries. Our relationship got the point where the physical aspect seemed expected. The nice things he did and said seemed to have underlying expectations. But, I was convinced that I was going to marry Ted, so I justified it all. Needless to say, we broke up. It was tough. I truly was in love with Ted and was preparing myself to spend my life with him. This sent me seeking out guys for the physical aspect rather than anything else. I thought that was what would make them want me and pursue me. It was all part of my 10 year plan to be married after college, have a family, and find a job.

About 5 years after Ted and I ended alot of the the repressed emotion began to surface. I felt sick about the things I had done and experienced outside of marriage. Praise God for his protection and my virginity (which I am still holding on to at the age of 30)!!!! However, there were walls that went up. Satan began to flood my life with a number of lies.

The biggest lie was that no one would ever want me. No one was ever going to pursue me. No one would ever want to date me. And I believed this......for a long time.

BUT (here comes the great part), God has been teaching me otherwise. And guess what....someone has been pursuing me. And it is wonderful! I wasn't looking for a relationship. I was truly just trying to seek out God each and every day, all while learning more and more to let God love me.

I have been dating someone (who will remain nameless for now) for about 3 weeks. We have been talking for a few months. He constantly encourages me and reminds me that I am totally worth being pursued. It was really tough for me to take at first because satan would twist things and leave me questioning. But I am learning that I am totally worthy of this and I deserve this as a daughter of God. I deserve a person who likes me for me, who encourages my walk with Christ, and who respects me.

I have no idea where this relationship is going. We are just taking one day at a time and enjoying a healthy relationship centered on Christ. It is tough. Satan attacks. The world says we should do things differently. But God is good. He is faithful. And He is in charge. He knows our hearts. And I'm glad that HE has taught me that I am worthy of pursuit!

Daily Love

2010-06-30T23:27:00.003-04:00

I can honestly say that I am finally grasping the 2 BIG lessons God has been teaching me over the past year and a half!

It all began when I read the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge 2 years ago. I was in a deep pit and could not seem to find my way out. So I read. And this was the book I read. Over and over and over in this book I felt God telling me that He was ready for me to come to him. He was ready for me to need him. He was ready to love me like I've never been loved. I just didn't quite believe it...

Last March, our women's ministry team held a weekend retreat. We went through Beth Moore's curriculum Loving Well. The main focus of the week was love and the truth that nothing can separate us from the love of God. There were definite walls knocked down, but I still had my doubts.

This past Thanksgiving I went to Texas to visit a very close friend. She had me read Now and Not Yet by Jennifer Marshall. This book added a whole new twist to the love lessons God had been pouring over me. It was about understanding that singleness is just as much a part of God's plan as any other relationship status. And that God wants us to meet him and his love DAILY. The idea of living intentionally every day for God and experiencing His love on a daily basis seemed almost more than I could understand.

Over the past 2 months, these ideas of living each day for Christ and letting His love fuel me have really started to sink in. I cannot pinpoint an exact "ah-ha" moment. But I know that I am getting it. I am beginning to grasp the love that God has for me. I am beginning to see the fruit of living intentionally for God every day that He gives me breath.

And it is sooooo good.

Love Them While You Have Them

2010-04-26T21:48:00.003-04:00

Thank you Dr. Karen Doudt (RIP) for teaching me this. It may be the best advice anyone gave me as I headed down the path of being an educator.

This past week has encompassed one of my highest and lowest moments as a teacher.

Wednesday night I received a phone call from a former student's parent. She informed me that a student I had last year may have been involved in a murder. I cannot even begin to explain the pit that developed in my stomach. As the week progressed more details flooded the news and it all became very real. I am still trying to comprehend, but I don't think I ever will. My heart breaks for my former student...not because of what is to come for him, but because he made this choice.

Sunday, I was blessed to witness a current student be baptized! He told me he was getting baptized and asked me to come. I cannot even begin to explain the joy that overwhelmed me. I found someone to teach my Sunday School class and went. He was one of 8, YES EIGHT, people to get baptized (4 of those people are students where I teach). And again, I can't comprehend why I got to be a part of this.

Back to my professor....she was amazing. And she loved kids, she had a passion for teaching. It rubbed off. I have really struggled with the "why" question this week. Why didn't I show more love to a former student? Why did God place a student in my class that would give his life to Christ? Why has God placed a passion for children in my heart? Why does God give kids to people that don't show them the love they deserve? All I can come up with is what my prof said to us.

Love them while you have them.

Isn't this exactly what Jesus calls us to do? Love others. Love them so they know the love of Christ. Love them in a way that feels so good it may actually hurt. Love with all that you have.

Jesus, thank you for the passion to love kids. Thank you that I get to spend so many days/hours/weeks working with kids. May I never forget that they need loved. Help me to love them as you would, despite everything else. Lord, let them never question the love that I have for them. AMEN

Straight Paths are Uncomfortable

2010-04-18T21:49:00.003-04:00

This morning's message at church was about trusting God. The scripture was Proverbs 3:1-10. As I listened to the words a familiar passage jumped out at me and really resonated in me...

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

I began to think about those straight paths, those times when I truly know I am following God. Let me be honest...those straight paths are uncomfortable to me. My comfort comes when I feel in control, when my paths aren't always straight. That is where I feel comfortable.

I really started to dig deep in my heart to figure out why God's path is uncomfortable. It is because He is not me (thank goodness). Isaiah 55:8 explains this perfectly; "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways', declares the Lord."

God's path is not my path. HIS path is so much better for me. I have to continue to walk on his path so it becomes ever-more familiar to my feet, less uncomfortable for me. This requires work. It requires learning. It requires reading. It requires prayer. It requires some discomfort. But I know that I will get to a point when my path is uncomfortable. I know I will get to a point where God's path feels right 100% of the time. I know that this will happen more and more as I walk with him. I know this because on God's path, I am not alone. He leads the way so there are no surprises....

"joy in all circumstances"...yeah right!

2010-04-11T15:41:00.002-04:00

Do you ever read something in the Word and think, "yeah right! if you only knew what was happening....."?

I just finished going through Philippians with the youth in Sunday school this morning. If you've never read Philippians, YOU SHOULD! Right now, just pick up your Bible and read it. It's only 4 chapters. But those 4 chapters might make you think "yeah right!"

Philippians 4:4 slapped me right across the face this morning. It says, "Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice!" The slap was followed with a "yeah right" in my brain. Both might have caused some much needed damage to my though process.

I have a lot going on right now. Praise God I was able to "vacate" my life for a few days and go to Vermont to see a friend. It was wonderful, but my life was right here waiting for me when I got back (imagine that). Then I read that verse this morning and just about screamed.

"Um, God.....HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND JOY IN ALL THESE UNCERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES THAT SEEM TO BE FLOODING MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?!"

Well, after an hour in the back yard with Linus and Jesus I think I know. My joy comes in knowing that this world is not the end for me. My joy comes in knowing that there is someone paving the way for every step that I take. My joy comes in knowing that there is absolute truth. My joy comes in knowing that despite what today my hold, Christ is going to win in the end.

There are times, seasons where I feel like God is absent. But he is not. He promises to never leave me or forsake me. He has my very best in HIS plan. There is lots of joy in that!

Truth be told...

2010-04-08T11:02:00.005-04:00

I've been reading through Romans while on Spring Break. I love this book! I love the truth that Paul blatantly puts forth. I love the way Christ is magnified through the word. I love that Paul recognizes the inner knowledge that we do not belong here, on earth.

I have also learned that there is power in reading the Word of God aloud. I have read chapters 3-6 out loud with a friend. I'm blown away by how the Holy Spirit has reached into my heart and shed new light on verses I have read countless times. Here are some verses that really tugged on my heart strings:

⁶You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (from chapter 5)

God doesn't expect me to be perfect. He doesn't expect me to have all of the answers. He doesn't assume that I am going to live a sin-free life. Before my existence, he sent his Son to die for the crap I would do. He decided long ago that Dina Coverstone needed a chance to be redeemed in order to spend eternity with her Heavenly Father.

¹¹In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. ¹²Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. ¹³Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. ¹⁴For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. (from chapter 6)

We are alive. Did you read that carefully? WE ARE ALIVE! Because God loved us, even before the world knew us, he gave us the opportunity to choose life...spiritual life. We are under grace and saved by our faith in that grace. Praise God for that!

I am so grateful for the opportunity to choose Christ. I don't know if/how my life would be different without Him and I don't want to know. I am who I am in Christ. My identity is in Him alone. My life is led by Him and His work. He knows everything about me and has my best in mind. And I am satisfied knowing that.

Quick Puppy Update

2010-03-08T17:50:00.002-05:00

Linus is now 4 months old. I just took him to the vet tonight....he gets the "snip" first thing in the morning. I thought I would post some pics for everyone. He is super sweet. He is a loyal companion. We go for walks. He knows "sit" "stay" "heal" "go potty" and "Let's go for a ride!"

I truly feel like he has been a blessing. I was starting to get settled and a little lonely this winter in my house. Along came Linus for a deal. Feel free to stop by and see him....he loves to meet new people (and it's good for the training).

I'm a Mama

2010-01-24T21:50:00.003-05:00

I got a puppy! He is an 11-week old bullmastiff puppy. He weighs 30 pounds. He is the sweetest most precious thing in the world. I am absolutely in love. His name is Linus.

trying to trust

2010-01-17T21:56:00.002-05:00

What a week! I am drained. In every aspect of my being, I am exhausted. It has been a week that has truly pushed home what Jesus meant when he said, "for they are not of the world anymore than I am of the world." I have never felt more out of place, or far from home.

From an earthquake in Haiti, to trials with students, to the longing for salvation of loved ones, to bewilderment with the "church", to attack after attack after attack from satan.....I am standing firm on one thing.

Jesus has overcome the world!

I'm okay with not having the answers. I'm okay with not knowing what tomorrow may bring. I'm okay with things getting turned up-side-down at the snap of a finger. I'm okay with the warfare. I'm okay because I know that my God is a God of power, might, grace, and love.

And I know that my God has everything under control.

And I know that my God will not leave me or forsake me.

And I know that my God provides rest for the weary.

And I know that in the end....my God is victorious.

A Love Like No Other

2010-01-11T20:19:00.007-05:00

How can loving others be so hard?

This past week with my 7th grade girls we have been studying scripture about relationships. The "task" for the week was to read 8-10 different verses and write what they were telling us about relationships.

For whatever reason the following verses struck a chord in me in a new way:

¹²My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. ¹⁴You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. ¹⁷This is my command: Love each other.

I'm sure you recognize them....they are from John 15. This is one of my all-time favorite chapters in the Bible. "I am the vine, you are the branches...." "Remain in me...." Oh, I just love the truth that bleeds from this chapter. But, back on track, these verses about friendship and loving others just hit me at the core tonight.

I have 4 pretty great girls who are dealing with middle school just as we all have. Sure things have changed some but it all goes back to the whole "he said, she said, they said, I don't like him, I can't stand her, she is my bff........(you know the rest)." They struggle with where they belong and fitting in and trusting God and living out their faith.

Tonight, as we read John 15:12-17 my heart simply broke. It ached to help these girls realize how important it is to show love. It ached to open my eyes to the love that some of my very own students, friends, co-workers, and family need to see. God made more clear HIS unconditional love. Love that is so deep that he would come to earth and lay down his life for his friends.

I cannot comprehend that. I can honestly say that I'm not sure I would be willing to die for too many people, if any. I can also tell you that some days I don't feel like loving anyone, especially that difficult student or the stubborn family member or the kid that never stops talking or people who never have anything good to say. But, I know that is why God continually places them in my life. He is teaching me and growing me and molding me to be more like him.

To love like no other.

If you haven't read my "42 day challenge" please keep scrolling down.

42 Day Challenge

2010-01-10T15:26:00.002-05:00

This has been on my mind. 42 days is 6 full weeks. 42 days from today will be Feb 21 (for me).

I'm challenging myself and those who read this to pick one person. One person who fits one of the following criteria:
1. they are not a believer
2. they are a believer, but have fallen away from their walk
3. a believer who is wavering in his/her faith

Now, have you chosen someone? Good. Pray for them for the next 42 days. (look at today's date - the date you are reading this - and count out 6 weeks) Pray for the person's relationship with the Lord. Pray for your time with that person. Pray that God would use you in that person's life. Pray that God would do a GOD-SIZED thing in that persons life. Write that person's name on notecards and place them where you will see them often, as a reminder. For example I will be putting one on my bathroom mirror, my coffee table, my desk at school, and in my jeep.

I will touch base here and there. I would love for you to keep me posted. I will be praying for you all. We have a kingdom to build....one prayer at a time.

An Object of Love

2009-12-30T08:16:00.005-05:00

I am an avid reader, for those of you that didn't know. I try to only read one book at a time. However, this Christmas Break I am finishing 4 books. One book is about running, another is the 5th book in a series that my students wanted me to read (it has 13 books in all), one is a fiction book call Midnight Sun, and the other is The Ragamuffin Gospel. They are 4 VERY different styles, but I like them all.

The following is a post I did on the women's ministry blog that I also write on, GLOW (found off to the side under "links"). I don't know how many of you read this, that, or both. I wanted to share it. I would love to hear your feedback...

I just finished reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, an eye-opener of a book. The gist of the book is living in the grace of God because we are objects of God's unfailing love. Not a light subject, but a rather simple one. The final chapter, "A Touch of Folly" might be the one that hit me the hardest.

I am still processing all the questions that Manning poses. They are questions that we, as Christ-followers, cannot ignore. Questions that we need to consider. Questions that we need to come face-to-face with. I want to share them with you. Do with them what you wish. My prayer is that you would take time to think, write, pray, seek answers to each question.

We live in a world that is pining for us. We live in a world that wants to pull us away from God. We live in a world where the focus is solely on "me" and what "I" can get. We live in a world where there is a battle for souls. The time is now to think about and respond to God and the call He has put on each of us...."Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."

Do you live each day in the blessed assurance that you have been saved by the unique grace of our Lord Jesus Christ?

After falling flat on your face, are you still firmly convinced that the fundamental structure of reality is not works but grace?

Are you moody and melancholy because you are still striving for the perfection that comes from your own efforts and not from faith in Jesus Christ?

Are you shocked and horrified when you fail?

Are you really aware that you don't have to change, grow, or be good to be loved?

Are you as certain of the triumph of good over evil as the fermentation of dough by yeast?

Though on a given day you may be more depressed than anything else, is the general orientation of you life toward peace and joy?

Are you diminished by other people's perception of you or your own definition of yourself?

Do you possess that touch of folly to transcend doubt, fear, and self-hatred and accept that you are accepted?

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts. More than that, I would love to know that these questions stirred you up. I would love to know that they made you dig deep into God's word, that you sought HIM out in a new way, that you found peace in the unfailing love of Abba.

First Christmas

2009-12-25T08:47:00.002-05:00

This is my first Christmas in MY house! It is pretty cool too. I have been sleeping on the couch with the tree lights on. I woke up at 7 this morning and watched A Christmas Story, made some coffee, and here I sit blogging. I plan on spending some time with Jesus this morning as well.

I wonder, if this will become my "Christmas tradition"? I'm sure as I get married and have children things will change. I often wonder what my traditions will be. Right now I go to my parents' on Christmas Eve to celebrate with my family. I attend Christmas Eve service at church. My whole family meets at my cousin's house Christmas morning for brunch. Then we usually just hang out for the day.

So this, my first Christmas in my house, I want to start some traditions. I want my morning to be reflective upon the birth of Jesus. I want to really get my heart set on what this day is truly about.

^{Matthew 11}On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh.

My first Christmas.....may it be filled with worship and awe for Christ: who was born a baby, walked the earth as a man, was crucified for my sins, and raised to eternal life.

Blessed

2009-12-13T17:08:00.004-05:00

I'm sitting in my house. I traveled to 4 colleges this weekend to visit some students. I have an amazing family. I have a job that I LOVE going to each and every day. I have friends that make my heart happy. I am loved and never doubt that.

I am serving a God who thinks I am beautiful and challenges me more and more every day that I live. He has been blessing me with encouraging words and love that I can't comprehend. He is always ready to take this relationship to the next level.

I am just getting another glimpse into the blessings that I have in my life.

And I am so thankful for them....

Texas, roller coaster ride, blessings, coffee

2009-11-29T19:00:00.003-05:00

WARNING: This post may contain some incredibly random thoughts. The author claims ZERO responsibility for your thoughts going all over the map as you read this. If you feel ill from jumping topics too often, STOP, walk away from your computer, and return after a break. Once done reading, relax for a while. Kick your feet up and thank God for who HE is and what He has done for you.

So many things to include in this post, but I want to get it all out. I am currently in College Station, TX. It is home to Texas A&M, cowboys, over-sized trucks, and my dear friend AJ. The weather is amazing - 77 degrees, partly sunny, slight breeze, and the trees are still green. I have heard some of the thickest accents and witnessed one of the most ridiculous college sport training facilities ever!

I even went on a roller coaster ride, not a literal one but an emotional one. How do I describe this......? AJ is a very intentional person. She thinks deeply. She invests in relationships. She is going to throw Jesus in your face whether you are ready for it or not. She is going to challenge you and your relationship with Christ. She will call you out on ANYTHING that may be out of line of the way a Christ-follower should live. Hence the roller coaster ride. She had me read "Now and Not Yet" a great, great, great book about living as a single woman in the 21st century. She was on Chapter 11 when I got here on Friday. I spent all day yesterday reading to catch up. After reading chapter 8 ("The sense of callings") I was ready to throw the book at AJ and explode. All of the emotions of the past 2 months found their way out of me in one explosive case of word-vomit. I was speaking loudly, talking nonsense, making excuses, and crying. All the while I was trying to process everything going through my head, the stirrings and wrestlings, as AJ is throwing her 2 cents at me. Let me just say I didn't want to hear what she was saying. However, God did.

I felt better after getting it all out.

This morning, I woke up and spent some time on my face before the Lord. I was literally lying facedown as I listened to some of my favorite worship songs. I hadn't done that for a while. It was good. It was SO good. I felt like my thoughts were clear. I felt like I had regained a grasp on what is truly important in my life. I felt blessed, truly blessed, to be a single 29-year-old woman. This is something I haven't felt for a few months. And it was good.

AJ and I talked over some fantastic coffee this morning. We sat and just shared our thoughts. We were studying the Word, reading, journaling, and just investing in one another's lives. I don't do that too often with a fellow single. And I was blessed. I cannot describe how my heart felt. I just felt blessed. She had to work today, at Starbucks, so I brought stuff to do. Number one on the To-Do list was finish the book. AJ hooked me up with a french press of coffee and I got myself comfy and read. I finished the book. I wrote down so much from the book and just let God do His thing.

For the first time in months, I felt like God was present in my life. Present and working! My heart feels healed. My mind has a clearer focus. I want to share my closing thoughts after finishing this book:

That was ALOT to read and deal with in a VERY short amount of time. I definitely was not prepared to process it all, but it was good. I've spent more time with the Lord in 2 days than I have in weeks! It really reminded me of what is important. The important thing for me, right now in life, is to live in the comfort of the truth and love of Jesus. For Pete's sake, He gave his life for me. ME....I can't comprehend it, but it's okay. There is a gift of love, unconditional love that is available to me 24/7! Too often I get wrapped up in not having a "tangible" person to love me. Rather than realizing that God's love is incredibly tangible...it just doesn't always come in the form I want it to.

God's blessings don't always come in the form that we want. For that, I am ever so greatful. His form is always better than what I expected!

Single Living

2009-11-26T22:58:00.002-05:00

I bought a house almost 5 months ago! I was super excited (and still am) to be a home-owner. It is the first time I have ever lived completely on my own: no parents, no roomies, no animals. It's just me. And I love it.....most of the time.

I guess the "I live totally by myself" thought hit me about a month and a half ago. It is quite the realization in all honesty. I am completely dependent upon myself. I don't have anyone to come home and gripe to on a bad day. I don't have anyone to come home and celebrate those super great days. I don't have anyone to talk to at home after a day of conversing with 10 and 11-year-olds. It is just me.

I get a little lonely.

Then I get down in the dumps.

Then I have my own, private, pity party.

And I don't feel any better.

I am a relationship person. I enjoy the relationships in my life. I enjoy investing in the lives of my family, friends, and students. I feel alive when I am with others.

I have gotten pretty honked at God about my single living. "Why can't you give me a husband? Why are all of my close friends so far away? Why have you done this to me?!" These go through my head a few times a week.

And do you know how God replies?....

"Why can't you let me be enough for you?"

"Why don't you consider me a close friend?"

"Why have you done this to me?!"

Case in point....I'm not leaning on my Heavenly Father the way I need to. Maybe this season is meant for me to learn to be totally reliant upon HIM. Maybe this season is to teach me that God is all I need. Maybe this season is for putting God back at the forefront of who I am.

So, I am going to work on that. I am going to work on chatting with Him daily. I am going to work on making Him closer than a friend. I am going to work on Him being my everything.

I love you but.....

2009-11-09T20:35:00.003-05:00

Do you ever feel this way about people? Do you put conditions on your love for others? Boy, I sure do. It is so hard not to, but God always opens my eyes.

I'm leading a new Bible study of 7th grade girls. We meet on Monday nights and are studying the Bible. There are 4 girls and I love them to pieces. I really look forward to Monday nights and the questions they will have, the scripture we are studying, and just being a part of their lives.

BUT........

I find that my human-ness gets easily frustrated. We had a sleepover. They totally did the teenager thing and destroyed my house. Nothing was broken or damaged, it just looked like a tornado had ravaged the inside of my house. And I found myself thinking, "I love you girls but could you seriously not be such pigs?!" I was really upset about it when they left Saturday.

So, I had the rest of the weekend to clean up and stew in my frustration. I prayed about how to address this issue. I vented to a few people. I went to God with questions. Was this really something I was ready for again?

Tonight, I talked to the girls. I addressed it out of love for them. You see, I am leading a Bible study. But I also want to be a good example to each of these girls - show them some lifeskills, help them grow in respect, and let them into my life. It is so hard, there is a fine line, and "I love you but...."

Yes I need to love on these girls, but I also need to be a role-model. I have been praying that my life would be a good model for them. That I can be someone they look up to. That they will see Jesus at work in and through me.

12 Years

2009-10-30T07:36:00.002-04:00

It was exactly 12 years, 3 hours, and 36 minutes ago that I gave my life to Jesus. I was laying on the couch in Sara Frantz's living room. I had been going to a Bible study for about a year and attending Milford Christian Church. I had spent a year learning, questioning, fighting, searching, and growing. I don't think I will ever forget the final statement that turned the light on in my brain. Sara looked at me and said, "Let's say you accept Jesus, he isn't real, you die, and rot 6 feet under for ever. OR, let's say you accept Jesus, he is real, and you spend eternity in a place noone can even imagine." I let that all sink in deep and was silent for about 10 minutes. Finally at 4:00 am on October 30, 1997 I gave my life to Jesus. It was the turning point of my heart and soul.

12 years later, looking back, I cannot believe the places God has taken me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I wanted to share a list with you all to commemorate this day. It is a "12 things that I wouldn't have dreamed of having done before I gave my life to Jesus" list.

1. Going to Zimbabwe to work with a missionary serving AIDS orphans.
2. Leading a Bible study for 5.5 years.
3. Leading worship.
4. Talking to my dad about God.
5. Counseling at church camp (twice so far).
6. Leading others to Christ.
7. Starting a new Bible study of 7th graders.
8. Studying my Bible.
9. Laying hands on someone to pray.
10. Being single virgin at the age of 29.
11. Impacting the lives of teens for Jesus.
12. Speaking to others about my struggles.

I am blessed beyond words to be where I am today. I give all that glory to God, the Maker of heaven and earth. He used HIS people to get the message to me. For those people, I will forever be grateful. They never gave up on me just as Jesus would never give up on me.

This is a pretty joyful day for me and has been for the past 12 years. I'm reminded of the excitement as I woke up to go to basketball practice, 12 years ago, and tell my best friend what I had done. That same excitement creeps up in me every October 30th and I pray that it will continue to do that. That I will be reminded, not just on October 30th, every day the excitement that comes from knowing that I am a child of the Most High.

Psalm 118:14 "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

Making an Impact

2009-10-17T16:41:00.004-04:00

I woke up at 5:45 this morning. If you will note the date of this post you will see that it is SATURDAY....and I didn't need to get up for anything.

Or so I thought.....

I woke up to find Mr. Holland's Opus on one of my movie channels. I love this movie. I love the message, I love the music, but I love it most because it is about a teacher. As I watched, I was moved to tears several times (if you haven't seen it, you should). I really began to reflect on myself and the talents and gifts that God has blessed me with.

I have the pleasure of working with kids, lots of kids. I am around kids ages 5-18 on a daily basis (and adults for that matter). It is the joy of being a teacher and youth volunteer. I am constantly interacting, teaching, talking, serving, and loving on kids. I have come to realize that God has molded me to be this person, a person of impact. Why he chose me, I will never understand, but he did. And for this I am blessed beyond measure.

Each day that I step into life I have an opportunity. We all do. God gives us each day to make an impact. The impact we make can send someone in the right or wrong direction. It can build them up or crush them. It can spur them on or stop them dead in their tracks. It can love or hate.

At the school where I work we begin each day with a moment of silence. My moment of silence is my time to pray: Jesus, help me to love these kids as you have so graciously loved me. It's nothing wordy, but it is the same every day. I am amazed at how God comes through each and every day.

Right now I have a student teacher and I am out of my classroom a lot. But, it has allowed me to interact with other students and teachers. It has allowed me to model for others. It has allowed me to see the impact that I have.

How are you impacting people? I would love to hear and pray for you.

I'll Pray for You

2009-09-26T07:30:00.003-04:00

You've said that little 4-word phrase a gajillion times, haven't you? Me too. I actually said it this morning to a dear friend while chatting.

I'll pray for you.

OR

I will pray for your situation.

OR

I will have my _____________ (insert group name here) group from church pray about that for you.

I'm smirking as I recall the numerous times I have said this phrase and DIDN'T follow through.

I'll pray for you. When we say that, we are making a pretty important promise to someone. We are given an opportunity to minister or not. I'll pray for you means something when you are on the receiving end of the phrase. It means "hey, I care about you and know that God will get you through." Or "I have compassion on what you are going through my friend and I will present your request to God." OR "I know that the God I serve can help you through this and I am going to pray for you."

A specific verse comes to mind as I think about prayer. Phil 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (emphasis mine)

Did you let that verse sink in? If not, go back and reread it, allowing the words to settle deep within you. Did you do it this time? Did you see the 2 key words there?

with thanksgiving....

What a splendid display of God's grace that we get to come to him in prayer WHENEVER WE WANT TO! When we say, "I'll pray for you, " we are expressing our gratitude to God for the fact that we can come to him WHENEVER WE WANT TO because of the door that was opened through the death of his son on the cross.

I'll pray for you is not to be said lightly. When we say this we need to understand what that phrase truly is saying to the person. Most importantly, we need to follow through.

Here's my challenge to us all, myself included. The next time we say, "I'll pray for you, " do it right then and there. Pray with the person. Pull our car over to the side of the road and present that prayer, with thanksgiving, to God. Turn off the TV, close the computer screen, put down the book, close your Bible...STOP what we are doing and present that request to God. Whatever we do, we NEED TO FOLLOW THROUGH.

I Miss Running

2009-09-09T22:05:00.002-04:00

hahahaha....I'm cracking up at my title because I honestly never thought that phrase would come out of ME!!!

I have been sick since Sunday and haven't been able to run for 4 days. If you've been keeping up with me you know that I started running about a month ago. I have worked my way up to a little over 1 mile at a time. My goal is to run around Syracuse Lake (5 miles) by next summer. So, I have been running 4-6 days a week. Being sick with sinus grossness tends to keep one from being able to breathe while sitting down, let alone while running.

And I miss running. I miss that 20 minutes of worship each day. I miss being outside. I miss that good sweat! I miss the time that I talk to Jesus. I miss the exhilirating feeling when I finish my run. I just miss it.

It is amazing how we are such creatures of habit. I am anxious to get back into my new habit. Hopefully this weekend I will be able to.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

2009-09-03T19:44:00.009-04:00

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

I love this Psalm! It is so beautiful and it has been my prayer for a while now. When I say prayer, I mean that literally. I have been praying this Psalm to the Lord for a few months, not every day, but often. I love how The Message says verse 1..."God, invesitgate my life; get all the facts firsthand." WOW!!! There is no other that can do that. God is the ONLY one who can fully investigate our lives. He is the only one who knows us inside and out, before and behind, forever. I've been trying to wrap my mind around that....the infinite-ness of God.

Verses 13-16 are a constant reminder to me of my identity. It is in God, the maker and creator of me. He designed me exactly for HIS purpose. I have not been feeling this for the past few days. I really struggle to see myself through God's eyes. I see my self through blinders and lies. Blinders that hinder me to see the beauty of God that comes through my life. Lies that I am nothing and never will be, that no one wants me.

Moment of complete bareness for you readers:

Tuesday night was one of the lowest points I have reached in a long time. I have been running like crazy and working so hard to lose some weight. My clothes are noticeably looser, I feel better than I have since highschool bball, people have made comments about "the weight you must be losing". So, I braved the scale.......there it was, 258.6. I hated it! I was instantly fuming. I'm sure my blood pressure went through the roof!!!! I have been seeing numbers at or close to 260 for almost 2 years now every time I step on the scale. I have been working my BUTT off. I have spent money to go to the doctor and have tests done. I have completely changed my eating habits. I have begged and pleaded on my knees to the Lord to take this burden of weight from me. Then, I get on that stupid scale and am crushed. There is just no other word for how I felt physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I left school and cried....wept.....heaved.....lost my breathe in sorrow. I felt completely helpless and didn't know what to do.

I sent a text to 3 friends that said, "got on the scale today. no change to the weight. crying." Here is what I got back.....Jenna said, "I can imagine it is rough. I am praying for you. I think you are beautiful and you are amazing! Keep working hard" AJ said, "Don't let the enemy deafeat or discourage you...God is beyond any scale. You are loved friend!" Jamie called me just to make sure I was okay and to affirm me. Those were enough to get me moving and go for a run. And I ran hard....I was pissed!!!! I listened to my music, I ran hard, I repeated the words of my friends to myself over and over.

Later that night I journaled and was honest with myself and God. I can't really explain how I felt other than to say that I was overcome with a peace. A peace that can only come from God and the words of Psalm 139 filled me. I am a creation of the Most High. Nothing in my life can defeat HIM! No scale, no weight, no lie, no person can ever take that away from me. And I went to sleep.

Yes, it is a struggle. Yes, the lies are almost too much some days. Yes, the tears come easily most days. Yes, I stumble into the pit of lies. BUT MY GOD IS STRONG ENOUGH AND BIG ENOUGH TO PICK ME UP AND CARRY ME INTO HIS SAFETY.

"I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.....I know that full well."

Hmmmm......

2009-08-29T14:09:00.002-04:00

It's Saturday afternoon....2:10pm.....I'm still in my pj's. I've been up for 4 hours. There is a movie on, laundry going, and a computer on my lap.

I've been catching up on my blog reading and a thought popped into my head. I can spend HOURS reading blogs, "stalking" peeps on facebook, searching sports news, emailing, and just wasting time on the internet.

I LOVE to read. I'm finishing the Chronicles of Narnia, reading through some professional books, and catching up on everything listed above. But, one thing I don't read much is my Bible.

Why is that? Why is it I can spend so much time, hours sometimes, reading everything but the ONE thing we need to read? I'm not doggin reading other stuff, but God's word is the "instruction manual" it is the book that can answer everything. There are lessons to be learned, people I can relate to. And amazing accounts of some incredible things that have happened. Sounds so interesting, but I can't manage to read it with the excitement that I read other things.

I go through phases whre I can't get enough of the Word, but they fade and I notice that tons of time has passed since I last picked it up. I'm in that place right now. It's a tough place to be too. So much of me wants to want to read my Bible. I just find that I fill my time with other things.

Hmmmm......have you ever found yourself in this position?

And the Rains Came Down

2009-08-26T17:26:00.002-04:00

I'm looking out my window and the rain is coming down. I love where my desk is in my house. It is right under a window that looks out the front side of my house. And, I love to see what's going on outside.

So, the rain is coming down again.....more rain.....dreary day......more water......not really pleased with this. However, it made me think of Noah. I couldn't tell you the last time I read the account of Noah and The Flood in Genesis. Heck, I can't even tell you the chapter that it is in. But, I can tell you all about it.

God was honked-off at creation. Nothing was going "right" and creation was a mess. All of creation except for Noah. God found favor with him and gave him a huge task - a God size task. "Noah, I want you to build an ark exactly like these blueprints and I want you to get 2 of everything to take on the ark. Take your family. And when you get everyone/everything on board, don't come out until I tell you. There's gonna be a whole lotta rain." Then it rains for 40 days and nights and the whole time Noah is stuck on a boat with his family, a crap-ton of animals (and animal crap), and there is nowhere to go! Finally the rains stop, the earth dries up, and God gives the go-ahead to get off the boat.

Why am I writing about this? Because we ALL need the rains to come down. I love to walk outside after it rains. It smells amazing. Everything is green and wet and healthy. Rains bring life back into creation. We need the rain.

Lately, I have been wrapped up in the dreariness of the rain of my life. I am tired and have just found myself focusing way too much on the negative. The rain outside has reminded me that we need to have it! The rain is going to come down in our lives and outside. There is no avoiding it. It is part of living. BUT...................wait for it.............................when the rain goes away, we are refreshed. We are given a little life. We are brighter. We are healthy. We are cleansed.

Jesus, thank you for the rain. Thank you for the rain outside and thank you for the rain in my life. I want to be joyful always and focus on what you are trying to do when the rain comes down. Help to clean me, brighten me, and breathe more life into me. You are amazing!

The account of Noah is based on the brain of Dina. If you want to read God's version of the account, check out Genesis 6-8. It's super great!

GLOW

2009-08-12T23:27:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone! I know I have posted something about this before, but there is a great blog you should start reading (if you haven't already). Click on the link to the left that says GLOW....it is a blog that I do with 4 other women. We are getting a ministry up and going at our church (actually Shannon and Kristi do the brunt work, I just like the ride). GLOW stands for God Loving Ordinary Women. The blog is just us sharing what God is doing in our lives and how He is working. Also, we have started doing some give-aways at random.

These women are pretty amazing. If you know me at all, you know I don't settle when it comes to ministry. I am blessed by this ministry and these girls. I hope you are too!

New Goals

2009-08-04T14:42:00.005-04:00

This is about to get very personal. I share a lot about myself with people, but somethings I keep to myself or share with a few. The Lord has been working on me this weekend to share my new goals - I don't know if it is to encourage, to be held accountable, or step out of my comfort zone. Regardless, He has asked me to share so here goes!

I have struggled with weight loss FOREVER!!! I have tried calorie counting, food logs, workouts, detox "diets", biking, eating different, going to the doctor.....everything that I can do and not go insane (and I have been insane a few times along the way). However, nothing seems to work. I'm not wanting to be 115 pounds or be a gym-going psycho. I just want to lose some weight. I have cried, cussed, hid, hated, raged, and wallowed over this struggle SO MUCH in the past year and a half. I have been working with a trainer since March of '08, I have completely changed my diet (much more balanced), I have gone to the doctor and had tests done. Results: still weigh exactly what I did in March of '08, my doctor says I'm one of the healthiest patients that he has (just overweight), I eat pretty well 95% of the time.

3 months ago, after stepping on a scale to see no change, I kinda just stopped paying attention to my weight....went numb to it. At first, I got really angry. The kind of angry that makes me cry and shut down. Then the numbness settled in. I kept exercising, eating well, and went to the doctor. Last Friday, August 1, I stepped on a scale for the first time. I had noticed that my clothes were fitting a little differently (in a good way). Several people asked if I had lost weight. I honestly didn't know. So, stepped on the scale and ................................................ still weigh the same! But, this time I wasn't angry. I wasn't sad. I wasn't numb. It was okay.

I know how I treat my body. I know what goes in (and comes out). I know how I love to be active and AM active. I know that I am trying. I know that changes aren't going to happen over night. I know that I am driven, I mean DRIVEN, by goals and rules. So I set some goals with help from a friend.

1. I started running. I HATE RUNNING, but I'm running! I needed some motivation, so I bought new tennis shoes. And I made a rule that I can only wear them, for the next year, if I am going to run. If you know me, you know that this is probably the BEST motivation for me.

2. I decided that I want to lose 40 pounds by the time school gets out in June. That is 40 pounds in 10 months. It is totally reasonable.....only 4 pounds per month.

3. I want to shop for clothes that are not plus size. I'm not trying to be a size 6, 8, or even 10. I just want to shop in the Misses' sizes, not the Women's sizes.

4. I want to work up to running around Syracuse Lake by next summer. That is 5 miles. And I want to RUN the whole thing.

5. I want to wear the Manchester England Soccer Jersey that my best friend's family got me 10 years ago (I have never fit in it).

6. I want to go see the internist and have the last of medical testing done.

Those are my goals. I know that I can do it. I know that God will help me do this. He has given me a heart that longs to live for him and honor him. Thanks for reading. I didn't write this to gain pity or compliments. I know I am not the only person who struggles with this. I wanted to share. And God has been pushing me to share this part of me. I'm trying to listen and DO what he is asking of me....just a little bit better this year.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

Not How I Had It Planned

2009-08-02T12:58:00.010-04:00

Sometimes I am honked at the way Jesus doesn't do what I want! I pray and he does it differently than I asked! I expect him to use me in one way and He chooses something different! I have a fantastic 5 or 10 year plan, and his is nowhere near the same as mine!

And for all those times, I am blessed.

I was reading through some old journals and came across one from my senior year of high school (11 years ago). I was "planning" where I would be in 10 years. Here is what I wrote: In 10 years I plan on being married, having at least 2 kids, teaching with a Masters Degree, living in a 2 story house in the country, being involved in a church close to home (where my parents are). I seriously laughed when I read that. That was the honest plan that I had for myself.

Let me tell you where I am 11 years after I graduated. I just bought a house - by myself. I teach 5th grade. I am single. I have no kids. I am involved in a church. I struggle most days to see myself through Jesus' eyes because I haven't lived up to what I had planned for myself.

BUT............................

I am blessed! I am blessed with my own home to open up to those that I love. I am blessed with a job where I get to live out my love for Jesus and teach some of the coolest 10 and 11-year-olds on the face of the planet. I am blessed with an awesome family that has supported everything I have done (even when they don't always agree) for 29 years. I am blessed with a network of friends who encourage me, love me, and pray for me at the drop of a pin. I am blessed by a church family that spurs me on in my relationship with Jesus Christ.

I am blessed to be a child of God who doesn't do things my way. His plans are SO MUCH BETTER than any 5, 10, or 50 year plan I could ever write for myself. My life is not what I had planned, it is better. Yes I have dreams and desires, but I am learning to trust that God knows my heart, he hears my cries, and HIS 5 YEAR PLAN IS BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD DREAM OF.

Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

My 5th graders

My House

5th grade teachers

Friends

I miss....

2009-07-27T19:20:00.003-04:00

I have recently moved and have been doing LOTS of unpacking. Today I have been unpacking books and pictures. I found myself in tears as I remembered some great things and caught myself missing "the way things used to be". I miss the care-free days of college (even though they seemed so stressful at the time). I miss my 4 roomies from Goshen and the crew I spent every weekend with up there. I miss the days before everyone was married and had kids (even though I adore their spouses and children). I miss the days when we would hop in a car and go....wherever....no matter what time.

I also just got home from an awesome week at Camp Adventure (church camp). I miss the kids that I hung out with. I miss friends that I only get to see at camp. I miss singing praises twice a day. I miss built in nap time. I miss daily time set aside for Jesus. I miss late nights pouring our hearts out with each other about God and His work.

I caught up on blogs today. I miss my friend Jenn. WOW, do I ever miss her. She is doing missions work and growing so much. I miss her lots though. I knew I would miss my friend and roomie, I just didn't know how much I would miss her. I miss our nights of cravings. I miss seeing her in the morning before work. I miss her laugh and hugs. I miss the smell of her cooking crazy things in the kitchen.

I have had a reminder on my phone for the last 40 days to pray for my best friend. She has been on a 40 day/night hiking trip with her husband and others. So, I miss talking to her. I miss laughing with her. I miss hearing her voice. I miss the surprise email from her. I miss our accountability.

I miss my girls Bible study that I lead for 5.5 years. Those were some of the greatest times of ministry thus far. I miss our intense discussions. I miss our sleepovers. I miss laughing with those girls. I miss hearing from them often. I miss digging into God's word with teenagers.

I hope that this isn't depressing or sad. It is just a day of reflection for me. I have had a super busy summer and haven't had much time to just stop! I have 3 weeks until school starts - which is good, because I miss school and teaching.

I guess my purpose in writing this is to remind myself of all the blessings God has so graciously poured over me through the years. I look back through pictures or re-read journals or catch up on blogs and am reminded of how truly blessed I am. I am blessed to have memories worth remembering. I am blessed to have amazing friends. I am blessed to have gone to college and live in a house.

Thank you Jesus for the blessings you pour out on my day after day. You are a wonderful father and I am humbled to be in your presence.

Mission Served

2009-06-28T21:56:00.004-04:00

Birmingham, Alabama is HOTTTTTT! I spent the week of the 13th-20th there with our youth group. We were on our mission trip and worked with an organization called Mission Serve.

Some cool things about this trip:

1. We took the church bus all the way!
2. We were mixed up with kids and adults from 8 different states.
3. Consider was the worship band all week.
4. I met some amazing adults and kids.
5. I met Ms. Betty Taylor, a.k.a. Momma.
6. God used each one of us to do HIS work.
7. I turned 29 (and only cried once about it).
8. We washed feet.
9. We did volunteer work on our free day.
10. I let go and let God!

My final thoughts about this trip came down to one amazing thing: God brings HIS people together for HIS good. I was amazed at how quickly relationships were formed and bonds were made. I keep in touch with several of the kids from my team. I have talked to Momma on the phone. I am in touch with Courtney, new friend from TX, just about daily. None of this could have been done on my own....it is only by God's amazing planning that this happened.

And I am changed because of it.

Front row: Megan, Momma, Courtney Middle Row: Tessa, Me, Wilson, Maranda, Lauren, Mark Back Row: Tanner, Garrett, Will, Joey

Two Amazing Women

2009-06-10T10:55:00.002-04:00

I had the greatest time yesterday! I got to spend time with my grandma and my great-aunt Thelma. These ladies are two peas in a pod. They are so much like sisters (related by marriage to each other). Their company just overwhelms me with joy!

My grandma is one of the strongest, most caring people I know. She loves the Lord with her life and has modeled that for me - sometimes more than I have realized. She lives in Arkansas now, but is very involved in my life and the goings on of it. I can seriously talk to her about most anything. And, boy can we laugh!!! Those of you that know me, know just how much I love to laugh. Well, time with grandma can bring out some of the BEST laughing attacks!

My aunt Thelma is probably the sweetest person I know (and I know lots of sweethearts). She is genuinely happy to see me. She prays for me often. She shares how the Lord is working in her life. She relies on Jesus 24/7 and speaks truth always! I could honestly spend all day with her and never want to leave. My favorite thing about her is the way she loves....unconditionally and makes you feel like you are the most important person in the world.

Yeah, I was blessed beyond measure yesterday just getting to spend time with these two amazing women. I pray that everyone has at least one person like them. Maybe you are fortunate to have several. Don't take them for granted. I am a firm believe that God intrinsically designs relationships to meet needs that we have. Your relationships may just be the way that God daily reveals himself to you!

Precious Jesus, thank you for these 2 amazing women. Thanks that I could spend time with them. Thank you for the testimony that each of them has. Thank you for the witness that they are to me, each other, our family, and the world of your awesome-ness.

The End is Near

2009-05-31T21:46:00.002-04:00

Four more days! I can't believe that the end of another school year is almost here. This has been quite the year too.

It was the first time I have ever taught the same grade for a second year. We had a new reading series. There was a new teacher in our grade level. I had 6 high-ability kids. I tried MANY new things in my class. I didn't coach middle school basketball. I went through some personal challenges. I had a student reach 300 objectives in ACM and another get to almost 500 points in AR (independent math and reading programs). I read a book to my kids called Sir Fartsalot Hunts the Booger. I read 10 books over the course of the school year. I traveled. I attended professional workshops/conferences.

I have thought back over this school year SO MUCH this weekend. I find myself wondering "What are the lessons that my students learned this year? I mean the important lessons that they will take with them. What will they remember about their 5th grade teacher? Are they a better person after having spent 180 days with me? Are they ready for middle school? Are they smarter?"

So much goes through my mind. Teaching 5th grade, I don't have the luxury of seeing my kids at school next year...they go on to middle school. I miss them already.

I always try to figure out what the closing message will be to my kids on the afternoon of their last day. I don't know what I will say. I don't know if it will be the right thing. I don't know if they will care. I don't know if they will remember.

What I do know is that God is in control. I know that HE has challenged me this year to lean on him more and more in every aspect of my life. I know that my daily prayer: "Lord, give me the patience that I need today to love these kids they way you love me," will continue to be my prayer for 4 more days.

Yes, the end of one things is very near. But the beginning of the next is just around the corner.

Do Not Worry

2009-05-21T17:26:00.001-04:00

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:25-27)

I worry too much. How much is too much you ask? According to these verses, any worrying is too much. When I read them, worrying just seems stupid. I know that God is going to take care of me, he always has.

So, if you are a worry wart (like I am sometimes), don't be. God knows what we need when we need it. He's really great like that.

What To Do

2009-05-16T21:36:00.003-04:00

I'm stirred today. I'm still working through Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I actually hadn't read too much for a few weeks. I picked it up today and was rocked! I'm constantly amazed at the blind faith I read about. I worry about the dumbest things some times, and for no reason. These people are really putting themselves out there. Living "unsafe" according to societal norms. And they are totally filled with joy in the risk and their faith is bubbling over.

Then I think, "So Dina, what are you going to do?" And I honestly have no answers. Sometimes I just want to pick up, move somewhere else, and minister to kids in the ghetto. Other times I think about all that I can do, but am not doing, with the students in my classroom. I wonder if I need to go to another church. Or, do I need to just downsize my life.

I know what I need to do. I need to spend more time with Jesus. I need to get into the Word. I need to pray for some guidance. I need to be awake and aware of the opportunities God is giving me (maybe I am overlooking things). I need to be Dina, not someone else.

The Super Cool Thing about God

2009-05-10T12:46:00.004-04:00

God is so good!

This past week was a rough one. For more info click here: www.glowministry.blogspot.com/

back to the title....God knew I needed some encouragement and HE provided. I had emailed 2 friends about some struggles and was overwhelmed by their replies. I want to share some of what they said with you.

"I want you to know that you are a BEAUTIFUL child of God equipped with so, so many talents. You carry your friends burden's, pray and care for them like no one else I know, teach and are Jesus to SO MANY kids DAILY and yeah.. I could go on and on about the attributes that Jesus gave you, D. You are truly, truly beautiful inside and out and I hope you know that. (Dude, do you know how many people covet your fabo hair and super tan completion???)"

"I am not hopeless for you!...you truly are a wonderful and beautiful person. Phil. 1:6 (Message version). 'There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.'"

I am by no means sharing that to boast about myself, but to share how God speaks to us. He created us to be in relationship with other believers. These 2 friends have PROVEN that to me. When I am down, I know that God has placed people in my life as HIS tool. People that can speak HIS truth over me when I can't/won't hear his voice alone.

That is the super cool thing about God - HE knows what we need when we need it!

at a loss...

2009-05-03T22:29:00.002-04:00

Have you ever gone through times when you are at a loss for what to do?

I have reached that point with some things.

I am a person who wants to know NOW! I don't like to wait. I don't like to be in the unknown. I don't like to get to the end of me.

But, I find that those are the times when God does amazing things.

Right now, I am struggling. I'm watching so many people give into satan and sin. I'm seeing so many friends reach a point of hopelessness. I'm at a loss for what to do. Pray is what I do, but I don't even know what to pray anymore.

I am a flood of emotions: joy for the positive moments, anger at their decisions, frustration from not knowing how to help, sadness for the pain that is so evident.

Lord, you know all. You know hearts, you know choices, you know the way the enemy can sink his teeth in. I'm begging you to make your presence known in these lives. Let your love pour over them. Lord, open their eyes and hearts to YOU. For you are the mightly healer. Only you can satisfy. And help those of us who care to believe that you are in control.

All I Want to Know is Christ

2009-04-27T20:45:00.007-04:00

I had the pleasure of visiting Kalyn and Hannah at Taylor University. I was even blessed enough to get to go to chapel with them. The speaker was a man from Scotland.

I can’t remember his credentials. I don’t remember the title of his address. I can’t tell you all of the key points that he made. BUT, I can tell you one thing that I heard that just rocked my socks.

It is a passage of scripture that I have read countless times, memorized, and taught from. Today I heard the same verses in a different version (Good News Bible) and I was blown away.

Philippians 3:10

“All I want to know is Christ…”

Did you catch what that is saying?! Did you hear what Paul is proclaiming?! Do you see the stand that he is taking?! ALL HE WANTS TO KNOW IS CHRIST! I can’t wrap my mind around it!

The version I have always read and studied is from the New International Version: “I want to know Christ…” Can you see how this different version puts a new perspective on things?

“All I want to know is Christ” is a powerful proclamation. And I don’t know if I could proclaim that. I mean, I could. I can say it right now in the middle of Starbucks (grande vanilla latte). I could tell people as I see them, “Hey, all I want to know is Christ.” I would probably get some crazy looks. I might get an “amen” or “go for it” or “good luck with that.” But to proclaim that all I want to know is Christ is something completely different.

I’m teaching about the American Revolution right now with my 5th graders. We are talking about the proclamations were made then: “Give me liberty or give me death!” “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes!” These were not said in simple passing. These were not merely spoken just to be said. These were proclaimed and the people that said these things lived it out.

To proclaim “All I want to know is Christ” is more than just opening our mouths and speaking words. It is a life. It is a daily choice. It is a denial of one’s self. It is complete surrender of all control. It is humility.

I want to know a lot of things. But if I don’t want to know Christ, first and foremost, what good is wanting to know the lots of other things?

Suffering

2009-04-27T20:04:00.000-04:00

“But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God.” (2 Tim 1:8b)

I’m reading 2 Timothy and was hit hard with this verse. So many questions came to mind.

What does it mean to suffer for the gospel?

Is this suffering the same for everyone?

Am I suffering for the gospel?

What do I need to do to suffer for the gospel?

I wrestled with this verse. Some days I feel as if I go through the day with no NEED for Jesus. I am in complete control of every aspect of my day: my travel, my job, my time with people – everything. Then I read this verse and realize that I am called to suffer for the gospel! How do I do that when I’m not even sure what it means?! Like today, what have I done that has caused me to suffer for the gospel of Jesus? Or what will I do for that matter?

I asked some of my peeps what on earth Paul meant by this verse. Basically it is literal suffering and hardships. Let’s look at the ministry that Jesus lived on this earth. He was homeless. He hung out with the “wrong crowd.” He was questioned constantly. He was tempted. He was beaten. He was nailed to a cross. He suffered.

Look at the life of the disciples. They left everything that was familiar to them to follow Jesus. They were questioned, ridiculed, shunned, and (several of them) martyred. That is literal suffering and hardships.

The crazy part of this is that they CHOSE this life! Jesus, his disciples, Moses, Abraham, Paul, John, the list goes on – they all suffered (literally) for the gospel. They heard the call of God and CHOSE to follow it. They relied on God to get them through and had their hope in Jesus. Nothing that they went through was too much, because it was all for the glory of the Lord. It was all to give testimony to the work that God was doing.

So, I go back to the earlier questions:

What does it mean to suffer for the gospel? From what I have read and heard, it means hardship. It means putting me out there for Jesus. It means struggling…literally.

Is this suffering the same for everyone? Absolutely not. However, we can share our sufferings in that they are for Jesus. We can listen, learn, console, and encourage one another in our sufferings.

Am I suffering for the gospel? I would have to say that I’m not sure. Sometimes I’m just sure I am. But, my life is not a life of hardship or suffering. Today, I feel as though I am just because of the wrestling in my heart to learn what it means to suffer.

What do I need to do to suffer for the gospel? I need to live beyond myself. I need to step out in faith MORE! I need to put myself in uncomfortable places and circumstances. I need to stand up for Jesus more than I do. I need to rely on God and the truth that HE has his best for me.

God Loving Ordinary Women

2009-04-22T18:34:00.001-04:00

Just a quick note:

I am part of a women's ministry at church called GLOW (God Loving Ordinary Women). There is a link to our blog on the side. Just wanted to let you all know. There are six of us who post on there. We all come from different backgrounds with one common purpose - to spread the love of Jesus.

I just wanted to let you all know.

Much love, Dina

A Great Day

2009-04-20T22:18:00.002-04:00

Today was a great day! I woke up tired (see previous post noting time it was posted). I think I got about 5 hours of sleep. But, right as I remember falling asleep, I prayed that God would let the little amount of rest be enough to get me through the day. HE did! I love my God!

Nothing super significant happened today, it was just a good day. First off, I got to spend the day teaching...AND I LOVE MY JOB! I know so many people who do not have joy at their place of work. I can honestly say that I love my job. I look forward to each new day. I wonder what it will bring. And I genuinely enjoy my students. They are some of the coolest 10 and 11 year olds that I know.

So, what made today so great...Well we started a unit on the American Revoluntion in Social Studies. We are doing some things different and the kids were overall excited. This is one of my most favorite parts of US History. Also, we started our Poetry unit in Writing. I love teaching poetry to kids. This is my 3rd year teaching poetry and it amazes me what comes out of kids. I plan on sharing some of the things they write.

After school I worked out - my thighs are on fire. I spent some time with Robin. I had a good dinner and conversation with Tim. I watched the news (which I love to do). I did some grading, including reading letters from some of my kids about what they are reading. I emailed some people, chatted with some of my former youth kids on facebook, and spent time with Jesus.

Again, there wasn't anything super significant to my day. It was a just a blessing of a day and it was good. I love days like this. They are like a little piece of candy from God, just the right amount of sweet.

Do We Really Get It?

2009-04-19T23:32:00.003-04:00

I was getting ready to go to bed and my mind is just too busy. I have this "problem" every now and then - my mind gets to racing and I have to get my thoughts out. Normally I would write in my journal, but I left it in my Jeep. So, my thoughts shall get posted here.

Let's see...my day today was busy: blogged this morning (on a private - soon to be public - blog), went to church, stopped by home quick, went to a cookout/6-year-old's bday party, ran back home for 45 minutes, went to a 4 and 2-year old's bday party, hung out with my other mom, came home at 9:30. That is the day in a nutshell.

Church got me stirred up (as if I needed anymore to do that). J preached and his sermon title was "Unreasonable". The gist of the sermon was exceptional generosity - what we are called to give as followers of Jesus. Let me tell you, he spoke truth, he made me uncomfortable with how little I am giving, and he challenged me. So many times we "christians" quote scripture saying that we need to "give 10%" of things. J put it well...10% is the minimum. God wants it all, 24/7, everything that we have. As I listened to the sermon I wondered, "Do I really get this?"

I celebrated some pretty awesome kids today at their bday parties. But, as I sat there in the midst of presents, food, mindless chatter, I had to wonder. At one party I was blessed to see and hear a friend who has been doing missions in several countries. She was talking about ministering to prostitutes in the red light district in a city in Thailand. There we all sat, enjoying the securities that we have and I wondered, "Do I really get what Jenn is doing? Do I grasp the depth of the crap that she is seeing?" I found that I just wanted to break down and cry, but it wasn't the time or place for that (so I did it in my car as I drove away later).

I spent time with my "other" mom, Kimmy. I haven't sat and talked with she and her husband in a long time. I can honestly say that every time I am with them, I am filled with joy. I can be myself and talk and know that I am loved. We talked about everything; what we are reading, what we have been doing, families, etc. We laughed and just purely enjoyed the company of each other. I left there happy but questioning, "Do I really understand the importance of these relationships? Do I understand that Jesus has built this relationship to what it is? Do I give HIM praise for these people in my life?

I don't want to downplay my day. It was a great day and I am blessed by the relationships that I have , the kids I celebrated, the WORD that was preached, and the home that I have. But there is so much more going on around me. Do I get it? Do I understand that not everyone lives a happy, comfortable life? Do I realize that there are people in my personal life, my community, kids in my class that can't comprehend the blessings that I too often take for granted?

Just what is on my mind tonight. I thought I would share. Praying that God would open my eyes more and break my heart more. Praying that I would give more, give all that I am and have to God.

An Uncomfortable Wrestling Match

2009-04-10T23:33:00.003-04:00

I don't really know what to title this one...so I'm not going to title it. I just can't seem to find the right words. And, forgive me now if this post wanders and I seem a little ADD. I have a lot going on in my brain and I can't keep it to myself any longer. So, for those of you who actually do read this, I hope it stirs you and causes discomfort.

I just finished reading The Shack. I won't give anything away, but I highly recommend this book for ANYONE to read. It is on the New York Times best seller list, it is fiction, and I have never read anything that so clearly portrayed the relationship we are to have with the trinity. The story takes you through a man's struggle to forgive and understand why. I was moved to tears, laughter, anger, questions, and a deep desire to grow in my relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. My eyes were opened to how close-minded I am in my walk with God. More importantly, my eyes were opened to how . . . looking for the right word . . . clouded the church is to what relationships and love and forgiveness and fellowship and worship are really about.

One of the first things I tell people about my testimony is that I wasn't "brought up in the church" or that I didn't grow up in a "christian" home. But, I am realizing that doesn't matter. I was raised to love, care about human beings, not judge, and live with good morals. Truth be told, I was raised better than many people who were brought up in the church or grew up in a christian home. Don't get me wrong, I know lots of people who were raised well in the church and christian homes. But I also know many who have turned from God because of being raised in the church or in a so-called christian home. What is my point? God doesn't care about it! He cares about the here and now. He cares about us growing closer to him, attempting to understand a little more every day, giving up ourselves daily, trusting HIM 24/7.

Those were my thoughts when I finished The Shack. Today I started reading Irresistible Revolution. I haven't been able to put it down for long. I am intrigued. I am stirred. I am feeling forced to look at my life in alignment with the Gospel, with what God has spoken to my heart, with what I know to be true of Jesus and the sacrifice that he made for this world. Let me tell you - IT IS NOT COMFORTABLE! I like to feel in control, to have a plan, to know what is coming at me tomorrow, to be in a routine. Well, that is not a life of faith. So, I wrestle with what is important to me right now: a safe plan or a life of faith. Not an easy wrestling match. Honestly I hope I lose this one. I hope that Jesus pins me and beats me up in the process. That is what I need right now.

I think of the account of Jacob wrestling with God (found in Genesis 32:22-30). Jacob wrestled through the night and was given a new name, Israel, because of this. What is the new name God has for me? What is the purpose in wrestling with safety versus faith? Why is living by faith so incredibly difficult for me? For the church? For humans?

(I just thougth of a title. So, if you are reading this and wondering why I said at the beginning I didn't have a title, well I didn't have one at first. It just came to me...)

Back on track . . . Well, I lost my train of thought. I guess I just wonder if I am trying more and more every day to live by faith, to trust God with my whole life and not just parts of it, giving up control and safety, willing to go wherever God wants me, and showing people that I truly love Jesus with all my heart.

I would love to hear your stories of wrestling. I have a friend who shares her stories with me often and I am encouraged. I hope you are encouraged by this. More importantly I hope you are challenged to be in an uncomfortable wrestling match.

Ramblings...

2009-04-10T23:18:00.002-04:00

It is Spring Break.
I went to the East Coast.
I spent a day touring some of the sights that formed our great country.
I saw some beautiful Vermont country.
I read a fantastic book - The Shack.
I met 10 amazing teenage girls.
I was reminded of the importance of relationship with people.
I was blessed by my friend Sara.
I watched my Lady Huskies win a National Championship.
I drank some great coffee and some great beer.
I missed the way things used to be.
I thought about life.
I watched "Slumdog Millionaire" and was moved.
I realized how much I really do have.
I started reading my Bible every day (for the 198th time).
I questioned God.
I spent hours traveling.
I hung out with some cool people.
I bought a Vermont hoodie.
I listened to good music.
I ate some great food.
I listened to some awesome Boston accents.
I conversed with Jesus lots.
I slept in.
I started another book - Irresistible Revolution.
I looked at books with dad.
I talked on the phone with mom.
I sent a lot of text messages.
I struggled.
I missed my kids.
I am challenged.
I consider if my life is reflective of the relationship I have with Jesus.
I wonder what I am doing every day that requires faith.
I look forward to time with a friend tomorrow.
I go back to school on Monday.
I start teaching on the American Revolution in a little over a week.
I wrestle with where God is wanting me to go.
I love.

Crazy Love

2009-03-29T21:20:00.004-04:00

So I'm reading this book, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, with our senior high small groups at church. I have mixed emotions about this book. The gist of the book is God's crazy love for us and how we need to share that with others....be Jesus to the world, if you will. The mix comes with a deep-down passion to do just that, love like Jesus loves, but I have a fear of what loving someone like that will do to me.

I have learned SO MUCH about love over the past few months. (those of you that read this blog or talk with me know exactly what I'm talking about.) And I am completely blown away by God's unfailing love. I can't believe how God constantly pours his love out on me, on those around me, on those who don't even acknowledge him. And, all He wants in return, is for us to share that love with others.

Now, when I love, I love all-out. I love my family, my friends, my students, the youth....I love them. I do my best to show that love. But, I'm wrestling with when I love, is it really (I mean REALLY) unconditional? Do I love people when they aren't easy to love? Do I hide from love when it hurts? Do I love the "unloveable"?

I get caught up in the way the world defines love - love when it benefits me. Love if I will get some glory out of it. Love if it makes me look good. Love because others are watching. And wouldn't you know, just when I get comfy with my conditions on love, God throws a curveball. He puts somenone in my path that I want to avoid, but I can't help but love them. It could be a friend, foe, or complete stranger. It ticks me off sometimes because it is never convenient.

Then I remember God's crazy love for me. He doesn't have to love me. But, he chooses to love me. And I'm sure I'm not easy to love all the time. In fact, I know I'm not! That is the example that we have to follow: to lay ourselves aside and love.

Because that is what God does for us.

Threes about Me

2009-02-07T13:07:00.002-05:00

Kevin tagged me, so here goes (I'm such a nerd too because I love doing these):

Three jobs I have had in my life: grounds crew, school bus cleaning, young adults leader at church

Three movies I would watch over and over: Shawshank Redemption, Grumpy Old Men, Tommy Boy

Three shows that I watch: Biggest Loser, The Office, Bones

Three places I have been: 1. Mena, Arkansas 2. Sydney Australia 3. Doma Zimbabwe

Three of my favorite foods: potatoes, break, pizza

Three places I'd rather be right now: Colorado, sleeping in bed, on a hot beach

Three things I am looking forward to this year: mission trip to Alabama, buying a house, having a student teacher (in the fall)

Three jobs I would love to have: college bball coach, professor, house parent for children's home

I'm going to tag Darcy, Jess, Niki

Tat update

2009-01-08T20:07:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to say that my tattoo is healing very well. A little itchy, but doing great.

Also, I can't believe the comments I have had about it.....both on here and on my facebook.

It amazes me how we, in our human-ness, are so quick to give our opinion on something without knowing the full story. I have had several comments on facebook or in person of people expressing their.......dislike of tattoos. The great thing about that is that I get to share a piece of my personal testimony with them. If they mention something on facebook, I send them to my blog post about it. If I meet them in person I get to share with them, one-on-one.

Funny how God works. I got this tattoo as a very personal reminder of HIS love for me. And by having that reminder, I get to share HIS love with others.

Sure, I don't expect everyone to have the same opinion I do about tattoos. And I'm certainly not trying to judge those who do or don't have them. I'm just being bold enough to say that before we pass judgement, we need to seek out more of the story.

Jesus was a perfect example of this. Think of the accounts in the Gospels where Jesus "ran into" someone who was socially unacceptable. Do we read about him passing judgement (when he very well had the right to....I mean, he is God in flesh)? Do we read about him pointing fingers and telling all his friends about the outcast? Do we read about him blasting people with hatred? NO, NO, NO. We read about love. Love of God's children. Love of the lost. Love of the hurting. Love of our brothers and sisters.

So, a reminder for all of us (me too), be quick to LOVE and slow to judge.

New Thoughts for a New Year

2009-01-04T08:54:00.002-05:00

Cliche', I know. But, it is true. I wrote these down while eating breakfast on January 1 (and continued them on January 2). I debated whether or not to share my personal thoughts. This morning I was reading back through my journal, something I do often. I felt a nudge to share my new thoughts as this new year began. No doubt they will dig at people. I felt uncomfortable writing them and still felt uncomfortable as I read them this morning. I will let you decide for yourself.

It all started on New Year's Eve as J was giving a lesson to the youth. He said, "Have you ever reached such a low place that you wonder if it is all worth it? Not suicidal thoughts, but just wondered?" I began to realize right then, that this is kind of how I ended 2008 - wondering if it is worth it. I know that it is, but that doesn't make it easy. I'm constantly wondering what life has for me, how I can get what I want. Then I stop and remember . . . this life is not about me. It is about serving Jesus as best as I can. Then I think What is my best? What would it look like to serve Him the best that I can?"

I don't have the answer, but I know it is better than what I'm doing right now. I know it means continually giving my life, my whole life, over to the One who knows best. And that is hard - for whatever reason - it gets harder every day.

I'm sure it boils down to faith.

Simple, undamaged, raw faith.

Faith that doesn't want all the answers.

Faith that doesn't doubt that God has HIS best for me.

Faith that says, "I will go."

Jeremiah 9:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord."

Tattoo Fun

2009-01-03T16:25:00.007-05:00

This post is just to show you some fun that I had on Friday with some friends of mine. J, Roblyn, G-Pack, and Jenna accompanied me to get my sweet new tattoo. It was loads of fun.

Please check out the post after this one. It gives a little more of my thoughts about my tattoo.

And yes, it did hurt. LOTS! Hahaha!

The King is Enthralled....

2009-01-03T16:01:00.008-05:00

"The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." (bold is mine)

enthralled - to hold spellbound; captivate

That has been a pretty powerful verse for the past 2 years. If you have kept up with my blog recently, you know that I just finished reading Captivating. I first read it a little over 2 years ago. Life was great, but this verse struck me. It is a beautiful verse. It tells exactly how God feels about women.

But, what does this verse mean to me.....As you can see, it meant enough that I got it permanently place on my foot (and boy did it hurt!). This verse is a reminder for me. A reminder that God is enthralled with my beauty and, therefore, I need to honor him for that. But what does that mean, "honor him"? In my recent journey, it means letting God love me. It means loving myself because the creator of all that was, is, and is to come found it esential that I be made. In HIS image. For HIS purpose.

I have been reflecting so much lately on how my life honors God.

Sometimes, it doesn't. I can be 100%, completely honest to say that too. I have spent nights filling my body with poison. I have engaged in activities that bring NO glory to God. I have said things that have caused pain to God's children. I have committed sin that has caused others to sin.

But then, there are times when I feel that I am doing all and giving all to serving the Lord. And I can honestly say that those have been some of the hardest and most joyous times of my life.

What is the difference? My attitude. When I really sit back and consider God - well, I am baffled. Overjoyed at the true mystery of this amazing, loving, right, just, compassionate, graceful, merciful God that I can call on any time. And then I remember what Psalm 45:11 says, "The King is enthralled by your beauty..." That is awesome. No matter what I go through, the stumbles, the falls, the highs, the lows, the KING of Kings is enthralled by my beauty. He looks at me and calls me his daughter.

WOW...........

Let God Love

2008-12-29T06:41:00.006-05:00

This title was SUPER easy to come up with, but has been my struggle for a long time. Let God love. Let Him love what you ask......me. It's that simple. And it seems strange that this is a struggle. I am a very loving person, and I know that is something people would say about me. And, for anyone that knows God, love comes straight from him. 1 John 4:16 says, "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God." So how is it that I am able to be a loving person and at the same time be a person that struggles to let God (who is love) love me?

I just finished reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. Here are my final comments:

I am blown away. I am most blown away with how much, how often God pours his unfailing love on me. My eyes were opened to why I long for love, relationships, comfort from people. that is who God created me, Dina Coverstone, to be. But, before it can happen with people, it MUST happen with God. He needs to be my main man, the one I run to in all circumstances.

So, I have been reflecting on my life since October when I really seemed to hit rock-bottom. I have been noting how God showed this unconditional, unfailing love to me and I want to share some things with you.

1. He loved on my through people. I have 3 friends who were in contact with me daily! It was inevitable that one of them would call or text me every day just to remind me of who I am, who
God created me to be, and that I was loved.

2. I live with 2 amazing friends right now that I can freely talk about my struggles and hopes and
dreams with. I do not doubt that God placed me here for this season as His hedge of protection
and encouragement.

3. I was able to go to Colorado over Thanksgiving to spend some time with my best friend and her
husband (hadn't seen then since June). Karissa and I were able to spend lots of time together
talking, laughing, and sharing some struggles with one another. And the best thing about it
all...she (nor Luke) did not condemn, frown, or bat an eye at what I shared with her. Instead, I was
encouraged and love in the midst of what I was going through. No better example of the love that
Jesus pours over us.

4. I saw the Rocky Mountains. How does God show His love through mountains. Well, if you have
seen them you know what I mean. If you haven't, you need to. As I was flying from Denver to
Dallas, I was completely captivated by these mountains. I could not stop staring out the window of
the plane. They were majestic. There was a slight covering of snow. They stretched as far as my
eyes could see. God did not have to make them, but he chose to reveal himself that way. He
loves us enough to make the earth a place of beauty.

5. I have spent so much time with my family. Despite the fact that most of them don't want anything
to do with God, they are very loving. I have never spent time with them and not felt loved for just
being Dina. Funny to me how that works, yet God knew I needed loved on.

6. Christmas Break. I have been able to spend time with some fabulous friends that I don't get to
see very often. It was so good to just love and be loved on by people.

There are many other ways that God has loved on me, but these are some major things that couldn't be ignored. I have been learning so much about God's love. Some days it is a no-brainer and other days it is a struggle. The God of all creation (did you catch that) loves me. He loves me in a way that no one, no thing can ever love me. Now, if I would just let Him.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son..." -John 3:16

I've Been Tagged

2008-11-29T21:40:00.004-05:00

50 questions to answer and then tag your blogger friends. Tag as many or as few as you want, whatever works for you. AND...try to put some added info into your answers, no "one worders" please :) We're trying to learn about each other here PEOPLE!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes. I'm proud to say I got the family name. When my older brother was born, mom and dad flipped a coin to see who got to name him. Mom won and Ryan didn't get a family name. So, when I came along, dad got to name me. Dina D. - named after my dad, Dino and my grandpa Dean.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Today....I went hiking in the Rocky Mtns. with Karissa and we just had a great conversation. I got pretty teary-eyed talking about some things.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I love my handwriting, cursive and print. I don't know why, I just do. :)

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Virginia Baked Ham....I especially love it in an omlet.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? None that officially belong to me, but I teach 23 amazing students! And I call them "my kids".

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Pretty sure I would, I make myself smile alot and my friends too. And, I love to be around people that make me smile.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Never! Hahahaha, I am totally sarcastic. I get it from my daddy.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? sure do unless they were mysteriously taken without me knowing about it.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Never in a million years. Too terrified of heights for one. And why would you jump off a perfectly stable structure just to get flung through the air. And I'm concerned as to how one gets unhooked from the bungee cord.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cocoa Dino-bites. It is Walmart bag cereal. (I'm trying not to eat as much....it's not very healthy).

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope, but I untie them to put them back on.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Most of the time. I've been working out and my muscles are getting rather beastly. I like the definition of them.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Mint Chocolate Chip. But during the Christmas season, I will choose peppermint. Yummy!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? their smile and eyes.

15. RED OR PINK? i think i prefer pink (no comments from Darcy). Although, I like a good true red every now and then.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? struggling to like myself on a daily basis.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandma (aka Gram). She died when I was 8 or 9 and was the most loving person ever. And she always made time for us. And, she laughed ALL THE TIME...so much that she would inevitably pee her pants.

18. WHAT IS THE WORST QUESTION PPL ASK YOU ALL THE TIME? Are you seeing anyone?

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? i'm wearing luke's brown sandals right now (he's my BF's hubby and he let me borrow them to walk down to dinner)

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Fresh pineapple, grapes, and figs - it was desert after dinner.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? people talking, tv in background, Karissa making cookies!

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Green. it is my favorite color. it is so fresh and clean. and reminds me of spring

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? freshly mowed grass, leaves burning, campfires

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Tim. I had to remind him to pick me up at the airport tomorrow.

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE? tough choice. due to being in CO, I would have to say mountain hideaway. it is so majestic and peaceful here.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Basketball, primarily women's college bball. Actually, any bball will do. i just love to watch bball.

27. HAIR COLOR? dark brown. right now there are some blonde and red-tinted streaks

28. EYE COLOR? brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes and I can wear them for 30 days/nights straight! I love them.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? cheese pizza from Pizza Hut or chicken

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? happy endings. I really don't like scary movies because I will, inevitably, have nightmares.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Kid. And I laughed just as hard as always.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Black Huntington University T with a pink long sleeve underneath

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer because I love to be barefoot

35. HUGS OR KISSES? HUGS all the way!!!! Nothing that makes me happier than a good solid hug

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? anything chocolate. I really like warm brownies or warm choc chip cookies (which I will be eating in about 15 minutes)

37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO? I do strength training, but like some good cardio....make the lungs burn!

38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION? I prefer neither, but since i have to choose, I would go with computer. it's how i keep in touch with my peeps.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. It is so good and much needed at this point in my life.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have one here. At school it is an advertisement for Splash Universe waterpark

42. FAVORITE SOUND? a perfect "swoosh" in a bball net

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles all the way. They are my favorite band of all time (Jeni...I can't believe you don't know these bands! You best be putting some on your Itunes)

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Australia (from Sydney to Cairns) I went there the summer before my Sr. year of highschool.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Hugging. I know it doesn't sound like much, but people refer to my hugs as "Dina-hugs" and that has it's very own meaning.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Goshen Hospital, Goshen, IN

47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW? Syracuse, IN with some great friends.

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE? White with green shutters

49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR? light khaki (that's what the sales slip said)

50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS? It was kinda fun. It took a while too. Makes me think and I love sharing things like this with people.

I would like to tag...
Jenn, Jess, Hannah

In the Midst of Crap

2008-11-03T19:09:00.003-05:00

The title came so easily because that is where I am. But the words aren't coming out (my appologies if this is a little scattered as I get things out).

If you are reading this and wondering what the stink is wrong with Dina, please read the previous post - it gives a little background. Yes I am doing so much better and am slowly coming out of a self-deficating pit, but it is not easy. I feel like I climb and can almost see out of the pit and then I slip and fall back down. It is amazing how God is right there though. I'm speechless most of the time to think about just how God is 24/7 involved in my daily life.

Still, I find myself in the midst of crap. But, I am encouraged. I just had Fall Break from school - total blessing. I spent 4 days driving around the great state of Indiana and visiting so many people.

Wednesday night I got my hair cut and colored by my dear friend Erin. So good to spend time with her and share my struggles and joys. She is such an encouragement and just pours out the love on me. I needed that. Afterwards I hung out with AJ at B-dub's. It was encouraging to know that I am not alone in my struggles and questions and frustrations.

I had lunch with my old roomie. First we hugged and cried just because we miss each other so much. We spent 2 hours catching up and sharing all that God is doing in our lives. Both of us are dealing with BIG things, but it was so encouraging to know that God is right there in the center of it all...growing us, shaping us, molding us for HIS divine purpose.

Next I traveled to Huntington University and Taylor University to visit 2 of my girls. Nothing could have made my break better (but it got better). I got to hug them and see their lives and meet their friends and just be loved on. I shared what's been going on with me and they just loved and encouraged. ....So good!

Friday I had lunch with another friend, Jamie. We just spent time laughing and hangin out. I love her so much.

Then I headed for Indy to see Jenna. She and I just met this summer at camp and hit it off. We met up with another friend from camp, went out to eat, saw a movie and just hung out. Saturday she studied for school and I did school work. Then we ate pizza, watched a movie, and just enjoyed the company of each other.

So, you are probably wondering about my title as of this minute. This all seems well and good and it was! Please don't read this and think that my weekend was such crap. It was so good. But, Saturday night I fell back into an old habbit. At the time it was fun and I can look back and say that I had a good time, but I know that God was not glorified. I know that I wasn't being Jesus to so many people that don't know him. And I slipped back into the pit.

So, I'm in the midst of crap. Personally - I'm dealing with losing weight. I have been working out with a personal trainer, eating better, and running (which I absolutely despise) only to get on the scale and see a 6lb gain tonight. Nothing breaks me more than that. It hurts deep down in places that I didn't think could hurt. And now I face the challenge of the morning...get up, get ready, and look myself in the face and tell myself that I am beautiful. Some guy is out there who will think that of me. And then I put on my happy face and go into my day. Spiritually - I'm wrestling so much with God right now. My days are filled with highs and lows. I struggle to believe the promises that I know to be true. I wonder if God really is hearing my cries for help, saving, love. Emotionally - I am drained at the end of each day. I pour myself into teaching, and it has been good. I work out with such anger and feel some release doing that. I feel like I constantly have a well of tears ready to spill over.

In the midst of crap. . . I'm encouraged to know that this is a season. And I'm encouraged to know that these trials, crap, will strengthen me. And I know that God must have a huge plan in store and that satan is attacking in new ways. All this I know, but it doesn't make the crap easier, just more real.

1 Peter 5:8-9 "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings."

Me

2008-10-26T22:29:00.003-04:00

October 21, 2008

I'm so blah....I don't even know what I am. I'm angry, bitter, alone, selfish, hungry, needing, fat, ugly. Did I mention alone?! I hate getting to this point. More than that, I hate how I can't focus on God. I am so focued on me right now that all I see is me. And my image of myself freakin sucks! So I'm beginning to realize that because all I see is me, and "me" is not very pleasing right now, I am struggling to find any hope at all.

Bible study was the most uncomfortable place I have ever been tonight. But, so much of it resonates in me. I know that is God digging in so why do I keep pushing back? Why can't I just surrender, back down? For the love of Pete, why can't I just let God do His thing? Ahhhh......

Well, it all goes back to me. Like a hall of mirrors where you get lost and the only thing you can see is your own, distorted self . Yuck!

I want to change me but I have to look at why. Do I want to change because me isn't glorifying God? Or because I want to be surrounded by a better me?

Seriously looking at me tonight (couldn't be avoided), I realized a huge fear...that I will never be desireable to anyone. That really sucks to realize such a fear as that. But it is me and it is very real to me.

Such a crappy pit to be in. Especially when I can't seem to find a way out.

Today, October 26, 2008

This was me just 5 days ago (actually I was still feeling this way as of Friday night when I went to bed). I know I am not the only person to be in a pit. But, here is the really cool part. God did not leave me there. He was there all along waiting for the right moment to grab me. And He did just that. As I closed my eyes to go to sleep Friday, I was overwhelmed with clear vision. My eyes were opened to the pit that I had allowed myself to get into. He let me see where I had taken my life and it was not good. Then, in all of HIS redemptive glory, he scooped me up, cradled me in HIS arms, and loved me right where I was.

I am overjoyed to say that I love GOD! That's right, you heard me, I LOVE GOD! I have never known another being to love me right in the midst of a pit of crap that I have jumped into. I have never experienced mercy and grace to the extent I have this weekend. I have never seen so clearly as I do right now. And I have never, without a doubt, believed that God has/does/will always have my best in HIS plans. What an awesome God!

So, praise be to Jesus Christ for his sacrifice. May HE get all the glory for this amazing weekend, my life renewal, and the overwhelming love that is pouring out of me.

kids

2008-09-25T20:56:00.002-04:00

As many of you know, I am a teacher. I love my job, and I mean it, I LOVE my job! I seriously cannot think of any better way to spend a day than with 23 students who are so awesome. I teach 5th grade and am doing this for the second year in a row. It is the first time I have taught the same grade two years in a row and it rocks. My kids are absolutely amazing. I am constantly learning from them. They are so honest. Therefore, it is a privilege to be accepted into their lives - humbling actually.

So, this year, I am faced with some things I never thought about encountering. I have some students that come from homes that I cannot fathom. When they step into my room, I can see the hurt in their eyes and can feel their desire for love. And, every day I ask God, "What is my role in this child's life?" Because, honestly, I know that I need to be more than a teacher. Maybe I need to be a listener. Maybe I need to be a disciplinarian. Maybe I need to be the person that shows these kids that someone does love them and care about them. Maybe my classroom is the only safe place that they have. Maybe school is the most positive environment that these kids will ever know.

I came home today with a heavy heart for my kids. Am I doing what God has planned for me each day? Am I showing these kids the love of Jesus? Am I teaching my kids to be compassionate and understanding of kids who don't come from a home that "has it all together"?

So, I pray. Lord Jesus, help me to love these kids while I have them. Open my eyes to what each student needs. Make it clear to me, the chances that you are giving me to impact the lives of each child. Lord, help me to provide a place where each person is valued as a human being. And Jesus, remind me constantly that these kids are a blessing (no matter how the day goes). Amen

football with a friend

2008-09-13T23:13:00.002-04:00

Today was a good day. I got up, ate some Cocoa Dinobites, worked out, took a nap, and hung out with a good friend.

Over the last few years AJ and I have become pretty great friends. We both love sports and that is so nice to have a friend to share that with. We spent the day together watching college football and it was great. The other thing I love about my friendship with AJ is that I can completely be myself. We share our lives with each other and always talk about how God is working in our lives. It is a great encouragement.

So, why am I posting this . . . God is so good. This girl, AJ, is someone I have known since highschool. She played bball for a rival team. And, I really didn't like her in highschool. But, isn't it just like God to take two changed people and place them in one another's lives at a totally different point down the road and connect them. It is awesome to have a friend that I can share my heart with or sit around and laugh with.

So, thank you God for an amazing friend and for opening my eyes to a changed person. You are wonderful!

Moving on

2008-09-06T22:07:00.002-04:00

So many changes have come my way recently. Some are big and some are small, but it is reminding me that God does not want me to get comfortable. I know I disappeared from the blog world this summer, but it was good. Actually I didn't spend much time online at all and it was nice - not to have this and myspace and email and facebook to worry about. But, more on that later. Like I said earlier, lots of changes.

1. I moved! My roomie sold her house, so I had to move. I know it was a huge blessing for the house to sell, but I am a little sad. Sad that I will be leaving the bond that Jenn and I had. The past 2.5 years as her roomie have been a true blessing. God totally knew that I needed to be there. Jenn was the best roomie I have had (and I have had some great roomies). I will miss knocking on her door every morning of the work week to say "bye, love you, have a good day". I will miss our unexpected roomie nights. I will miss hearing her laugh at the simple things. I will miss finding her asleep on the couch for an after-work nap. I will miss her jogs in the living room. Most of all, i will miss her company. I know we will see each other, but it won't be the same. The move has not completely registered with me. I am living with some friends of mine for a few months and then planning to buy a house in Syracuse.

2. No more middle school bball coaching! This is a shocker to most of the people who know me. I have coached for 5 years and have felt a call to move on for a time. For some reason my heart was not in it last season. I love bball, I love coaching, and I love the interaction I have with the girls. BUT, something was missing last season. I have always promised myself, in working with kids, that I will take a break when my heart isn't in something. I don't know if/when I will coach again, but I know that God has a plan.

3. School is back! This makes me so happy. I LOVE MY JOB! I am blessed to be in a profession that I love, that God has molded me for, and that I look forward to every day. This is the first year that I have taught the same grade as I did the previous year. It is strange, but it is a good strange. My new group of kids is fun and we are beginning to get settled in and develop a comfort with one another.

4. I have a computer again! I know this may seem odd, but I have missed (at times) not having a computer. The people I am living with had an extra laptop and they have wireless, so they hooked me up. Hopefully I will have my own computer in the next month or two. It is good be in touch with people again.

5. (this is probably the biggest one for me) 5 of my girls are in college! Many of you know that I led a girls' Bible study the past 5.5 years. Well, of my 7 girls, 5 left for college a few weeks ago. We had one last hurrah this summer and went to Chicago for the weekend (and saw Wicked). I have spent countless hours with these girls over the last 5 years and it has come to an end. God blessed my life so much through each one of these girls. What a blessing to be a part of each of their lives, watch them grow up, see them develop in their relationship with Jesus, and become young women.

6. A call to ministry! The Lord has placed a burden on my heart for jr/sr high girls ministry. What does this mean for me? I have no idea. But I have been praying that God will lead me, provide opportunities to minister, and help me to reach out to these girls. It is sure to be an exciting journey.

So, lots of moves happening in my life. It is so good. I'm grateful that I serve a God that allows me to be uncomfortable. It is my prayer that HE will lead me and direct my every step as I head into the next season of life.

Chaos

2008-05-15T14:32:00.004-04:00

Many of you know that I am a 5th grade teacher. Well, the end of any school year (we have 10 more days) brings SO MUCH CHAOS! I feel like I am going hour-by-hour and sometimes even minute-by-minute. Last night I got to bed at 1:00 AM! Today has been rough. My kids are getting super chatty, knowing that summer is just around the corner - I can't blame them. However, we still have things to get done.

This week has been exceptionally busy for me. Here's the rundown (mind you I have been at school by 6:45 AM at the latest each day):

Monday - school (begin lit. circles), McDonald's Teacher night, walk with mom

Tuesday - school (Middle School orientation, nails, staff retirement dinner (missed Bible study)

Wednesday - school (testing, DARE dog, DARE Graduation practice, DARE Graduation), visit friend who had a baby, HS small groups, stayed and visited way too late

Thursday - school (testing), work out, walk with mom, basketball practice, grade papers

Friday - school (Field Day, games, snake program), crash at home

Why am I running down my list you ask? Well, notice what is missing from every day but one....God time. I hate when I get so busy that I miss out on my God time. Or should I say, "I hate when I push my God time back to make room for other things." It has been evident to me too. I am grouchy and moody and emotional and tired. I am not ever being refreshed.

Chaos. It makes me crazy. I just want to stop and make myself make time for what my soul needs. I wonder when I will really do it?

blog frustrations

2008-04-13T16:13:00.002-04:00

If you read my tagged post, you can see that it didn't space between paragraphs. I have no clue why and I help searched it and everything. If anyone can help me out, I would appreciate it. It may help to know that I am pretty much computer illiterate and you will have to spell things out for me.

Thanks, Dina

I've Been Tagged...

2008-04-13T15:21:00.019-04:00

...by more than one person. I have been on Spring Break - away from school and computers and it was WONDERFUL. But, I will be headed back to school tomorrow and thought I should get this post done since about 5 people have tagged me. So, here goes (and you may not hold any of these facts against me)!

Weird Fact #1

I fold my underpants. So many people just wad them up and throw them in a drawer. Not me...I actually take the time to fold them all and place them neatly in a dresser drawer. Some of my old roomies thought it would be funny and actually took the time to mess up my drawer. I tried to live with it and that lasted about 36 hours - I couldn't take it any longer and folded them all back up.

Weird Fact #2

I don't mix my food. I generally eat one thing off my plate at a time. Sometimes I will mix things up, but I generally eat all of one thing on my plate before moving to the next.

Weird Fact #3

I shave once a week. I don't do this out of laziness, I just don't have to shave more than that. Now, in the summer, I will shave at least 2 and sometimes 3 times a week, but the hair on my legs just doesn't grow that much. It may not seem too weird, but it definately has caused some slight envy from my friends. Hahaha!

Weird Fact #4

I don't like scalding hot food. If I make something in the oven, frozen pizza for instance, I put it in the fridge or freezer to cool off before I will eat it. I also put ice cubes in soup to cool it off. I know it is strange, but I don't burn my mouth!

Weird Fact #5

My CD's are insanely organized. First I arrange them by genre (christian, Beatles, soundtracks, other, Christmas). Then, within eat genre I alphabetize them all. If I have more than one CD per artist, I arrange them by their release date. It is so strange, but at least I know right where to find them. (it makes my roomie a little nervous when her neice and nephew come over and knock them off the shelf. oh, the laughs. And don't worry, I don't throw a tantrum or anything like that.)

Weird Fact #6

I love shoes - not so weird. The weird thing is that when I buy new tennis shoes, I plan to wear my favorite jeans to be sure that the shoes look good with the jeans. I also must have squishy tennis shoes. I wear them A LOT so they have to be comfy. (mayday...I found some great insoles that I bought with my newest tennis shoes. They are amazing...it feels like I'm walking on a gymnastics mat all the time.)

Weird Fact #7

I can't sleep in silence. I grew up in the country and always had the sound of outside to put me to sleep. In the winter, I listened to music. Well, now I either have to turn the sleep timer on the TV to fall asleep or have music on. If it is silent, I can lay awake all night no matter how exhausted I may be. There have been times in my life when I didn't have TV or music to fall asleep, so I talk myself to sleep. I know, you are probably thinking, "this girl is whack" and I might very well be, but at least I get good sleep at night.

So, I totally won't tag anyone since they have all tagged me. I hope you enjoy my strangeness!

Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

getting there

2008-04-03T13:36:00.003-04:00

This post is nothing profound. I've been tagged. I just haven't had time to post - school is crazy busy. Only 1 day and 2 hours til Spring Break! I promise my tagged post is coming soon!

Smooches to all....Dina

Pain

2008-03-09T12:46:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it hurts: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Pain from exercising.
Pain from losing a loved one.
Pain from wondering.
Pain from caring.
Pain from realizing that things don't always go as planned.

But, then comes that really crappy, unexplainable pain. And I wonder how long will it last? And I ask Jesus if/when he will heal me. And I wish there was an explanation for wanting to break down every time I blink.

But . . . I have no reason.

It just hurts.

Waiting

2008-03-03T06:23:00.005-05:00

My phone's banner says "Wait on Jesus". Why do I need this constant reminder? I guess its because I am a gung-ho kind of person. When I want something, I go after it and I don't always wait for God's timing. Inevitably things don't work out so well.

So, I put a reminder on my phone, "Wait on Jesus," because I see that reminder at least 15 times a day (I've seen it 3 times already today). I know there are things happening in my life right now that could fall apart if I don't do just that . . . Wait on Jesus. There are opportunities, doors that are cracked open, and I want to push through them but I can't. I need to Wait on Jesus.

Knowing in my heart that I need to wait on him, I looked to my Bible for some encouragement. Here is what I found:

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 130:5 "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope."

Isaiah 30:18 "For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait on him."

Acts 1:4 [Jesus commands] "Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised."

1Thessalonians 1:10 "...and wait for his Son from heaven - Jesus who rescues us from the coming wrath."

Romans 8:19 "The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed."

You know what I've learned? It is good to wait! It is hard to wait. Psalm 130:5 says while we wait we need to put our hope in HIS word. Seek God out . . . maybe that's why he wants you and me to wait. Romans 8:19 says we wait eagerly. If I am constantly jumping into things, the excitement can't build. I don't give God time to prepare me for what lies ahead. You can't jump into a battle or a game without preparing for it! When we get pumped up and train, we are SO much more driven.

I guess waiting on Jesus is hard, but it is SO worth it. Where is God saying in your life, Wait on Jesus?

Throw it out the Door

2007-12-18T14:48:00.000-05:00

I have learned a valuable lesson these past 3 weeks. Sometimes, you have to throw your plans out the door.

Let me explain...

I am a 5th grade teacher in northern Indiana. Many of you know that we have been puked on my Old Man Winter at random times recently. Being that I also coach basketball and the season has begun, I planned ahead. Over Thanksgiving Break, I planned out some things to get up to Christmas Break (to have goals and to keep my life a little less crazy during bball). I made sure to plan in 2 "weather days" just in case. Well, we have had 4 days cancelled and at least 2 or 3 delays. Needless to say, all the planning has kind of gone down the tubes. I spent a full day at school today - with no students- working on things. I was going to figure out my lesson plans for the remaining 3 days, but have decided to just keep the plan book blank. Oh, I have a few notes of things that MUST get done but I am not going to stress over it anymore. We will just go with the flow.

Now for the lesson I've learned. I'm sure I am not the only one guilty of this either. I tend to plan my life: the typical "5 or 10-year-plan" and it always gets messed up. I am so focused on where I want me to be and I lose sight of the plans that God has for me. He even tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Sometimes we have to just throw our plans out the door. Sometimes we have to just live in the moment that God has blessed us with. Sometimes we tend to focus so much on making plans that we miss the opportunities God has right in front of us.

Do you need to throw it out the door? Does God have something amazing right in front of you that is going unnoticed because of your agenda?

Finding Peace

2007-10-16T07:38:00.000-04:00

So, I realize that I haven't finished the second part of my summer (and my roomie is waiting for my next post). Let me preface this by saying that God is so good and he knows exactly what we need and exactly when we need it.

My summer ended with me ready to move on in my church life. I adored the church that I was attending, but it wasn't meeting my needs as a 27-year-old single person. I have known for the last year that I needed to find a group of young adults to get involved with, but I kept putting it off for various reasons. One major reason was guilt, not conviction, guilt. I realized that this guilt was satan's way of fighting against what God was trying to teach me and where God was trying to lead me. No one at my previous church did anything to make me "feel" guilty, it was just satan warping my mind.

The first big step I took this summer was stepping down as a youth leader at my previous church. I love youth ministry, I love my kids, but I was spreading myself too thin and loosing sight of Jesus. It was a tough decision....probably one of the hardest decisions I've had to make for a while. It wasn't too bad though. I had two of my mentors, Tim and Kim, in prayer for me and I knew that they were praying for God's will to be done.

The second big step that I took was to church shop. I like this term for several reasons. I looked at it like grocery shopping: when you grocery shop you go to the store looking for what you need. That is what I did. I looked for a church that had a young adult group, a youth ministry that I may get involved with, a consistent pastor, music (God speaks to me this way), and a vision to grow God's church and not just their congregation.

I visited a few new churches and revisited some churches I had been to before. It didn't take long. I am now attending the NWUMC and I love it! I look forward to going to church, worshipping, meeting new faces, and being part of something. There are opportunities to get involved, but I am waiting on God's lead. I have had several confirmations that this is where I belong...for now...and I feel totally at peace.

Yes, leaving the familiarity of Red Zone was tough. Yes, there were times when I really doubted that decisions. Yes, it was hard to look at people and know that they may be hurt or confused about my decision. BUT God kept me at peace. I had to focus on HIM to get me through. I had to constantly seek HIM out and follow his lead. And, you know what? It worked.

Isaiah 26:3 You [God] will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you [God].

This verse became real to me this summer. It is still very real to me. I cannot imagine what would be happening in my life if I din't focus on the Lord. WHere would I be? Would I get to experience the perfect peace that Isaiah talks about? I don't know. What I do know is that I am experiencing peace and I don't want to be anyhwere else.

Why.............?

2007-09-06T15:51:00.000-04:00

I had a rough summer. I dealt with a lot of personal struggles, mostly emotional and spiritual. There were days when I struggled to get out of bed or just do something. It wasn't anything MAJOR, but I learned SO much. I am probably going to take two posts to get it all out.

This first post comes from my journal on July 28. It is never easy for me to share myself like this, but I want to share what the Lord taught me through my summer. In order to do that, you need to know where it all began....

7-28-07
Why? I'm so tired of this life! I'm tired of not liking myself. I'm tired of allowing satan to get me where it hurts. I'm tired of not knowing what I want to do or why God has placed burning desires in my heart and then felling like I'm on my own to sort out EVERYTHING. I want to focus everything on serving Him, but I feel torn in so many directions and I don't know where to go first.

So.......I do nothing. And I HATE it and I'm ashamed to call myself a Christian. What about my life says, "That girl is in love with something amazing!" or "She has got it" - and wonder what IT is? Why? Why? Why? I just want to run and get AWAY from everything and everyone and be me with no single thing to distract me except a burning desire and passion for my LORD and SAVIOR. I want to be overwhelmed by Christ and the love He has for me. I want to be out of control about God - can't contain it! How do I get there? What does that look like for my life? Is it ever going to fully happen on this earth, in this life? I so want to hope that it will, but is seems like a lost hope - worthless. Do I really believe that the God I have grown to love, that I claim to serve......do I believe that He is the I AM? Sometimes I seriously don't know what I'm doing, what I'm believing. Ahhh!

I don't doubt that I am not the only person in the world to feel this way. Know that you are not alone if you have felt this way. I guess that's why I posted this - to remind myself and anyone who reads this that we don't have to go through life alone. Christ is there.....ALWAYS.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." -Psalm 23:4

hi

2007-09-05T15:12:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. I want to catch you all up on my summer, but it will take 2 posts. I am hoping to put one up tomorrow and one on Friday. (Please don't hold me to that.) I will do my best to be a better blogger too. I am trying to get the hang of the 5th grade routine down - lots of papers to grade! We'll get there and I will post more. Thanks to all who keep checking on me......something new will be here soon!

Overwhelmed

2007-06-26T00:10:00.000-04:00

I wrote this on Sunday, June 24, 2007

Overwhelmed: to affect deeply in mind or emotion

Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed by something? Someone? A moment? . . . . . . . . I have. The last 3 days have been overwhelming.

First off, I spent my weekend at the Pro Life Music Festival in Warsaw (www.plmf.org) whish was overwhelming. I am blessed to volunteer at this and witness thousands of people gathered together for one common purpose - to support LIFE! I heard amazing testimonies of women who had abortions and all of the emotions that came with those abortions. I heard testimonies from women who found help at crisis pregnancy centers. I heard testimonies from some amazing musicians who just poured their lives and music into the worship of our Lord and Savior. I spent time with band members and volunteers - all working for one common purpose. I mingled with friends (including my dear friend Jimmy B) and fellow believers. It was overwhelming.

Second was hosting a band from another concert. Some very dear friends of mine played a show with a band from Pittsburg, PA. They needed a place to stay and I opened my home. At first, I wasn’t too thrilled because I was exhausted and wanted to sleep. But, Jesus kicked me in the pants and reminded me that I am a servant. He demands us to put others before ourselves. Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” If that isn’t a demand, then I don’t know what is. I met the band and they were awesome! They were so grateful to have beds to sleep in and a shower to use. I got home Saturday night at midnight to a tear-rendering thank you note from this group. I was overwhelmed.

Third was church this morning. Have you ever experienced God in such a way that you can’t explain the moment with words? Worship was beyond me today. The music was totally driven by the Holy Spirit! We had a guest speaker, Dr. Jackson, who spoke about the lies of evolution. My favorite part of Dr. Jackson’s speaking is the God-centeredness of it. The man has the presence of Jesus pouring out of him. The music time that followed was unspeakable. What I mean is that I was overwhelmed. We sang “I am Nothing” (Jeremy Camp) and “Amazing Love” (Newsboys). I was blessed to be in the worship band this week. Personally, leading the second of the 2 songs was totally the work of God. My very being wanted to collapse in the splendor of my unfathomable creator God. I kept praying, “Lord, keep the words coming. Here my praise to you.” I was actually trembling and I don’t doubt for one instance that it was the very presence of God filling my spirit.

Lastly, tonight…….I am in Grand Rapids, MI at a concert. Our Hero’s End (www.myspace.com/ourherosend) played along with 2 local bands, NEVERTHELESS, and Disciple. The bands have all shared why they are doing this - to glorify God. The lead singer from Disciple just spoke shortly and began with this question, “Have you ever trembled out of pure respect for God?” How crazy that my day began with trembling in the very presence of God!!!??!!! It is overwhelming.

These are all big moments. There was definitely high energy, crowds of believers, and an overwhelming presence of God himself. But, God is also in the small moments. Scriptures talks about hearing God in the quiet stillness, in the wind (1 Kings 19:12). I have had those moments this weekend too. Amidst all the hype of concerts and church and speakers, where God definitely was, He was in some very quiet moments. Looking out my kitchen window this morning, I noticed the wildlife right in my back yard. My house was still, the sun had just come out, and I felt God’s presence saying, “Good morning, Dina.” It was the most overwhelming part of my weekend.

Why did I tell you this . . . . I just felt like I should. I serve a God who is so amazing that you can’t contain him. HE IS OVERWHELMING!!! Have you been overwhelmed by God? I would love to hear about it.

Being Silly

2007-06-07T09:59:00.000-04:00

Those of you that know me know that I love to live life. I have been accused of being silly (I don't know why!). I have been thinking about this lately and I have come to realize how incredibly true it is. I love being silly. I love laughing and having fun in all that I do. Of course there are times in my life that aren't silly. However, more often than not, I am being silly.

I have realized that some of my readers may not know this about me. My life allows me to be silly and be a kid. In the words of my dear friend Kim, "I don't plan on ever growing up!" I taught 4th grade this year (moving up to 5th next year). My kids informed me, countless times, that I am crazy or that I make them laugh. I work with Jr/Sr High youth kids and I have been known to do some crazy/silly things with them (those stories don't all need to be shared). I love to make people laugh - it usually makes me laugh. Oh, and I recently joined "The Dixie Clucks" - a fun little skit that I do with some other teachers at school functions.

The best part of being silly is that I keep myself young. I am sure there are people in my life who think that I am immature or stupid, but I don't care. I am professional and serious when I need to be. But, God created me in his image and I like to think that HE did a great job. It has taken me time to get to this point in my life, but that is who MY CREATOR wanted me to be.

So, don't grow up too fast. Stay young at heart, it makes life much more exciting and enjoyable. I leave you with this scripture: 1 Timothy 4:12 "Do not anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an examply for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

My boys

2007-04-20T19:07:00.000-04:00

I have "my boys" and they are amazing boys. It is by the grace of God that my life has been meshed with each one of them. They are between the ages of 17-20. The relationship that I have with each of them makes me laugh because only God would have put them in my life.

I have known Mikey and Matt for a very long time (10 years at least). Tyrus I have known for about 4 years. Austin I have known for a year. This summer our youth group decided to start small groups. Being that there was only 1 male youth sponsor and about 10 guys, I volunteered to take a group of boys. These are the 4 that I ended up with and I couldn't be more privileged to have them in my lives. I look forward to youth group, hanging out with Tyrus and Austin. Mikey and Matt have graduated, but they still call or write or stop by and I love it. It makes me laugh that I am a 26 year old girl and that God placed these 4 boys in my life as accountability peeps.

What a sense of humor God has and how unexpected.

The best thing about these boys is that they are so real with me. They make me be real too and I love it. They call at random times, include me in their lives, and just love me for being Dina. They are a great example of the unconditional love that Christ so graciously poors over each one of us. I look forward to the text messages that I get from them. I love when they leave me comments on myspace.

It hit me hard last Sunday just how blessed I am to have each of them in my life. Our sermon at church was one that hit my heart and Jesus broke me. It was AMAZING! I cried and prayed and praised. The best part was the hugs that I recieved from Mikey and Matt after church. Then, at youth group, Austin blasted me with an amazing hug. Monday night, I got to spend time with Tyrus and it was great! God knows how to reach into my life and he uses my boys rather often.

God has really shown me the ministry that lies with these 4 boys - it reminds me of Jesus. Now, I am in no way calling myself Jesus, but how unlikely were his boys? They were not people that you would expect to be church planters, they were not the most scholarly. But, God had a purpose for them. A purpose that is beyond this world. I take that to heart with my boys. I wonder why God placed them in my life, and He has his ways to remind me.

I ask anyone who reads this: has God placed people in your life and you wonder why? I have no doubt that the relationships God gives us are for HIS kingdom. Are you using those relationships for the kingdom?

God has a way...

2007-03-31T15:54:00.000-04:00

Have you ever noticed that God has a way of reminding us that we are totally resting in his hands? I had one of these moments Thursday night. I have been slightly stressed lately - I dislocated my finger a month ago and I am undergoing major dental work. This means lots of money coming out and missing work (which takes money away). So, it has been slightly stressful. I was in serious need of some love and God had that planned.

My dear friend Tim offered to cook dinner for me and some of my college friends. These girls are just about the greatest women I have ever encountered in my 26 years of life. It is totally God that brought us all together in college and He has kept us close for the past 8 years! We all try to get together when we can, but schedules and babies, and families don't always allow for that. However, we found some time to get together and it was wonderful.

As I returned home, I couldn't thank God enough for these amazing friends that he has so graciously blessed me with. We laughed, ate, and relaxed together. It was wonderful to see each of them and my 2 cutiehead neices. Sometimes it is hard to not see each other as often as we did in college. But, it makes the times that we do have together so special.

I have some scripture to share that usually comes to mind when I am with these girls.
Romans 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Colossians 3:17 And wahtever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I am reminding each of us, myself included, to remember that God has a way of reminding us, nudging us. We are not alone in this world. There is one relationship that should be placed first and that is our relationship with Jesus Christ. Is God trying to remind you of this? Are you missing out on the reminders?

Picture taken by Tim Stiffler www.timstifflerthephotographer.com

To see the food we ate, click on Jess' link (to the side)

Frustration

2007-02-14T16:55:00.000-05:00

I have been frustrated lately. It has taken me a while to write about this too because I don't want to be venting, but I really want to share some lessons I have learned.

I coach 8th girls' basketball. I love the sport. I love the girls. I love teaching this fabulous sport. My team this year is very talented, but I don't think they fully understand just how talented they are.

They haven't played to their full potential this season. Our record is 6-6 (it should be 10-2 or 11-1). The losses have been huge and the wins have been close (all but 2). I stand on the sidelines of each game wondering if the girls are going to play like they can or if they are going to let another game be lost. The worst part of the whole thing is that it is out of my control.

I do my best to teach them the game, to trouble-shoot during games, and strengthen their skills at practice and in games. I aim to teach them to respect the game of basketball, their teammates, coaches, and opponents. No matter how much I show them, encourage them, or help them, I can't determine what they will do when they step on the court to play a game.

It wasn't until about 2 weeks ago that I went to God for help, in tears and desperate. I pleaded with him to make them play, to get their heads out of their rears, and to do what I know they are capable of. Guess what God said? Nothing . . . . . . . until Monday.

Monday I was at the dentist (a whole other story). I was there quite a while and had plenty of time to myself. So, I tried to be still and relax and converse with God. I got my answer. That answer comes from the book of Mark. A dear friend of mine had sent this to me a few years ago when I was going through a similar situation.

17A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."
19"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me." -Mark 9:17-19

Jesus got so frustrated with his disciples. They had seen miracle after miracle and still didn't have the faith to do the work that God had prepared them for. Here were 12 guys that had been closer to Jesus than anyone. They had shared in very intimate parts of Jesus' life, seen miracles, witnessed supernatural occurences and still lacked.

Then I thought, how many times has God been frustrated with me? How many times have I not doen what I am capable of with God as my coach? The answer.......too many. I am sure that God has been frustrated with me when I am not honest about my relationship with him, when I don't stand up for him, when I pass up an opportunity to share my faith with an unbeliever. God can't play the game for me anymore than I can play for my girls.

So, what have I done. Well, I am trying to be more positive. I am trying to trust my girls. I am going at each day of bball with a fresh attitude that I am doing my best as a coach.

I want to encourage you if you are frustrated to stop, pray, and want to understand why you are frustrated. Is it because God doesn't care or because you don't care?

Beauty

2007-02-14T16:23:00.000-05:00

Have you ever sat back and been in awe of God? I mean, really been in awe?

This happened to me today. We have been completely blasted with snow over the past 2 days. Unofficial reports say that Syracuse got 8.5-10 inches of snow! That is a lot of snow! I looked out my bathroom window this morning and I couldn't even see the driveway. It was unreal. School had gotten cancelled, so I went back to bed.

Backing up . . . yesterday I was home all day as was my roomie. Once we both found out we didn't have to work today she looked at me and said, "Guess what we should do tomorrow since we don't have to work?" I replied, "Uh, shovel the driveway." Jenn said, "Oh, that too. But I was thinking that we should play in the snow."

So, that is just what we did today! It was wonderful and not really too cold. The wonderful Amos (Jenn's bro-in-law) snowblowed our driveway. Jenn and I shoveled the sidewalk and porch. Then the fun began. We made snow angels, threw snow balls, and Jenn attempted to snowboard in the yard (with no success). She got stuck. I hauled her and board over my shoulder and carried them up the driveway. She boarded down the driveway (twice) and I hauled her up. Then we went for a walk down our street.

The snow was AMAZING! I found myself wondering once again if that snow was dropped just to remind me of the BIG God that I serve. I thought of Chris Tomlin's song, Indescribable. The lyrics say, "Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go? Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?" That is one big God!

I have been down in the dumps alot lately - in my spiritual walk. I feel disconected, uncertain, and lonely. Reading my Bible has not been a high priority, just enough to keep up with the reading that I am doing for Bible study. I haven't felt or seen God's beauty in much of anything.

Thank you Jesus for the snow. Thank you for snowing me in with a great roomie. Thanks for the break to be a lazy bum at home yesterday and enjoy the beautiful roomie that you have blessed me with. Thank you for the snow. Thank you for the moments today to see how BIG you really are. Thank you more than anything for always making yourself known in my life. You are truly a beautiful God.

Here are some snow pictures:1. Jenn snowboarding. 2. the beginning of a snow angel. 3. snow angel. 4. snow friends