The King is Enthralled....

"The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." (bold is mine)

enthralled - to hold spellbound; captivate

That has been a pretty powerful verse for the past 2 years. If you have kept up with my blog recently, you know that I just finished reading Captivating. I first read it a little over 2 years ago. Life was great, but this verse struck me. It is a beautiful verse. It tells exactly how God feels about women.

But, what does this verse mean to me.....As you can see, it meant enough that I got it permanently place on my foot (and boy did it hurt!). This verse is a reminder for me. A reminder that God is enthralled with my beauty and, therefore, I need to honor him for that. But what does that mean, "honor him"? In my recent journey, it means letting God love me. It means loving myself because the creator of all that was, is, and is to come found it esential that I be made. In HIS image. For HIS purpose.

I have been reflecting so much lately on how my life honors God.

Sometimes, it doesn't. I can be 100%, completely honest to say that too. I have spent nights filling my body with poison. I have engaged in activities that bring NO glory to God. I have said things that have caused pain to God's children. I have committed sin that has caused others to sin.

But then, there are times when I feel that I am doing all and giving all to serving the Lord. And I can honestly say that those have been some of the hardest and most joyous times of my life.

What is the difference? My attitude. When I really sit back and consider God - well, I am baffled. Overjoyed at the true mystery of this amazing, loving, right, just, compassionate, graceful, merciful God that I can call on any time. And then I remember what Psalm 45:11 says, "The King is enthralled by your beauty..." That is awesome. No matter what I go through, the stumbles, the falls, the highs, the lows, the KING of Kings is enthralled by my beauty. He looks at me and calls me his daughter.

WOW...........

Let God Love

This title was SUPER easy to come up with, but has been my struggle for a long time. Let God love. Let Him love what you ask......me. It's that simple. And it seems strange that this is a struggle. I am a very loving person, and I know that is something people would say about me. And, for anyone that knows God, love comes straight from him. 1 John 4:16 says, "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God." So how is it that I am able to be a loving person and at the same time be a person that struggles to let God (who is love) love me?

I just finished reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. Here are my final comments:

I am blown away. I am most blown away with how much, how often God pours his unfailing love on me. My eyes were opened to why I long for love, relationships, comfort from people. that is who God created me, Dina Coverstone, to be. But, before it can happen with people, it MUST happen with God. He needs to be my main man, the one I run to in all circumstances.

So, I have been reflecting on my life since October when I really seemed to hit rock-bottom. I have been noting how God showed this unconditional, unfailing love to me and I want to share some things with you.

1. He loved on my through people. I have 3 friends who were in contact with me daily! It was inevitable that one of them would call or text me every day just to remind me of who I am, who
God created me to be, and that I was loved.

2. I live with 2 amazing friends right now that I can freely talk about my struggles and hopes and
dreams with. I do not doubt that God placed me here for this season as His hedge of protection
and encouragement.

3. I was able to go to Colorado over Thanksgiving to spend some time with my best friend and her
husband (hadn't seen then since June). Karissa and I were able to spend lots of time together
talking, laughing, and sharing some struggles with one another. And the best thing about it
all...she (nor Luke) did not condemn, frown, or bat an eye at what I shared with her. Instead, I was
encouraged and love in the midst of what I was going through. No better example of the love that
Jesus pours over us.

4. I saw the Rocky Mountains. How does God show His love through mountains. Well, if you have
seen them you know what I mean. If you haven't, you need to. As I was flying from Denver to
Dallas, I was completely captivated by these mountains. I could not stop staring out the window of
the plane. They were majestic. There was a slight covering of snow. They stretched as far as my
eyes could see. God did not have to make them, but he chose to reveal himself that way. He
loves us enough to make the earth a place of beauty.

5. I have spent so much time with my family. Despite the fact that most of them don't want anything
to do with God, they are very loving. I have never spent time with them and not felt loved for just
being Dina. Funny to me how that works, yet God knew I needed loved on.

6. Christmas Break. I have been able to spend time with some fabulous friends that I don't get to
see very often. It was so good to just love and be loved on by people.

There are many other ways that God has loved on me, but these are some major things that couldn't be ignored. I have been learning so much about God's love. Some days it is a no-brainer and other days it is a struggle. The God of all creation (did you catch that) loves me. He loves me in a way that no one, no thing can ever love me. Now, if I would just let Him.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son..." -John 3:16

I've Been Tagged

50 questions to answer and then tag your blogger friends. Tag as many or as few as you want, whatever works for you. AND...try to put some added info into your answers, no "one worders" please :) We're trying to learn about each other here PEOPLE!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yes. I'm proud to say I got the family name. When my older brother was born, mom and dad flipped a coin to see who got to name him. Mom won and Ryan didn't get a family name. So, when I came along, dad got to name me. Dina D. - named after my dad, Dino and my grandpa Dean.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Today....I went hiking in the Rocky Mtns. with Karissa and we just had a great conversation. I got pretty teary-eyed talking about some things.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? I love my handwriting, cursive and print. I don't know why, I just do. :)

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Virginia Baked Ham....I especially love it in an omlet.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? None that officially belong to me, but I teach 23 amazing students! And I call them "my kids".

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Pretty sure I would, I make myself smile alot and my friends too. And, I love to be around people that make me smile.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Never! Hahahaha, I am totally sarcastic. I get it from my daddy.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? sure do unless they were mysteriously taken without me knowing about it.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Never in a million years. Too terrified of heights for one. And why would you jump off a perfectly stable structure just to get flung through the air. And I'm concerned as to how one gets unhooked from the bungee cord.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cocoa Dino-bites. It is Walmart bag cereal. (I'm trying not to eat as much....it's not very healthy).

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope, but I untie them to put them back on.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Most of the time. I've been working out and my muscles are getting rather beastly. I like the definition of them.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Mint Chocolate Chip. But during the Christmas season, I will choose peppermint. Yummy!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? their smile and eyes.

15. RED OR PINK? i think i prefer pink (no comments from Darcy). Although, I like a good true red every now and then.

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? struggling to like myself on a daily basis.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My grandma (aka Gram). She died when I was 8 or 9 and was the most loving person ever. And she always made time for us. And, she laughed ALL THE TIME...so much that she would inevitably pee her pants.

18. WHAT IS THE WORST QUESTION PPL ASK YOU ALL THE TIME? Are you seeing anyone?

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? i'm wearing luke's brown sandals right now (he's my BF's hubby and he let me borrow them to walk down to dinner)

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Fresh pineapple, grapes, and figs - it was desert after dinner.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? people talking, tv in background, Karissa making cookies!

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Green. it is my favorite color. it is so fresh and clean. and reminds me of spring

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? freshly mowed grass, leaves burning, campfires

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Tim. I had to remind him to pick me up at the airport tomorrow.

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE? tough choice. due to being in CO, I would have to say mountain hideaway. it is so majestic and peaceful here.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Basketball, primarily women's college bball. Actually, any bball will do. i just love to watch bball.

27. HAIR COLOR? dark brown. right now there are some blonde and red-tinted streaks

28. EYE COLOR? brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes and I can wear them for 30 days/nights straight! I love them.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? cheese pizza from Pizza Hut or chicken

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? happy endings. I really don't like scary movies because I will, inevitably, have nightmares.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Kid. And I laughed just as hard as always.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Black Huntington University T with a pink long sleeve underneath

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer because I love to be barefoot

35. HUGS OR KISSES? HUGS all the way!!!! Nothing that makes me happier than a good solid hug

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? anything chocolate. I really like warm brownies or warm choc chip cookies (which I will be eating in about 15 minutes)

37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO? I do strength training, but like some good cardio....make the lungs burn!

38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION? I prefer neither, but since i have to choose, I would go with computer. it's how i keep in touch with my peeps.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. It is so good and much needed at this point in my life.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have one here. At school it is an advertisement for Splash Universe waterpark

42. FAVORITE SOUND? a perfect "swoosh" in a bball net

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles all the way. They are my favorite band of all time (Jeni...I can't believe you don't know these bands! You best be putting some on your Itunes)

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Australia (from Sydney to Cairns) I went there the summer before my Sr. year of highschool.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Hugging. I know it doesn't sound like much, but people refer to my hugs as "Dina-hugs" and that has it's very own meaning.

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Goshen Hospital, Goshen, IN

47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW? Syracuse, IN with some great friends.

48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE? White with green shutters

49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR? light khaki (that's what the sales slip said)

50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS? It was kinda fun. It took a while too. Makes me think and I love sharing things like this with people.

I would like to tag...
Jenn, Jess, Hannah

In the Midst of Crap

The title came so easily because that is where I am. But the words aren't coming out (my appologies if this is a little scattered as I get things out).

If you are reading this and wondering what the stink is wrong with Dina, please read the previous post - it gives a little background. Yes I am doing so much better and am slowly coming out of a self-deficating pit, but it is not easy. I feel like I climb and can almost see out of the pit and then I slip and fall back down. It is amazing how God is right there though. I'm speechless most of the time to think about just how God is 24/7 involved in my daily life.

Still, I find myself in the midst of crap. But, I am encouraged. I just had Fall Break from school - total blessing. I spent 4 days driving around the great state of Indiana and visiting so many people.

Wednesday night I got my hair cut and colored by my dear friend Erin. So good to spend time with her and share my struggles and joys. She is such an encouragement and just pours out the love on me. I needed that. Afterwards I hung out with AJ at B-dub's. It was encouraging to know that I am not alone in my struggles and questions and frustrations.

I had lunch with my old roomie. First we hugged and cried just because we miss each other so much. We spent 2 hours catching up and sharing all that God is doing in our lives. Both of us are dealing with BIG things, but it was so encouraging to know that God is right there in the center of it all...growing us, shaping us, molding us for HIS divine purpose.

Next I traveled to Huntington University and Taylor University to visit 2 of my girls. Nothing could have made my break better (but it got better). I got to hug them and see their lives and meet their friends and just be loved on. I shared what's been going on with me and they just loved and encouraged. ....So good!

Friday I had lunch with another friend, Jamie. We just spent time laughing and hangin out. I love her so much.

Then I headed for Indy to see Jenna. She and I just met this summer at camp and hit it off. We met up with another friend from camp, went out to eat, saw a movie and just hung out. Saturday she studied for school and I did school work. Then we ate pizza, watched a movie, and just enjoyed the company of each other.

So, you are probably wondering about my title as of this minute. This all seems well and good and it was! Please don't read this and think that my weekend was such crap. It was so good. But, Saturday night I fell back into an old habbit. At the time it was fun and I can look back and say that I had a good time, but I know that God was not glorified. I know that I wasn't being Jesus to so many people that don't know him. And I slipped back into the pit.

So, I'm in the midst of crap. Personally - I'm dealing with losing weight. I have been working out with a personal trainer, eating better, and running (which I absolutely despise) only to get on the scale and see a 6lb gain tonight. Nothing breaks me more than that. It hurts deep down in places that I didn't think could hurt. And now I face the challenge of the morning...get up, get ready, and look myself in the face and tell myself that I am beautiful. Some guy is out there who will think that of me. And then I put on my happy face and go into my day. Spiritually - I'm wrestling so much with God right now. My days are filled with highs and lows. I struggle to believe the promises that I know to be true. I wonder if God really is hearing my cries for help, saving, love. Emotionally - I am drained at the end of each day. I pour myself into teaching, and it has been good. I work out with such anger and feel some release doing that. I feel like I constantly have a well of tears ready to spill over.

In the midst of crap. . . I'm encouraged to know that this is a season. And I'm encouraged to know that these trials, crap, will strengthen me. And I know that God must have a huge plan in store and that satan is attacking in new ways. All this I know, but it doesn't make the crap easier, just more real.

1 Peter 5:8-9 "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings."

Me

October 21, 2008

I'm so blah....I don't even know what I am. I'm angry, bitter, alone, selfish, hungry, needing, fat, ugly. Did I mention alone?! I hate getting to this point. More than that, I hate how I can't focus on God. I am so focued on me right now that all I see is me. And my image of myself freakin sucks! So I'm beginning to realize that because all I see is me, and "me" is not very pleasing right now, I am struggling to find any hope at all.

Bible study was the most uncomfortable place I have ever been tonight. But, so much of it resonates in me. I know that is God digging in so why do I keep pushing back? Why can't I just surrender, back down? For the love of Pete, why can't I just let God do His thing? Ahhhh......

Well, it all goes back to me. Like a hall of mirrors where you get lost and the only thing you can see is your own, distorted self . Yuck!

I want to change me but I have to look at why. Do I want to change because me isn't glorifying God? Or because I want to be surrounded by a better me?

Seriously looking at me tonight (couldn't be avoided), I realized a huge fear...that I will never be desireable to anyone. That really sucks to realize such a fear as that. But it is me and it is very real to me.

Such a crappy pit to be in. Especially when I can't seem to find a way out.



Today, October 26, 2008

This was me just 5 days ago (actually I was still feeling this way as of Friday night when I went to bed). I know I am not the only person to be in a pit. But, here is the really cool part. God did not leave me there. He was there all along waiting for the right moment to grab me. And He did just that. As I closed my eyes to go to sleep Friday, I was overwhelmed with clear vision. My eyes were opened to the pit that I had allowed myself to get into. He let me see where I had taken my life and it was not good. Then, in all of HIS redemptive glory, he scooped me up, cradled me in HIS arms, and loved me right where I was.

I am overjoyed to say that I love GOD! That's right, you heard me, I LOVE GOD! I have never known another being to love me right in the midst of a pit of crap that I have jumped into. I have never experienced mercy and grace to the extent I have this weekend. I have never seen so clearly as I do right now. And I have never, without a doubt, believed that God has/does/will always have my best in HIS plans. What an awesome God!

So, praise be to Jesus Christ for his sacrifice. May HE get all the glory for this amazing weekend, my life renewal, and the overwhelming love that is pouring out of me.

kids

As many of you know, I am a teacher. I love my job, and I mean it, I LOVE my job! I seriously cannot think of any better way to spend a day than with 23 students who are so awesome. I teach 5th grade and am doing this for the second year in a row. It is the first time I have taught the same grade two years in a row and it rocks. My kids are absolutely amazing. I am constantly learning from them. They are so honest. Therefore, it is a privilege to be accepted into their lives - humbling actually.

So, this year, I am faced with some things I never thought about encountering. I have some students that come from homes that I cannot fathom. When they step into my room, I can see the hurt in their eyes and can feel their desire for love. And, every day I ask God, "What is my role in this child's life?" Because, honestly, I know that I need to be more than a teacher. Maybe I need to be a listener. Maybe I need to be a disciplinarian. Maybe I need to be the person that shows these kids that someone does love them and care about them. Maybe my classroom is the only safe place that they have. Maybe school is the most positive environment that these kids will ever know.

I came home today with a heavy heart for my kids. Am I doing what God has planned for me each day? Am I showing these kids the love of Jesus? Am I teaching my kids to be compassionate and understanding of kids who don't come from a home that "has it all together"?

So, I pray. Lord Jesus, help me to love these kids while I have them. Open my eyes to what each student needs. Make it clear to me, the chances that you are giving me to impact the lives of each child. Lord, help me to provide a place where each person is valued as a human being. And Jesus, remind me constantly that these kids are a blessing (no matter how the day goes). Amen

football with a friend

Today was a good day. I got up, ate some Cocoa Dinobites, worked out, took a nap, and hung out with a good friend.

Over the last few years AJ and I have become pretty great friends. We both love sports and that is so nice to have a friend to share that with. We spent the day together watching college football and it was great. The other thing I love about my friendship with AJ is that I can completely be myself. We share our lives with each other and always talk about how God is working in our lives. It is a great encouragement.

So, why am I posting this . . . God is so good. This girl, AJ, is someone I have known since highschool. She played bball for a rival team. And, I really didn't like her in highschool. But, isn't it just like God to take two changed people and place them in one another's lives at a totally different point down the road and connect them. It is awesome to have a friend that I can share my heart with or sit around and laugh with.

So, thank you God for an amazing friend and for opening my eyes to a changed person. You are wonderful!

Moving on

So many changes have come my way recently. Some are big and some are small, but it is reminding me that God does not want me to get comfortable. I know I disappeared from the blog world this summer, but it was good. Actually I didn't spend much time online at all and it was nice - not to have this and myspace and email and facebook to worry about. But, more on that later. Like I said earlier, lots of changes.

1. I moved! My roomie sold her house, so I had to move. I know it was a huge blessing for the house to sell, but I am a little sad. Sad that I will be leaving the bond that Jenn and I had. The past 2.5 years as her roomie have been a true blessing. God totally knew that I needed to be there. Jenn was the best roomie I have had (and I have had some great roomies). I will miss knocking on her door every morning of the work week to say "bye, love you, have a good day". I will miss our unexpected roomie nights. I will miss hearing her laugh at the simple things. I will miss finding her asleep on the couch for an after-work nap. I will miss her jogs in the living room. Most of all, i will miss her company. I know we will see each other, but it won't be the same. The move has not completely registered with me. I am living with some friends of mine for a few months and then planning to buy a house in Syracuse.

2. No more middle school bball coaching! This is a shocker to most of the people who know me. I have coached for 5 years and have felt a call to move on for a time. For some reason my heart was not in it last season. I love bball, I love coaching, and I love the interaction I have with the girls. BUT, something was missing last season. I have always promised myself, in working with kids, that I will take a break when my heart isn't in something. I don't know if/when I will coach again, but I know that God has a plan.

3. School is back! This makes me so happy. I LOVE MY JOB! I am blessed to be in a profession that I love, that God has molded me for, and that I look forward to every day. This is the first year that I have taught the same grade as I did the previous year. It is strange, but it is a good strange. My new group of kids is fun and we are beginning to get settled in and develop a comfort with one another.

4. I have a computer again! I know this may seem odd, but I have missed (at times) not having a computer. The people I am living with had an extra laptop and they have wireless, so they hooked me up. Hopefully I will have my own computer in the next month or two. It is good be in touch with people again.

5. (this is probably the biggest one for me) 5 of my girls are in college! Many of you know that I led a girls' Bible study the past 5.5 years. Well, of my 7 girls, 5 left for college a few weeks ago. We had one last hurrah this summer and went to Chicago for the weekend (and saw Wicked). I have spent countless hours with these girls over the last 5 years and it has come to an end. God blessed my life so much through each one of these girls. What a blessing to be a part of each of their lives, watch them grow up, see them develop in their relationship with Jesus, and become young women.

6. A call to ministry! The Lord has placed a burden on my heart for jr/sr high girls ministry. What does this mean for me? I have no idea. But I have been praying that God will lead me, provide opportunities to minister, and help me to reach out to these girls. It is sure to be an exciting journey.

So, lots of moves happening in my life. It is so good. I'm grateful that I serve a God that allows me to be uncomfortable. It is my prayer that HE will lead me and direct my every step as I head into the next season of life.

Chaos

Many of you know that I am a 5th grade teacher. Well, the end of any school year (we have 10 more days) brings SO MUCH CHAOS! I feel like I am going hour-by-hour and sometimes even minute-by-minute. Last night I got to bed at 1:00 AM! Today has been rough. My kids are getting super chatty, knowing that summer is just around the corner - I can't blame them. However, we still have things to get done.

This week has been exceptionally busy for me. Here's the rundown (mind you I have been at school by 6:45 AM at the latest each day):

Monday - school (begin lit. circles), McDonald's Teacher night, walk with mom

Tuesday - school (Middle School orientation, nails, staff retirement dinner (missed Bible study)

Wednesday - school (testing, DARE dog, DARE Graduation practice, DARE Graduation), visit friend who had a baby, HS small groups, stayed and visited way too late

Thursday - school (testing), work out, walk with mom, basketball practice, grade papers

Friday - school (Field Day, games, snake program), crash at home

Why am I running down my list you ask? Well, notice what is missing from every day but one....God time. I hate when I get so busy that I miss out on my God time. Or should I say, "I hate when I push my God time back to make room for other things." It has been evident to me too. I am grouchy and moody and emotional and tired. I am not ever being refreshed.

Chaos. It makes me crazy. I just want to stop and make myself make time for what my soul needs. I wonder when I will really do it?

blog frustrations

If you read my tagged post, you can see that it didn't space between paragraphs. I have no clue why and I help searched it and everything. If anyone can help me out, I would appreciate it. It may help to know that I am pretty much computer illiterate and you will have to spell things out for me.

Thanks, Dina

I've Been Tagged...

...by more than one person. I have been on Spring Break - away from school and computers and it was WONDERFUL. But, I will be headed back to school tomorrow and thought I should get this post done since about 5 people have tagged me. So, here goes (and you may not hold any of these facts against me)!

Weird Fact #1

I fold my underpants. So many people just wad them up and throw them in a drawer. Not me...I actually take the time to fold them all and place them neatly in a dresser drawer. Some of my old roomies thought it would be funny and actually took the time to mess up my drawer. I tried to live with it and that lasted about 36 hours - I couldn't take it any longer and folded them all back up.

Weird Fact #2

I don't mix my food. I generally eat one thing off my plate at a time. Sometimes I will mix things up, but I generally eat all of one thing on my plate before moving to the next.

Weird Fact #3

I shave once a week. I don't do this out of laziness, I just don't have to shave more than that. Now, in the summer, I will shave at least 2 and sometimes 3 times a week, but the hair on my legs just doesn't grow that much. It may not seem too weird, but it definately has caused some slight envy from my friends. Hahaha!

Weird Fact #4

I don't like scalding hot food. If I make something in the oven, frozen pizza for instance, I put it in the fridge or freezer to cool off before I will eat it. I also put ice cubes in soup to cool it off. I know it is strange, but I don't burn my mouth!

Weird Fact #5

My CD's are insanely organized. First I arrange them by genre (christian, Beatles, soundtracks, other, Christmas). Then, within eat genre I alphabetize them all. If I have more than one CD per artist, I arrange them by their release date. It is so strange, but at least I know right where to find them. (it makes my roomie a little nervous when her neice and nephew come over and knock them off the shelf. oh, the laughs. And don't worry, I don't throw a tantrum or anything like that.)

Weird Fact #6

I love shoes - not so weird. The weird thing is that when I buy new tennis shoes, I plan to wear my favorite jeans to be sure that the shoes look good with the jeans. I also must have squishy tennis shoes. I wear them A LOT so they have to be comfy. (mayday...I found some great insoles that I bought with my newest tennis shoes. They are amazing...it feels like I'm walking on a gymnastics mat all the time.)

Weird Fact #7

I can't sleep in silence. I grew up in the country and always had the sound of outside to put me to sleep. In the winter, I listened to music. Well, now I either have to turn the sleep timer on the TV to fall asleep or have music on. If it is silent, I can lay awake all night no matter how exhausted I may be. There have been times in my life when I didn't have TV or music to fall asleep, so I talk myself to sleep. I know, you are probably thinking, "this girl is whack" and I might very well be, but at least I get good sleep at night.

So, I totally won't tag anyone since they have all tagged me. I hope you enjoy my strangeness!

Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

getting there

This post is nothing profound. I've been tagged. I just haven't had time to post - school is crazy busy. Only 1 day and 2 hours til Spring Break! I promise my tagged post is coming soon!

Smooches to all....Dina

Pain

Sometimes it hurts: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

Pain from exercising.
Pain from losing a loved one.
Pain from wondering.
Pain from caring.
Pain from realizing that things don't always go as planned.

But, then comes that really crappy, unexplainable pain. And I wonder how long will it last? And I ask Jesus if/when he will heal me. And I wish there was an explanation for wanting to break down every time I blink.

But . . . I have no reason.

It just hurts.

Waiting

My phone's banner says "Wait on Jesus". Why do I need this constant reminder? I guess its because I am a gung-ho kind of person. When I want something, I go after it and I don't always wait for God's timing. Inevitably things don't work out so well.

So, I put a reminder on my phone, "Wait on Jesus," because I see that reminder at least 15 times a day (I've seen it 3 times already today). I know there are things happening in my life right now that could fall apart if I don't do just that . . . Wait on Jesus. There are opportunities, doors that are cracked open, and I want to push through them but I can't. I need to Wait on Jesus.

Knowing in my heart that I need to wait on him, I looked to my Bible for some encouragement. Here is what I found:

Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 130:5 "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope."

Isaiah 30:18 "For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait on him."

Acts 1:4 [Jesus commands] "Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised."

1Thessalonians 1:10 "...and wait for his Son from heaven - Jesus who rescues us from the coming wrath."

Romans 8:19 "The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed."

You know what I've learned? It is good to wait! It is hard to wait. Psalm 130:5 says while we wait we need to put our hope in HIS word. Seek God out . . . maybe that's why he wants you and me to wait. Romans 8:19 says we wait eagerly. If I am constantly jumping into things, the excitement can't build. I don't give God time to prepare me for what lies ahead. You can't jump into a battle or a game without preparing for it! When we get pumped up and train, we are SO much more driven.

I guess waiting on Jesus is hard, but it is SO worth it. Where is God saying in your life, Wait on Jesus?

Throw it out the Door

I have learned a valuable lesson these past 3 weeks. Sometimes, you have to throw your plans out the door.

Let me explain...

I am a 5th grade teacher in northern Indiana. Many of you know that we have been puked on my Old Man Winter at random times recently. Being that I also coach basketball and the season has begun, I planned ahead. Over Thanksgiving Break, I planned out some things to get up to Christmas Break (to have goals and to keep my life a little less crazy during bball). I made sure to plan in 2 "weather days" just in case. Well, we have had 4 days cancelled and at least 2 or 3 delays. Needless to say, all the planning has kind of gone down the tubes. I spent a full day at school today - with no students- working on things. I was going to figure out my lesson plans for the remaining 3 days, but have decided to just keep the plan book blank. Oh, I have a few notes of things that MUST get done but I am not going to stress over it anymore. We will just go with the flow.

Now for the lesson I've learned. I'm sure I am not the only one guilty of this either. I tend to plan my life: the typical "5 or 10-year-plan" and it always gets messed up. I am so focused on where I want me to be and I lose sight of the plans that God has for me. He even tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

Sometimes we have to just throw our plans out the door. Sometimes we have to just live in the moment that God has blessed us with. Sometimes we tend to focus so much on making plans that we miss the opportunities God has right in front of us.

Do you need to throw it out the door? Does God have something amazing right in front of you that is going unnoticed because of your agenda?

Finding Peace

So, I realize that I haven't finished the second part of my summer (and my roomie is waiting for my next post). Let me preface this by saying that God is so good and he knows exactly what we need and exactly when we need it.

My summer ended with me ready to move on in my church life. I adored the church that I was attending, but it wasn't meeting my needs as a 27-year-old single person. I have known for the last year that I needed to find a group of young adults to get involved with, but I kept putting it off for various reasons. One major reason was guilt, not conviction, guilt. I realized that this guilt was satan's way of fighting against what God was trying to teach me and where God was trying to lead me. No one at my previous church did anything to make me "feel" guilty, it was just satan warping my mind.

The first big step I took this summer was stepping down as a youth leader at my previous church. I love youth ministry, I love my kids, but I was spreading myself too thin and loosing sight of Jesus. It was a tough decision....probably one of the hardest decisions I've had to make for a while. It wasn't too bad though. I had two of my mentors, Tim and Kim, in prayer for me and I knew that they were praying for God's will to be done.

The second big step that I took was to church shop. I like this term for several reasons. I looked at it like grocery shopping: when you grocery shop you go to the store looking for what you need. That is what I did. I looked for a church that had a young adult group, a youth ministry that I may get involved with, a consistent pastor, music (God speaks to me this way), and a vision to grow God's church and not just their congregation.

I visited a few new churches and revisited some churches I had been to before. It didn't take long. I am now attending the NWUMC and I love it! I look forward to going to church, worshipping, meeting new faces, and being part of something. There are opportunities to get involved, but I am waiting on God's lead. I have had several confirmations that this is where I belong...for now...and I feel totally at peace.

Yes, leaving the familiarity of Red Zone was tough. Yes, there were times when I really doubted that decisions. Yes, it was hard to look at people and know that they may be hurt or confused about my decision. BUT God kept me at peace. I had to focus on HIM to get me through. I had to constantly seek HIM out and follow his lead. And, you know what? It worked.

Isaiah 26:3 You [God] will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you [God].

This verse became real to me this summer. It is still very real to me. I cannot imagine what would be happening in my life if I din't focus on the Lord. WHere would I be? Would I get to experience the perfect peace that Isaiah talks about? I don't know. What I do know is that I am experiencing peace and I don't want to be anyhwere else.

Why.............?

I had a rough summer. I dealt with a lot of personal struggles, mostly emotional and spiritual. There were days when I struggled to get out of bed or just do something. It wasn't anything MAJOR, but I learned SO much. I am probably going to take two posts to get it all out.

This first post comes from my journal on July 28. It is never easy for me to share myself like this, but I want to share what the Lord taught me through my summer. In order to do that, you need to know where it all began....

7-28-07
Why? I'm so tired of this life! I'm tired of not liking myself. I'm tired of allowing satan to get me where it hurts. I'm tired of not knowing what I want to do or why God has placed burning desires in my heart and then felling like I'm on my own to sort out EVERYTHING. I want to focus everything on serving Him, but I feel torn in so many directions and I don't know where to go first.

So.......I do nothing. And I HATE it and I'm ashamed to call myself a Christian. What about my life says, "That girl is in love with something amazing!" or "She has got it" - and wonder what IT is? Why? Why? Why? I just want to run and get AWAY from everything and everyone and be me with no single thing to distract me except a burning desire and passion for my LORD and SAVIOR. I want to be overwhelmed by Christ and the love He has for me. I want to be out of control about God - can't contain it! How do I get there? What does that look like for my life? Is it ever going to fully happen on this earth, in this life? I so want to hope that it will, but is seems like a lost hope - worthless. Do I really believe that the God I have grown to love, that I claim to serve......do I believe that He is the I AM? Sometimes I seriously don't know what I'm doing, what I'm believing. Ahhh!


I don't doubt that I am not the only person in the world to feel this way. Know that you are not alone if you have felt this way. I guess that's why I posted this - to remind myself and anyone who reads this that we don't have to go through life alone. Christ is there.....ALWAYS.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." -Psalm 23:4

hi

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. I want to catch you all up on my summer, but it will take 2 posts. I am hoping to put one up tomorrow and one on Friday. (Please don't hold me to that.) I will do my best to be a better blogger too. I am trying to get the hang of the 5th grade routine down - lots of papers to grade! We'll get there and I will post more. Thanks to all who keep checking on me......something new will be here soon!

Overwhelmed

I wrote this on Sunday, June 24, 2007

Overwhelmed: to affect deeply in mind or emotion

Have you ever felt completely overwhelmed by something? Someone? A moment? . . . . . . . . I have. The last 3 days have been overwhelming.

First off, I spent my weekend at the Pro Life Music Festival in Warsaw (www.plmf.org) whish was overwhelming. I am blessed to volunteer at this and witness thousands of people gathered together for one common purpose - to support LIFE! I heard amazing testimonies of women who had abortions and all of the emotions that came with those abortions. I heard testimonies from women who found help at crisis pregnancy centers. I heard testimonies from some amazing musicians who just poured their lives and music into the worship of our Lord and Savior. I spent time with band members and volunteers - all working for one common purpose. I mingled with friends (including my dear friend Jimmy B) and fellow believers. It was overwhelming.

Second was hosting a band from another concert. Some very dear friends of mine played a show with a band from Pittsburg, PA. They needed a place to stay and I opened my home. At first, I wasn’t too thrilled because I was exhausted and wanted to sleep. But, Jesus kicked me in the pants and reminded me that I am a servant. He demands us to put others before ourselves. Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” If that isn’t a demand, then I don’t know what is. I met the band and they were awesome! They were so grateful to have beds to sleep in and a shower to use. I got home Saturday night at midnight to a tear-rendering thank you note from this group. I was overwhelmed.

Third was church this morning. Have you ever experienced God in such a way that you can’t explain the moment with words? Worship was beyond me today. The music was totally driven by the Holy Spirit! We had a guest speaker, Dr. Jackson, who spoke about the lies of evolution. My favorite part of Dr. Jackson’s speaking is the God-centeredness of it. The man has the presence of Jesus pouring out of him. The music time that followed was unspeakable. What I mean is that I was overwhelmed. We sang “I am Nothing” (Jeremy Camp) and “Amazing Love” (Newsboys). I was blessed to be in the worship band this week. Personally, leading the second of the 2 songs was totally the work of God. My very being wanted to collapse in the splendor of my unfathomable creator God. I kept praying, “Lord, keep the words coming. Here my praise to you.” I was actually trembling and I don’t doubt for one instance that it was the very presence of God filling my spirit.

Lastly, tonight…….I am in Grand Rapids, MI at a concert. Our Hero’s End (www.myspace.com/ourherosend) played along with 2 local bands, NEVERTHELESS, and Disciple. The bands have all shared why they are doing this - to glorify God. The lead singer from Disciple just spoke shortly and began with this question, “Have you ever trembled out of pure respect for God?” How crazy that my day began with trembling in the very presence of God!!!??!!! It is overwhelming.

These are all big moments. There was definitely high energy, crowds of believers, and an overwhelming presence of God himself. But, God is also in the small moments. Scriptures talks about hearing God in the quiet stillness, in the wind (1 Kings 19:12). I have had those moments this weekend too. Amidst all the hype of concerts and church and speakers, where God definitely was, He was in some very quiet moments. Looking out my kitchen window this morning, I noticed the wildlife right in my back yard. My house was still, the sun had just come out, and I felt God’s presence saying, “Good morning, Dina.” It was the most overwhelming part of my weekend.

Why did I tell you this . . . . I just felt like I should. I serve a God who is so amazing that you can’t contain him. HE IS OVERWHELMING!!! Have you been overwhelmed by God? I would love to hear about it.

Being Silly

Those of you that know me know that I love to live life. I have been accused of being silly (I don't know why!). I have been thinking about this lately and I have come to realize how incredibly true it is. I love being silly. I love laughing and having fun in all that I do. Of course there are times in my life that aren't silly. However, more often than not, I am being silly.



I have realized that some of my readers may not know this about me. My life allows me to be silly and be a kid. In the words of my dear friend Kim, "I don't plan on ever growing up!" I taught 4th grade this year (moving up to 5th next year). My kids informed me, countless times, that I am crazy or that I make them laugh. I work with Jr/Sr High youth kids and I have been known to do some crazy/silly things with them (those stories don't all need to be shared). I love to make people laugh - it usually makes me laugh. Oh, and I recently joined "The Dixie Clucks" - a fun little skit that I do with some other teachers at school functions.



The best part of being silly is that I keep myself young. I am sure there are people in my life who think that I am immature or stupid, but I don't care. I am professional and serious when I need to be. But, God created me in his image and I like to think that HE did a great job. It has taken me time to get to this point in my life, but that is who MY CREATOR wanted me to be.



So, don't grow up too fast. Stay young at heart, it makes life much more exciting and enjoyable. I leave you with this scripture: 1 Timothy 4:12 "Do not anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an examply for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."

My boys

I have "my boys" and they are amazing boys. It is by the grace of God that my life has been meshed with each one of them. They are between the ages of 17-20. The relationship that I have with each of them makes me laugh because only God would have put them in my life.


I have known Mikey and Matt for a very long time (10 years at least). Tyrus I have known for about 4 years. Austin I have known for a year. This summer our youth group decided to start small groups. Being that there was only 1 male youth sponsor and about 10 guys, I volunteered to take a group of boys. These are the 4 that I ended up with and I couldn't be more privileged to have them in my lives. I look forward to youth group, hanging out with Tyrus and Austin. Mikey and Matt have graduated, but they still call or write or stop by and I love it. It makes me laugh that I am a 26 year old girl and that God placed these 4 boys in my life as accountability peeps.

What a sense of humor God has and how unexpected.


The best thing about these boys is that they are so real with me. They make me be real too and I love it. They call at random times, include me in their lives, and just love me for being Dina. They are a great example of the unconditional love that Christ so graciously poors over each one of us. I look forward to the text messages that I get from them. I love when they leave me comments on myspace.


It hit me hard last Sunday just how blessed I am to have each of them in my life. Our sermon at church was one that hit my heart and Jesus broke me. It was AMAZING! I cried and prayed and praised. The best part was the hugs that I recieved from Mikey and Matt after church. Then, at youth group, Austin blasted me with an amazing hug. Monday night, I got to spend time with Tyrus and it was great! God knows how to reach into my life and he uses my boys rather often.


God has really shown me the ministry that lies with these 4 boys - it reminds me of Jesus. Now, I am in no way calling myself Jesus, but how unlikely were his boys? They were not people that you would expect to be church planters, they were not the most scholarly. But, God had a purpose for them. A purpose that is beyond this world. I take that to heart with my boys. I wonder why God placed them in my life, and He has his ways to remind me.


I ask anyone who reads this: has God placed people in your life and you wonder why? I have no doubt that the relationships God gives us are for HIS kingdom. Are you using those relationships for the kingdom?

God has a way...

Have you ever noticed that God has a way of reminding us that we are totally resting in his hands? I had one of these moments Thursday night. I have been slightly stressed lately - I dislocated my finger a month ago and I am undergoing major dental work. This means lots of money coming out and missing work (which takes money away). So, it has been slightly stressful. I was in serious need of some love and God had that planned.

My dear friend Tim offered to cook dinner for me and some of my college friends. These girls are just about the greatest women I have ever encountered in my 26 years of life. It is totally God that brought us all together in college and He has kept us close for the past 8 years! We all try to get together when we can, but schedules and babies, and families don't always allow for that. However, we found some time to get together and it was wonderful.


As I returned home, I couldn't thank God enough for these amazing friends that he has so graciously blessed me with. We laughed, ate, and relaxed together. It was wonderful to see each of them and my 2 cutiehead neices. Sometimes it is hard to not see each other as often as we did in college. But, it makes the times that we do have together so special.


I have some scripture to share that usually comes to mind when I am with these girls.
Romans 15:7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
Colossians 3:17 And wahtever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.


I am reminding each of us, myself included, to remember that God has a way of reminding us, nudging us. We are not alone in this world. There is one relationship that should be placed first and that is our relationship with Jesus Christ. Is God trying to remind you of this? Are you missing out on the reminders?



Picture taken by Tim Stiffler www.timstifflerthephotographer.com

To see the food we ate, click on Jess' link (to the side)

Frustration

I have been frustrated lately. It has taken me a while to write about this too because I don't want to be venting, but I really want to share some lessons I have learned.

I coach 8th girls' basketball. I love the sport. I love the girls. I love teaching this fabulous sport. My team this year is very talented, but I don't think they fully understand just how talented they are.

They haven't played to their full potential this season. Our record is 6-6 (it should be 10-2 or 11-1). The losses have been huge and the wins have been close (all but 2). I stand on the sidelines of each game wondering if the girls are going to play like they can or if they are going to let another game be lost. The worst part of the whole thing is that it is out of my control.

I do my best to teach them the game, to trouble-shoot during games, and strengthen their skills at practice and in games. I aim to teach them to respect the game of basketball, their teammates, coaches, and opponents. No matter how much I show them, encourage them, or help them, I can't determine what they will do when they step on the court to play a game.

It wasn't until about 2 weeks ago that I went to God for help, in tears and desperate. I pleaded with him to make them play, to get their heads out of their rears, and to do what I know they are capable of. Guess what God said? Nothing . . . . . . . until Monday.

Monday I was at the dentist (a whole other story). I was there quite a while and had plenty of time to myself. So, I tried to be still and relax and converse with God. I got my answer. That answer comes from the book of Mark. A dear friend of mine had sent this to me a few years ago when I was going through a similar situation.

17A man in the crowd answered, "Teacher, I brought you my son, who is possessed by a spirit that has robbed him of speech. 18Whenever it seizes him, it throws him to the ground. He foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth and becomes rigid. I asked your disciples to drive out the spirit, but they could not."
19"O unbelieving generation," Jesus replied, "how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me." -Mark 9:17-19

Jesus got so frustrated with his disciples. They had seen miracle after miracle and still didn't have the faith to do the work that God had prepared them for. Here were 12 guys that had been closer to Jesus than anyone. They had shared in very intimate parts of Jesus' life, seen miracles, witnessed supernatural occurences and still lacked.

Then I thought, how many times has God been frustrated with me? How many times have I not doen what I am capable of with God as my coach? The answer.......too many. I am sure that God has been frustrated with me when I am not honest about my relationship with him, when I don't stand up for him, when I pass up an opportunity to share my faith with an unbeliever. God can't play the game for me anymore than I can play for my girls.

So, what have I done. Well, I am trying to be more positive. I am trying to trust my girls. I am going at each day of bball with a fresh attitude that I am doing my best as a coach.

I want to encourage you if you are frustrated to stop, pray, and want to understand why you are frustrated. Is it because God doesn't care or because you don't care?

Beauty

Have you ever sat back and been in awe of God? I mean, really been in awe?

This happened to me today. We have been completely blasted with snow over the past 2 days. Unofficial reports say that Syracuse got 8.5-10 inches of snow! That is a lot of snow! I looked out my bathroom window this morning and I couldn't even see the driveway. It was unreal. School had gotten cancelled, so I went back to bed.

Backing up . . . yesterday I was home all day as was my roomie. Once we both found out we didn't have to work today she looked at me and said, "Guess what we should do tomorrow since we don't have to work?" I replied, "Uh, shovel the driveway." Jenn said, "Oh, that too. But I was thinking that we should play in the snow."

So, that is just what we did today! It was wonderful and not really too cold. The wonderful Amos (Jenn's bro-in-law) snowblowed our driveway. Jenn and I shoveled the sidewalk and porch. Then the fun began. We made snow angels, threw snow balls, and Jenn attempted to snowboard in the yard (with no success). She got stuck. I hauled her and board over my shoulder and carried them up the driveway. She boarded down the driveway (twice) and I hauled her up. Then we went for a walk down our street.

The snow was AMAZING! I found myself wondering once again if that snow was dropped just to remind me of the BIG God that I serve. I thought of Chris Tomlin's song, Indescribable. The lyrics say, "Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go? Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?" That is one big God!

I have been down in the dumps alot lately - in my spiritual walk. I feel disconected, uncertain, and lonely. Reading my Bible has not been a high priority, just enough to keep up with the reading that I am doing for Bible study. I haven't felt or seen God's beauty in much of anything.

Thank you Jesus for the snow. Thank you for snowing me in with a great roomie. Thanks for the break to be a lazy bum at home yesterday and enjoy the beautiful roomie that you have blessed me with. Thank you for the snow. Thank you for the moments today to see how BIG you really are. Thank you more than anything for always making yourself known in my life. You are truly a beautiful God.

Here are some snow pictures:1. Jenn snowboarding. 2. the beginning of a snow angel. 3. snow angel. 4. snow friends

God Wants Me Where?!

12/30/06

Having passion for life is so important. I have recently found myself seeking out God and what His passion is for my life more fervently than ever before. I love kids and I love ministry. I find myself longing so much to be in ministry full-time. Don’t get me wrong, I truly enjoy being a teacher, but I wonder if there is more for my life.

I just finished the book Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper (I highly recommend this to anyone wanting to dig into a deeper relationship with Jesus). There was one particular paragraph that spoke straight to my heart and I want to share it with you:

“Many of you are simply not satisfied with what you are doing. As J. Campbell White said, the out put of your lives is not satisfying your deepest spiritual ambitions. We must be careful here. Every job has its discouragements and its seasons of darkness. We must not interpret such experiences automatically as a call to leave our post. But if the discontent with your present situation is deep, recurrent, and lasting, and if that discontent grows in Bible-saturated soil, God may be calling you to a new work. If, in your discontent, you long to be holy, to walk pleasing to the Lord, and to magnify Christ with your one, brief life, then God may indeed be loosening your roots in order to transplant you to a place and a ministry where the deep spiritual ambitions of your soul can be satisfied. It is true that God can be known and enjoyed in every legitimate vocation; but when he deploys you from one place to the next, he offers fresh and deeper drinking at the fountain of his fellowship. God seldom calls us to an easier life, but always calls us to know more of him and drink more deeply of his sustaining grace.”

I don’t doubt for a minute that God has me right where He wants me to be. But at the same time I wonder where this longing for ministry is coming from. I will be the last person to say that I am “gifted” in teaching kids. Yes, I feel it is something I do well, but gifted is not what comes to mind.

So, what am I saying . . . I guess I want to encourage those of you who feel pulled in a different direction than you thought you would be headed - it is scary, but you are not in control of your life (and it‘s a good thing). I can honestly say that when I gave my life to Christ 9 years ago, I never dreamed that God would put a calling on my heart to be in ministry. I can also tell you that when I laid my plans aside and dove into ministry, God impacted me in ways that I could have never imagined.

Where is God pulling you? Maybe you have heard HIS call, answered it, and are right where God has planned for you to be. Maybe you have heard a call and haven’t answered it. Maybe you are hearing something right now . . . will you let God be God and take you where He wants you? I’ll be praying for you.

“Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2

Faith In Action

The following is something I had written a while ago. I was reading through it and realized that it needs to be shared - with whom I am not sure (maybe it’s you). Maybe I read it to share it with myself. No matter what the reason, it is here to be read. May God bless you today and remind you of who He is and how much He desires you to put your faith in Him.

September 13, 2003
“Your faith is nothing unless you use it.” (Steve Lotter-friend from RZ)

This really made me think about MY faith. How do I use my faith? The realization that I had tonight is that I don’t use my faith all of the time. I use it when it is convenient and easy. I think to myself: did Jesus only act as God wanted him to when it was convenient for Jesus? Of course not! If he had done that, would God’s will have been fulfilled? NO!!! Jesus came to be the perfect example of a life that is pleasing to God in EVERY way - not just when Jesus wanted to be pleasing. As I think of that it makes me realize that my life is not always pleasing to God. I use the same old excuse “I’m human and I can’t possibly live up to God’s expectations for me”. The problem with that attitude is that it keeps me from pushing myself to do what I know I should - it is an evil crutch and I know that it holds me back.

So, what am I going to do with this revelation from God? I want to say that I have it all figured out, but I know that it is not for me to figure out. God knows what He wants me to do and I need to unclog my ears and listen to the beautiful voice of my Father. I need to put my fears aside - look at how He has blessed me already for doing that! Why is it so hard to be fearless when I hear the voice of God? Part of me has trouble discerning if it is God and part of me wants to convince myself that it isn’t God just so I don’t have to do what he is asking of me. It is a total attitude thing. I need to realize that the things God is asking of me are privileges from GOD! He would not lead me to do something that I am not fully prepared for. That preparation needs to consist of serious prayer and FAITH. And not just saying that I have the faith that it takes, but believing with all that I am and putting that faith to use. I think of how many times my faith has consisted of empty words and I am ashamed of myself. In no way did I lift up God’s name. The only real thing that I accomplished was to make myself look foolish and degrade God. How wretched.

If you are feeling this way or have ever felt like this, I invite you to pray the following prayer. Read it and take to heart the words. It has been my prayer many times, and I open it to you.

Abba Father, I thank you so much for who you are. I thank you that no matter how badly I screw up and make a fool of myself you are there to put me back on the right track. I am a sinful person and I know that you have spent so much of my life on the bottom of my priority list. God I am confessing that this will no longer be. I want to keep you at the head of my life, above all else! I want to live every minute of my days for you, thinking of you, praising you with my life. I pray that you give me the strength and guidance that I know only you are capable to do. Please pick me up when I stumble and let me know that you are always there. Help me keep my eyes focused 100% on you 100% of my time. I cannot fathom your reasons for choosing me, but I know that you have plans for me. I open my heart up to what you have for me to do. Please speak to me in a clear way Father. Lead me in your ways. I want to be the person that you intend me to be. I want to follow Christ in every way of my life. I know that I can do none of this on my own. So, I ask that you fill me with your awesome strength and power, allowing me to do things only through your will.
Thank you so much for sending your Son to be the perfect example. Thank you for using him to give me a second chance and eternal grace. I pray all these things in Jesus’ name. Amen



1 Cor. 15:17 - And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins.

Galatians 5:6 - The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

1 Thessalonians 1:8-9 - The Lord’s message rang out from you not only in Macedonia and Achaia-your faith in God has become known everywhere. Therefore we do not need to say anything about it, for they themselves report what kind of reception you gave us. They tell how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God . . .

Coming soon

Hey all! I just wanted to let you know that I haven't forgot to post. I have 2 news posts that should be up in the next week. I am trying to get my home computer to cooperate with me so that I can post them. I didn't stop blogging, just haven't had the most time (even with Christmas break in there).

Love to all!

Shout out

I have never used my blog for this, but I want the world to know how blessed I feel. I want to give a shout out to a very dear friend of mine, Darcy.

For those of you who know Darcy, this will come as no surprise to you. For those of you who don't know Darcy, I pray that you have someone in your life like her.

Darcy has a HUGE heart! Sometimes I wonder how her petite body can hold such a huge heart. I had a terrible day yesterday, and was at my wits end. I had dealt with a woman who lacks in the heart region and decided to unload on me. This is a woman whom I was doing some business with as well, and she was completely out-of-line with her behavior. I left the place in tears and anger and pure frustration. I didn't know what to do, so I called Darcy.

Darcy was so calm, reassuring, and understanding. I was mad because I didn't handle myself in a "Christ-following" way. Darcy offered words of comfort - I am sure the words were straight from Jesus. I was saddened by the crudeness of the woman I had just dealt with. Darcy assured me that it was not my fault, I had done no wrong.

As I was trying to go to sleep last night, I was replaying the whole afternoon in my head. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I decided to pray. My prayer wasn't that God would punish the crude woman I dealt with. It wasn't that he would make the hurting stop. It wasn't even prayer for a solution to my new dilema. My prayer was a prayer of humble thanks. Thanks for providing me with Darcy.

I pray that each of you has a "Darcy" in your lives. If you do, make sure they know how important they are.

Darcy, YOU ARE A HUGE BLESSING! This is my "shout out" to you! I love ya lots!