I had the greatest time yesterday! I got to spend time with my grandma and my great-aunt Thelma. These ladies are two peas in a pod. They are so much like sisters (related by marriage to each other). Their company just overwhelms me with joy!
My grandma is one of the strongest, most caring people I know. She loves the Lord with her life and has modeled that for me - sometimes more than I have realized. She lives in Arkansas now, but is very involved in my life and the goings on of it. I can seriously talk to her about most anything. And, boy can we laugh!!! Those of you that know me, know just how much I love to laugh. Well, time with grandma can bring out some of the BEST laughing attacks!
My aunt Thelma is probably the sweetest person I know (and I know lots of sweethearts). She is genuinely happy to see me. She prays for me often. She shares how the Lord is working in her life. She relies on Jesus 24/7 and speaks truth always! I could honestly spend all day with her and never want to leave. My favorite thing about her is the way she loves....unconditionally and makes you feel like you are the most important person in the world.
Yeah, I was blessed beyond measure yesterday just getting to spend time with these two amazing women. I pray that everyone has at least one person like them. Maybe you are fortunate to have several. Don't take them for granted. I am a firm believe that God intrinsically designs relationships to meet needs that we have. Your relationships may just be the way that God daily reveals himself to you!
Precious Jesus, thank you for these 2 amazing women. Thanks that I could spend time with them. Thank you for the testimony that each of them has. Thank you for the witness that they are to me, each other, our family, and the world of your awesome-ness.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
The End is Near
Four more days! I can't believe that the end of another school year is almost here. This has been quite the year too.
It was the first time I have ever taught the same grade for a second year. We had a new reading series. There was a new teacher in our grade level. I had 6 high-ability kids. I tried MANY new things in my class. I didn't coach middle school basketball. I went through some personal challenges. I had a student reach 300 objectives in ACM and another get to almost 500 points in AR (independent math and reading programs). I read a book to my kids called Sir Fartsalot Hunts the Booger. I read 10 books over the course of the school year. I traveled. I attended professional workshops/conferences.
I have thought back over this school year SO MUCH this weekend. I find myself wondering "What are the lessons that my students learned this year? I mean the important lessons that they will take with them. What will they remember about their 5th grade teacher? Are they a better person after having spent 180 days with me? Are they ready for middle school? Are they smarter?"
So much goes through my mind. Teaching 5th grade, I don't have the luxury of seeing my kids at school next year...they go on to middle school. I miss them already.
I always try to figure out what the closing message will be to my kids on the afternoon of their last day. I don't know what I will say. I don't know if it will be the right thing. I don't know if they will care. I don't know if they will remember.
What I do know is that God is in control. I know that HE has challenged me this year to lean on him more and more in every aspect of my life. I know that my daily prayer: "Lord, give me the patience that I need today to love these kids they way you love me," will continue to be my prayer for 4 more days.
Yes, the end of one things is very near. But the beginning of the next is just around the corner.
It was the first time I have ever taught the same grade for a second year. We had a new reading series. There was a new teacher in our grade level. I had 6 high-ability kids. I tried MANY new things in my class. I didn't coach middle school basketball. I went through some personal challenges. I had a student reach 300 objectives in ACM and another get to almost 500 points in AR (independent math and reading programs). I read a book to my kids called Sir Fartsalot Hunts the Booger. I read 10 books over the course of the school year. I traveled. I attended professional workshops/conferences.
I have thought back over this school year SO MUCH this weekend. I find myself wondering "What are the lessons that my students learned this year? I mean the important lessons that they will take with them. What will they remember about their 5th grade teacher? Are they a better person after having spent 180 days with me? Are they ready for middle school? Are they smarter?"
So much goes through my mind. Teaching 5th grade, I don't have the luxury of seeing my kids at school next year...they go on to middle school. I miss them already.
I always try to figure out what the closing message will be to my kids on the afternoon of their last day. I don't know what I will say. I don't know if it will be the right thing. I don't know if they will care. I don't know if they will remember.
What I do know is that God is in control. I know that HE has challenged me this year to lean on him more and more in every aspect of my life. I know that my daily prayer: "Lord, give me the patience that I need today to love these kids they way you love me," will continue to be my prayer for 4 more days.
Yes, the end of one things is very near. But the beginning of the next is just around the corner.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Do Not Worry
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:25-27)
I worry too much. How much is too much you ask? According to these verses, any worrying is too much. When I read them, worrying just seems stupid. I know that God is going to take care of me, he always has.
So, if you are a worry wart (like I am sometimes), don't be. God knows what we need when we need it. He's really great like that.
I worry too much. How much is too much you ask? According to these verses, any worrying is too much. When I read them, worrying just seems stupid. I know that God is going to take care of me, he always has.
So, if you are a worry wart (like I am sometimes), don't be. God knows what we need when we need it. He's really great like that.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
What To Do
I'm stirred today. I'm still working through Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. I actually hadn't read too much for a few weeks. I picked it up today and was rocked! I'm constantly amazed at the blind faith I read about. I worry about the dumbest things some times, and for no reason. These people are really putting themselves out there. Living "unsafe" according to societal norms. And they are totally filled with joy in the risk and their faith is bubbling over.
Then I think, "So Dina, what are you going to do?" And I honestly have no answers. Sometimes I just want to pick up, move somewhere else, and minister to kids in the ghetto. Other times I think about all that I can do, but am not doing, with the students in my classroom. I wonder if I need to go to another church. Or, do I need to just downsize my life.
I know what I need to do. I need to spend more time with Jesus. I need to get into the Word. I need to pray for some guidance. I need to be awake and aware of the opportunities God is giving me (maybe I am overlooking things). I need to be Dina, not someone else.
Then I think, "So Dina, what are you going to do?" And I honestly have no answers. Sometimes I just want to pick up, move somewhere else, and minister to kids in the ghetto. Other times I think about all that I can do, but am not doing, with the students in my classroom. I wonder if I need to go to another church. Or, do I need to just downsize my life.
I know what I need to do. I need to spend more time with Jesus. I need to get into the Word. I need to pray for some guidance. I need to be awake and aware of the opportunities God is giving me (maybe I am overlooking things). I need to be Dina, not someone else.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
The Super Cool Thing about God
God is so good!
This past week was a rough one. For more info click here: www.glowministry.blogspot.com/
back to the title....God knew I needed some encouragement and HE provided. I had emailed 2 friends about some struggles and was overwhelmed by their replies. I want to share some of what they said with you.
"I want you to know that you are a BEAUTIFUL child of God equipped with so, so many talents. You carry your friends burden's, pray and care for them like no one else I know, teach and are Jesus to SO MANY kids DAILY and yeah.. I could go on and on about the attributes that Jesus gave you, D. You are truly, truly beautiful inside and out and I hope you know that. (Dude, do you know how many people covet your fabo hair and super tan completion???)"
"I am not hopeless for you!...you truly are a wonderful and beautiful person. Phil. 1:6 (Message version). 'There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.'"
I am by no means sharing that to boast about myself, but to share how God speaks to us. He created us to be in relationship with other believers. These 2 friends have PROVEN that to me. When I am down, I know that God has placed people in my life as HIS tool. People that can speak HIS truth over me when I can't/won't hear his voice alone.
That is the super cool thing about God - HE knows what we need when we need it!
This past week was a rough one. For more info click here: www.glowministry.blogspot.com/
back to the title....God knew I needed some encouragement and HE provided. I had emailed 2 friends about some struggles and was overwhelmed by their replies. I want to share some of what they said with you.
"I want you to know that you are a BEAUTIFUL child of God equipped with so, so many talents. You carry your friends burden's, pray and care for them like no one else I know, teach and are Jesus to SO MANY kids DAILY and yeah.. I could go on and on about the attributes that Jesus gave you, D. You are truly, truly beautiful inside and out and I hope you know that. (Dude, do you know how many people covet your fabo hair and super tan completion???)"
"I am not hopeless for you!...you truly are a wonderful and beautiful person. Phil. 1:6 (Message version). 'There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.'"
I am by no means sharing that to boast about myself, but to share how God speaks to us. He created us to be in relationship with other believers. These 2 friends have PROVEN that to me. When I am down, I know that God has placed people in my life as HIS tool. People that can speak HIS truth over me when I can't/won't hear his voice alone.
That is the super cool thing about God - HE knows what we need when we need it!
Sunday, May 03, 2009
at a loss...
Have you ever gone through times when you are at a loss for what to do?
I have reached that point with some things.
I am a person who wants to know NOW! I don't like to wait. I don't like to be in the unknown. I don't like to get to the end of me.
But, I find that those are the times when God does amazing things.
Right now, I am struggling. I'm watching so many people give into satan and sin. I'm seeing so many friends reach a point of hopelessness. I'm at a loss for what to do. Pray is what I do, but I don't even know what to pray anymore.
I am a flood of emotions: joy for the positive moments, anger at their decisions, frustration from not knowing how to help, sadness for the pain that is so evident.
Lord, you know all. You know hearts, you know choices, you know the way the enemy can sink his teeth in. I'm begging you to make your presence known in these lives. Let your love pour over them. Lord, open their eyes and hearts to YOU. For you are the mightly healer. Only you can satisfy. And help those of us who care to believe that you are in control.
I have reached that point with some things.
I am a person who wants to know NOW! I don't like to wait. I don't like to be in the unknown. I don't like to get to the end of me.
But, I find that those are the times when God does amazing things.
Right now, I am struggling. I'm watching so many people give into satan and sin. I'm seeing so many friends reach a point of hopelessness. I'm at a loss for what to do. Pray is what I do, but I don't even know what to pray anymore.
I am a flood of emotions: joy for the positive moments, anger at their decisions, frustration from not knowing how to help, sadness for the pain that is so evident.
Lord, you know all. You know hearts, you know choices, you know the way the enemy can sink his teeth in. I'm begging you to make your presence known in these lives. Let your love pour over them. Lord, open their eyes and hearts to YOU. For you are the mightly healer. Only you can satisfy. And help those of us who care to believe that you are in control.
Monday, April 27, 2009
All I Want to Know is Christ
I had the pleasure of visiting Kalyn and Hannah at Taylor University. I was even blessed enough to get to go to chapel with them. The speaker was a man from Scotland.
I can’t remember his credentials. I don’t remember the title of his address. I can’t tell you all of the key points that he made. BUT, I can tell you one thing that I heard that just rocked my socks.
It is a passage of scripture that I have read countless times, memorized, and taught from. Today I heard the same verses in a different version (Good News Bible) and I was blown away.
Philippians 3:10
“All I want to know is Christ…”
Did you catch what that is saying?! Did you hear what Paul is proclaiming?! Do you see the stand that he is taking?! ALL HE WANTS TO KNOW IS CHRIST! I can’t wrap my mind around it!
The version I have always read and studied is from the New International Version: “I want to know Christ…” Can you see how this different version puts a new perspective on things?
I’m teaching about the American Revolution right now with my 5th graders. We are talking about the proclamations were made then: “Give me liberty or give me death!” “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes!” These were not said in simple passing. These were not merely spoken just to be said. These were proclaimed and the people that said these things lived it out.
To proclaim “All I want to know is Christ” is more than just opening our mouths and speaking words. It is a life. It is a daily choice. It is a denial of one’s self. It is complete surrender of all control. It is humility.
I want to know a lot of things. But if I don’t want to know Christ, first and foremost, what good is wanting to know the lots of other things?
I can’t remember his credentials. I don’t remember the title of his address. I can’t tell you all of the key points that he made. BUT, I can tell you one thing that I heard that just rocked my socks.
It is a passage of scripture that I have read countless times, memorized, and taught from. Today I heard the same verses in a different version (Good News Bible) and I was blown away.
Philippians 3:10
“All I want to know is Christ…”
Did you catch what that is saying?! Did you hear what Paul is proclaiming?! Do you see the stand that he is taking?! ALL HE WANTS TO KNOW IS CHRIST! I can’t wrap my mind around it!
The version I have always read and studied is from the New International Version: “I want to know Christ…” Can you see how this different version puts a new perspective on things?
“All I want to know is Christ” is a powerful proclamation. And I don’t know if I could proclaim that. I mean, I could. I can say it right now in the middle of Starbucks (grande vanilla latte). I could tell people as I see them, “Hey, all I want to know is Christ.” I would probably get some crazy looks. I might get an “amen” or “go for it” or “good luck with that.” But to proclaim that all I want to know is Christ is something completely different.
I’m teaching about the American Revolution right now with my 5th graders. We are talking about the proclamations were made then: “Give me liberty or give me death!” “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes!” These were not said in simple passing. These were not merely spoken just to be said. These were proclaimed and the people that said these things lived it out.
To proclaim “All I want to know is Christ” is more than just opening our mouths and speaking words. It is a life. It is a daily choice. It is a denial of one’s self. It is complete surrender of all control. It is humility.
I want to know a lot of things. But if I don’t want to know Christ, first and foremost, what good is wanting to know the lots of other things?
Suffering
“But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God.” (2 Tim 1:8b)
I’m reading 2 Timothy and was hit hard with this verse. So many questions came to mind.
What does it mean to suffer for the gospel?
Is this suffering the same for everyone?
Am I suffering for the gospel?
What do I need to do to suffer for the gospel?
I wrestled with this verse. Some days I feel as if I go through the day with no NEED for Jesus. I am in complete control of every aspect of my day: my travel, my job, my time with people – everything. Then I read this verse and realize that I am called to suffer for the gospel! How do I do that when I’m not even sure what it means?! Like today, what have I done that has caused me to suffer for the gospel of Jesus? Or what will I do for that matter?
I asked some of my peeps what on earth Paul meant by this verse. Basically it is literal suffering and hardships. Let’s look at the ministry that Jesus lived on this earth. He was homeless. He hung out with the “wrong crowd.” He was questioned constantly. He was tempted. He was beaten. He was nailed to a cross. He suffered.
Look at the life of the disciples. They left everything that was familiar to them to follow Jesus. They were questioned, ridiculed, shunned, and (several of them) martyred. That is literal suffering and hardships.
The crazy part of this is that they CHOSE this life! Jesus, his disciples, Moses, Abraham, Paul, John, the list goes on – they all suffered (literally) for the gospel. They heard the call of God and CHOSE to follow it. They relied on God to get them through and had their hope in Jesus. Nothing that they went through was too much, because it was all for the glory of the Lord. It was all to give testimony to the work that God was doing.
So, I go back to the earlier questions:
What does it mean to suffer for the gospel? From what I have read and heard, it means hardship. It means putting me out there for Jesus. It means struggling…literally.
Is this suffering the same for everyone? Absolutely not. However, we can share our sufferings in that they are for Jesus. We can listen, learn, console, and encourage one another in our sufferings.
Am I suffering for the gospel? I would have to say that I’m not sure. Sometimes I’m just sure I am. But, my life is not a life of hardship or suffering. Today, I feel as though I am just because of the wrestling in my heart to learn what it means to suffer.
What do I need to do to suffer for the gospel? I need to live beyond myself. I need to step out in faith MORE! I need to put myself in uncomfortable places and circumstances. I need to stand up for Jesus more than I do. I need to rely on God and the truth that HE has his best for me.
I’m reading 2 Timothy and was hit hard with this verse. So many questions came to mind.
What does it mean to suffer for the gospel?
Is this suffering the same for everyone?
Am I suffering for the gospel?
What do I need to do to suffer for the gospel?
I wrestled with this verse. Some days I feel as if I go through the day with no NEED for Jesus. I am in complete control of every aspect of my day: my travel, my job, my time with people – everything. Then I read this verse and realize that I am called to suffer for the gospel! How do I do that when I’m not even sure what it means?! Like today, what have I done that has caused me to suffer for the gospel of Jesus? Or what will I do for that matter?
I asked some of my peeps what on earth Paul meant by this verse. Basically it is literal suffering and hardships. Let’s look at the ministry that Jesus lived on this earth. He was homeless. He hung out with the “wrong crowd.” He was questioned constantly. He was tempted. He was beaten. He was nailed to a cross. He suffered.
Look at the life of the disciples. They left everything that was familiar to them to follow Jesus. They were questioned, ridiculed, shunned, and (several of them) martyred. That is literal suffering and hardships.
The crazy part of this is that they CHOSE this life! Jesus, his disciples, Moses, Abraham, Paul, John, the list goes on – they all suffered (literally) for the gospel. They heard the call of God and CHOSE to follow it. They relied on God to get them through and had their hope in Jesus. Nothing that they went through was too much, because it was all for the glory of the Lord. It was all to give testimony to the work that God was doing.
So, I go back to the earlier questions:
What does it mean to suffer for the gospel? From what I have read and heard, it means hardship. It means putting me out there for Jesus. It means struggling…literally.
Is this suffering the same for everyone? Absolutely not. However, we can share our sufferings in that they are for Jesus. We can listen, learn, console, and encourage one another in our sufferings.
Am I suffering for the gospel? I would have to say that I’m not sure. Sometimes I’m just sure I am. But, my life is not a life of hardship or suffering. Today, I feel as though I am just because of the wrestling in my heart to learn what it means to suffer.
What do I need to do to suffer for the gospel? I need to live beyond myself. I need to step out in faith MORE! I need to put myself in uncomfortable places and circumstances. I need to stand up for Jesus more than I do. I need to rely on God and the truth that HE has his best for me.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
God Loving Ordinary Women
Just a quick note:
I am part of a women's ministry at church called GLOW (God Loving Ordinary Women). There is a link to our blog on the side. Just wanted to let you all know. There are six of us who post on there. We all come from different backgrounds with one common purpose - to spread the love of Jesus.
I just wanted to let you all know.
Much love, Dina
I am part of a women's ministry at church called GLOW (God Loving Ordinary Women). There is a link to our blog on the side. Just wanted to let you all know. There are six of us who post on there. We all come from different backgrounds with one common purpose - to spread the love of Jesus.
I just wanted to let you all know.
Much love, Dina
Monday, April 20, 2009
A Great Day
Today was a great day! I woke up tired (see previous post noting time it was posted). I think I got about 5 hours of sleep. But, right as I remember falling asleep, I prayed that God would let the little amount of rest be enough to get me through the day. HE did! I love my God!
Nothing super significant happened today, it was just a good day. First off, I got to spend the day teaching...AND I LOVE MY JOB! I know so many people who do not have joy at their place of work. I can honestly say that I love my job. I look forward to each new day. I wonder what it will bring. And I genuinely enjoy my students. They are some of the coolest 10 and 11 year olds that I know.
So, what made today so great...Well we started a unit on the American Revoluntion in Social Studies. We are doing some things different and the kids were overall excited. This is one of my most favorite parts of US History. Also, we started our Poetry unit in Writing. I love teaching poetry to kids. This is my 3rd year teaching poetry and it amazes me what comes out of kids. I plan on sharing some of the things they write.
After school I worked out - my thighs are on fire. I spent some time with Robin. I had a good dinner and conversation with Tim. I watched the news (which I love to do). I did some grading, including reading letters from some of my kids about what they are reading. I emailed some people, chatted with some of my former youth kids on facebook, and spent time with Jesus.
Again, there wasn't anything super significant to my day. It was a just a blessing of a day and it was good. I love days like this. They are like a little piece of candy from God, just the right amount of sweet.
Nothing super significant happened today, it was just a good day. First off, I got to spend the day teaching...AND I LOVE MY JOB! I know so many people who do not have joy at their place of work. I can honestly say that I love my job. I look forward to each new day. I wonder what it will bring. And I genuinely enjoy my students. They are some of the coolest 10 and 11 year olds that I know.
So, what made today so great...Well we started a unit on the American Revoluntion in Social Studies. We are doing some things different and the kids were overall excited. This is one of my most favorite parts of US History. Also, we started our Poetry unit in Writing. I love teaching poetry to kids. This is my 3rd year teaching poetry and it amazes me what comes out of kids. I plan on sharing some of the things they write.
After school I worked out - my thighs are on fire. I spent some time with Robin. I had a good dinner and conversation with Tim. I watched the news (which I love to do). I did some grading, including reading letters from some of my kids about what they are reading. I emailed some people, chatted with some of my former youth kids on facebook, and spent time with Jesus.
Again, there wasn't anything super significant to my day. It was a just a blessing of a day and it was good. I love days like this. They are like a little piece of candy from God, just the right amount of sweet.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Do We Really Get It?
I was getting ready to go to bed and my mind is just too busy. I have this "problem" every now and then - my mind gets to racing and I have to get my thoughts out. Normally I would write in my journal, but I left it in my Jeep. So, my thoughts shall get posted here.
Let's see...my day today was busy: blogged this morning (on a private - soon to be public - blog), went to church, stopped by home quick, went to a cookout/6-year-old's bday party, ran back home for 45 minutes, went to a 4 and 2-year old's bday party, hung out with my other mom, came home at 9:30. That is the day in a nutshell.
Church got me stirred up (as if I needed anymore to do that). J preached and his sermon title was "Unreasonable". The gist of the sermon was exceptional generosity - what we are called to give as followers of Jesus. Let me tell you, he spoke truth, he made me uncomfortable with how little I am giving, and he challenged me. So many times we "christians" quote scripture saying that we need to "give 10%" of things. J put it well...10% is the minimum. God wants it all, 24/7, everything that we have. As I listened to the sermon I wondered, "Do I really get this?"
I celebrated some pretty awesome kids today at their bday parties. But, as I sat there in the midst of presents, food, mindless chatter, I had to wonder. At one party I was blessed to see and hear a friend who has been doing missions in several countries. She was talking about ministering to prostitutes in the red light district in a city in Thailand. There we all sat, enjoying the securities that we have and I wondered, "Do I really get what Jenn is doing? Do I grasp the depth of the crap that she is seeing?" I found that I just wanted to break down and cry, but it wasn't the time or place for that (so I did it in my car as I drove away later).
I spent time with my "other" mom, Kimmy. I haven't sat and talked with she and her husband in a long time. I can honestly say that every time I am with them, I am filled with joy. I can be myself and talk and know that I am loved. We talked about everything; what we are reading, what we have been doing, families, etc. We laughed and just purely enjoyed the company of each other. I left there happy but questioning, "Do I really understand the importance of these relationships? Do I understand that Jesus has built this relationship to what it is? Do I give HIM praise for these people in my life?
I don't want to downplay my day. It was a great day and I am blessed by the relationships that I have , the kids I celebrated, the WORD that was preached, and the home that I have. But there is so much more going on around me. Do I get it? Do I understand that not everyone lives a happy, comfortable life? Do I realize that there are people in my personal life, my community, kids in my class that can't comprehend the blessings that I too often take for granted?
Just what is on my mind tonight. I thought I would share. Praying that God would open my eyes more and break my heart more. Praying that I would give more, give all that I am and have to God.
Let's see...my day today was busy: blogged this morning (on a private - soon to be public - blog), went to church, stopped by home quick, went to a cookout/6-year-old's bday party, ran back home for 45 minutes, went to a 4 and 2-year old's bday party, hung out with my other mom, came home at 9:30. That is the day in a nutshell.
Church got me stirred up (as if I needed anymore to do that). J preached and his sermon title was "Unreasonable". The gist of the sermon was exceptional generosity - what we are called to give as followers of Jesus. Let me tell you, he spoke truth, he made me uncomfortable with how little I am giving, and he challenged me. So many times we "christians" quote scripture saying that we need to "give 10%" of things. J put it well...10% is the minimum. God wants it all, 24/7, everything that we have. As I listened to the sermon I wondered, "Do I really get this?"
I celebrated some pretty awesome kids today at their bday parties. But, as I sat there in the midst of presents, food, mindless chatter, I had to wonder. At one party I was blessed to see and hear a friend who has been doing missions in several countries. She was talking about ministering to prostitutes in the red light district in a city in Thailand. There we all sat, enjoying the securities that we have and I wondered, "Do I really get what Jenn is doing? Do I grasp the depth of the crap that she is seeing?" I found that I just wanted to break down and cry, but it wasn't the time or place for that (so I did it in my car as I drove away later).
I spent time with my "other" mom, Kimmy. I haven't sat and talked with she and her husband in a long time. I can honestly say that every time I am with them, I am filled with joy. I can be myself and talk and know that I am loved. We talked about everything; what we are reading, what we have been doing, families, etc. We laughed and just purely enjoyed the company of each other. I left there happy but questioning, "Do I really understand the importance of these relationships? Do I understand that Jesus has built this relationship to what it is? Do I give HIM praise for these people in my life?
I don't want to downplay my day. It was a great day and I am blessed by the relationships that I have , the kids I celebrated, the WORD that was preached, and the home that I have. But there is so much more going on around me. Do I get it? Do I understand that not everyone lives a happy, comfortable life? Do I realize that there are people in my personal life, my community, kids in my class that can't comprehend the blessings that I too often take for granted?
Just what is on my mind tonight. I thought I would share. Praying that God would open my eyes more and break my heart more. Praying that I would give more, give all that I am and have to God.
Friday, April 10, 2009
An Uncomfortable Wrestling Match
I don't really know what to title this one...so I'm not going to title it. I just can't seem to find the right words. And, forgive me now if this post wanders and I seem a little ADD. I have a lot going on in my brain and I can't keep it to myself any longer. So, for those of you who actually do read this, I hope it stirs you and causes discomfort.
I just finished reading The Shack. I won't give anything away, but I highly recommend this book for ANYONE to read. It is on the New York Times best seller list, it is fiction, and I have never read anything that so clearly portrayed the relationship we are to have with the trinity. The story takes you through a man's struggle to forgive and understand why. I was moved to tears, laughter, anger, questions, and a deep desire to grow in my relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. My eyes were opened to how close-minded I am in my walk with God. More importantly, my eyes were opened to how . . . looking for the right word . . . clouded the church is to what relationships and love and forgiveness and fellowship and worship are really about.
One of the first things I tell people about my testimony is that I wasn't "brought up in the church" or that I didn't grow up in a "christian" home. But, I am realizing that doesn't matter. I was raised to love, care about human beings, not judge, and live with good morals. Truth be told, I was raised better than many people who were brought up in the church or grew up in a christian home. Don't get me wrong, I know lots of people who were raised well in the church and christian homes. But I also know many who have turned from God because of being raised in the church or in a so-called christian home. What is my point? God doesn't care about it! He cares about the here and now. He cares about us growing closer to him, attempting to understand a little more every day, giving up ourselves daily, trusting HIM 24/7.
Those were my thoughts when I finished The Shack. Today I started reading Irresistible Revolution. I haven't been able to put it down for long. I am intrigued. I am stirred. I am feeling forced to look at my life in alignment with the Gospel, with what God has spoken to my heart, with what I know to be true of Jesus and the sacrifice that he made for this world. Let me tell you - IT IS NOT COMFORTABLE! I like to feel in control, to have a plan, to know what is coming at me tomorrow, to be in a routine. Well, that is not a life of faith. So, I wrestle with what is important to me right now: a safe plan or a life of faith. Not an easy wrestling match. Honestly I hope I lose this one. I hope that Jesus pins me and beats me up in the process. That is what I need right now.
I think of the account of Jacob wrestling with God (found in Genesis 32:22-30). Jacob wrestled through the night and was given a new name, Israel, because of this. What is the new name God has for me? What is the purpose in wrestling with safety versus faith? Why is living by faith so incredibly difficult for me? For the church? For humans?
(I just thougth of a title. So, if you are reading this and wondering why I said at the beginning I didn't have a title, well I didn't have one at first. It just came to me...)
Back on track . . . Well, I lost my train of thought. I guess I just wonder if I am trying more and more every day to live by faith, to trust God with my whole life and not just parts of it, giving up control and safety, willing to go wherever God wants me, and showing people that I truly love Jesus with all my heart.
I would love to hear your stories of wrestling. I have a friend who shares her stories with me often and I am encouraged. I hope you are encouraged by this. More importantly I hope you are challenged to be in an uncomfortable wrestling match.
I just finished reading The Shack. I won't give anything away, but I highly recommend this book for ANYONE to read. It is on the New York Times best seller list, it is fiction, and I have never read anything that so clearly portrayed the relationship we are to have with the trinity. The story takes you through a man's struggle to forgive and understand why. I was moved to tears, laughter, anger, questions, and a deep desire to grow in my relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. My eyes were opened to how close-minded I am in my walk with God. More importantly, my eyes were opened to how . . . looking for the right word . . . clouded the church is to what relationships and love and forgiveness and fellowship and worship are really about.
One of the first things I tell people about my testimony is that I wasn't "brought up in the church" or that I didn't grow up in a "christian" home. But, I am realizing that doesn't matter. I was raised to love, care about human beings, not judge, and live with good morals. Truth be told, I was raised better than many people who were brought up in the church or grew up in a christian home. Don't get me wrong, I know lots of people who were raised well in the church and christian homes. But I also know many who have turned from God because of being raised in the church or in a so-called christian home. What is my point? God doesn't care about it! He cares about the here and now. He cares about us growing closer to him, attempting to understand a little more every day, giving up ourselves daily, trusting HIM 24/7.
Those were my thoughts when I finished The Shack. Today I started reading Irresistible Revolution. I haven't been able to put it down for long. I am intrigued. I am stirred. I am feeling forced to look at my life in alignment with the Gospel, with what God has spoken to my heart, with what I know to be true of Jesus and the sacrifice that he made for this world. Let me tell you - IT IS NOT COMFORTABLE! I like to feel in control, to have a plan, to know what is coming at me tomorrow, to be in a routine. Well, that is not a life of faith. So, I wrestle with what is important to me right now: a safe plan or a life of faith. Not an easy wrestling match. Honestly I hope I lose this one. I hope that Jesus pins me and beats me up in the process. That is what I need right now.
I think of the account of Jacob wrestling with God (found in Genesis 32:22-30). Jacob wrestled through the night and was given a new name, Israel, because of this. What is the new name God has for me? What is the purpose in wrestling with safety versus faith? Why is living by faith so incredibly difficult for me? For the church? For humans?
(I just thougth of a title. So, if you are reading this and wondering why I said at the beginning I didn't have a title, well I didn't have one at first. It just came to me...)
Back on track . . . Well, I lost my train of thought. I guess I just wonder if I am trying more and more every day to live by faith, to trust God with my whole life and not just parts of it, giving up control and safety, willing to go wherever God wants me, and showing people that I truly love Jesus with all my heart.
I would love to hear your stories of wrestling. I have a friend who shares her stories with me often and I am encouraged. I hope you are encouraged by this. More importantly I hope you are challenged to be in an uncomfortable wrestling match.
Ramblings...
It is Spring Break.
I went to the East Coast.
I spent a day touring some of the sights that formed our great country.
I saw some beautiful Vermont country.
I read a fantastic book - The Shack.
I met 10 amazing teenage girls.
I was reminded of the importance of relationship with people.
I was blessed by my friend Sara.
I watched my Lady Huskies win a National Championship.
I drank some great coffee and some great beer.
I missed the way things used to be.
I thought about life.
I watched "Slumdog Millionaire" and was moved.
I realized how much I really do have.
I started reading my Bible every day (for the 198th time).
I questioned God.
I spent hours traveling.
I hung out with some cool people.
I bought a Vermont hoodie.
I listened to good music.
I ate some great food.
I listened to some awesome Boston accents.
I conversed with Jesus lots.
I slept in.
I started another book - Irresistible Revolution.
I looked at books with dad.
I talked on the phone with mom.
I sent a lot of text messages.
I struggled.
I missed my kids.
I am challenged.
I consider if my life is reflective of the relationship I have with Jesus.
I wonder what I am doing every day that requires faith.
I look forward to time with a friend tomorrow.
I go back to school on Monday.
I start teaching on the American Revolution in a little over a week.
I wrestle with where God is wanting me to go.
I love.
I went to the East Coast.
I spent a day touring some of the sights that formed our great country.
I saw some beautiful Vermont country.
I read a fantastic book - The Shack.
I met 10 amazing teenage girls.
I was reminded of the importance of relationship with people.
I was blessed by my friend Sara.
I watched my Lady Huskies win a National Championship.
I drank some great coffee and some great beer.
I missed the way things used to be.
I thought about life.
I watched "Slumdog Millionaire" and was moved.
I realized how much I really do have.
I started reading my Bible every day (for the 198th time).
I questioned God.
I spent hours traveling.
I hung out with some cool people.
I bought a Vermont hoodie.
I listened to good music.
I ate some great food.
I listened to some awesome Boston accents.
I conversed with Jesus lots.
I slept in.
I started another book - Irresistible Revolution.
I looked at books with dad.
I talked on the phone with mom.
I sent a lot of text messages.
I struggled.
I missed my kids.
I am challenged.
I consider if my life is reflective of the relationship I have with Jesus.
I wonder what I am doing every day that requires faith.
I look forward to time with a friend tomorrow.
I go back to school on Monday.
I start teaching on the American Revolution in a little over a week.
I wrestle with where God is wanting me to go.
I love.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Crazy Love
So I'm reading this book, Crazy Love by Francis Chan, with our senior high small groups at church. I have mixed emotions about this book. The gist of the book is God's crazy love for us and how we need to share that with others....be Jesus to the world, if you will. The mix comes with a deep-down passion to do just that, love like Jesus loves, but I have a fear of what loving someone like that will do to me.
I have learned SO MUCH about love over the past few months. (those of you that read this blog or talk with me know exactly what I'm talking about.) And I am completely blown away by God's unfailing love. I can't believe how God constantly pours his love out on me, on those around me, on those who don't even acknowledge him. And, all He wants in return, is for us to share that love with others.
Now, when I love, I love all-out. I love my family, my friends, my students, the youth....I love them. I do my best to show that love. But, I'm wrestling with when I love, is it really (I mean REALLY) unconditional? Do I love people when they aren't easy to love? Do I hide from love when it hurts? Do I love the "unloveable"?
I get caught up in the way the world defines love - love when it benefits me. Love if I will get some glory out of it. Love if it makes me look good. Love because others are watching. And wouldn't you know, just when I get comfy with my conditions on love, God throws a curveball. He puts somenone in my path that I want to avoid, but I can't help but love them. It could be a friend, foe, or complete stranger. It ticks me off sometimes because it is never convenient.
Then I remember God's crazy love for me. He doesn't have to love me. But, he chooses to love me. And I'm sure I'm not easy to love all the time. In fact, I know I'm not! That is the example that we have to follow: to lay ourselves aside and love.
Because that is what God does for us.
I have learned SO MUCH about love over the past few months. (those of you that read this blog or talk with me know exactly what I'm talking about.) And I am completely blown away by God's unfailing love. I can't believe how God constantly pours his love out on me, on those around me, on those who don't even acknowledge him. And, all He wants in return, is for us to share that love with others.
Now, when I love, I love all-out. I love my family, my friends, my students, the youth....I love them. I do my best to show that love. But, I'm wrestling with when I love, is it really (I mean REALLY) unconditional? Do I love people when they aren't easy to love? Do I hide from love when it hurts? Do I love the "unloveable"?
I get caught up in the way the world defines love - love when it benefits me. Love if I will get some glory out of it. Love if it makes me look good. Love because others are watching. And wouldn't you know, just when I get comfy with my conditions on love, God throws a curveball. He puts somenone in my path that I want to avoid, but I can't help but love them. It could be a friend, foe, or complete stranger. It ticks me off sometimes because it is never convenient.
Then I remember God's crazy love for me. He doesn't have to love me. But, he chooses to love me. And I'm sure I'm not easy to love all the time. In fact, I know I'm not! That is the example that we have to follow: to lay ourselves aside and love.
Because that is what God does for us.
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Threes about Me
Kevin tagged me, so here goes (I'm such a nerd too because I love doing these):
Three jobs I have had in my life: grounds crew, school bus cleaning, young adults leader at church
Three movies I would watch over and over: Shawshank Redemption, Grumpy Old Men, Tommy Boy
Three shows that I watch: Biggest Loser, The Office, Bones
Three places I have been: 1. Mena, Arkansas 2. Sydney Australia 3. Doma Zimbabwe
Three of my favorite foods: potatoes, break, pizza
Three places I'd rather be right now: Colorado, sleeping in bed, on a hot beach
Three things I am looking forward to this year: mission trip to Alabama, buying a house, having a student teacher (in the fall)
Three jobs I would love to have: college bball coach, professor, house parent for children's home
I'm going to tag Darcy, Jess, Niki
Three jobs I have had in my life: grounds crew, school bus cleaning, young adults leader at church
Three movies I would watch over and over: Shawshank Redemption, Grumpy Old Men, Tommy Boy
Three shows that I watch: Biggest Loser, The Office, Bones
Three places I have been: 1. Mena, Arkansas 2. Sydney Australia 3. Doma Zimbabwe
Three of my favorite foods: potatoes, break, pizza
Three places I'd rather be right now: Colorado, sleeping in bed, on a hot beach
Three things I am looking forward to this year: mission trip to Alabama, buying a house, having a student teacher (in the fall)
Three jobs I would love to have: college bball coach, professor, house parent for children's home
I'm going to tag Darcy, Jess, Niki
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Tat update
Just wanted to say that my tattoo is healing very well. A little itchy, but doing great.
Also, I can't believe the comments I have had about it.....both on here and on my facebook.
It amazes me how we, in our human-ness, are so quick to give our opinion on something without knowing the full story. I have had several comments on facebook or in person of people expressing their.......dislike of tattoos. The great thing about that is that I get to share a piece of my personal testimony with them. If they mention something on facebook, I send them to my blog post about it. If I meet them in person I get to share with them, one-on-one.
Funny how God works. I got this tattoo as a very personal reminder of HIS love for me. And by having that reminder, I get to share HIS love with others.
Sure, I don't expect everyone to have the same opinion I do about tattoos. And I'm certainly not trying to judge those who do or don't have them. I'm just being bold enough to say that before we pass judgement, we need to seek out more of the story.
Jesus was a perfect example of this. Think of the accounts in the Gospels where Jesus "ran into" someone who was socially unacceptable. Do we read about him passing judgement (when he very well had the right to....I mean, he is God in flesh)? Do we read about him pointing fingers and telling all his friends about the outcast? Do we read about him blasting people with hatred? NO, NO, NO. We read about love. Love of God's children. Love of the lost. Love of the hurting. Love of our brothers and sisters.
So, a reminder for all of us (me too), be quick to LOVE and slow to judge.
Also, I can't believe the comments I have had about it.....both on here and on my facebook.
It amazes me how we, in our human-ness, are so quick to give our opinion on something without knowing the full story. I have had several comments on facebook or in person of people expressing their.......dislike of tattoos. The great thing about that is that I get to share a piece of my personal testimony with them. If they mention something on facebook, I send them to my blog post about it. If I meet them in person I get to share with them, one-on-one.
Funny how God works. I got this tattoo as a very personal reminder of HIS love for me. And by having that reminder, I get to share HIS love with others.
Sure, I don't expect everyone to have the same opinion I do about tattoos. And I'm certainly not trying to judge those who do or don't have them. I'm just being bold enough to say that before we pass judgement, we need to seek out more of the story.
Jesus was a perfect example of this. Think of the accounts in the Gospels where Jesus "ran into" someone who was socially unacceptable. Do we read about him passing judgement (when he very well had the right to....I mean, he is God in flesh)? Do we read about him pointing fingers and telling all his friends about the outcast? Do we read about him blasting people with hatred? NO, NO, NO. We read about love. Love of God's children. Love of the lost. Love of the hurting. Love of our brothers and sisters.
So, a reminder for all of us (me too), be quick to LOVE and slow to judge.
Sunday, January 04, 2009
New Thoughts for a New Year
Cliche', I know. But, it is true. I wrote these down while eating breakfast on January 1 (and continued them on January 2). I debated whether or not to share my personal thoughts. This morning I was reading back through my journal, something I do often. I felt a nudge to share my new thoughts as this new year began. No doubt they will dig at people. I felt uncomfortable writing them and still felt uncomfortable as I read them this morning. I will let you decide for yourself.
It all started on New Year's Eve as J was giving a lesson to the youth. He said, "Have you ever reached such a low place that you wonder if it is all worth it? Not suicidal thoughts, but just wondered?" I began to realize right then, that this is kind of how I ended 2008 - wondering if it is worth it. I know that it is, but that doesn't make it easy. I'm constantly wondering what life has for me, how I can get what I want. Then I stop and remember . . . this life is not about me. It is about serving Jesus as best as I can. Then I think What is my best? What would it look like to serve Him the best that I can?"
I don't have the answer, but I know it is better than what I'm doing right now. I know it means continually giving my life, my whole life, over to the One who knows best. And that is hard - for whatever reason - it gets harder every day.
I'm sure it boils down to faith.
Simple, undamaged, raw faith.
Faith that doesn't want all the answers.
Faith that doesn't doubt that God has HIS best for me.
Faith that says, "I will go."
Jeremiah 9:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord."
It all started on New Year's Eve as J was giving a lesson to the youth. He said, "Have you ever reached such a low place that you wonder if it is all worth it? Not suicidal thoughts, but just wondered?" I began to realize right then, that this is kind of how I ended 2008 - wondering if it is worth it. I know that it is, but that doesn't make it easy. I'm constantly wondering what life has for me, how I can get what I want. Then I stop and remember . . . this life is not about me. It is about serving Jesus as best as I can. Then I think What is my best? What would it look like to serve Him the best that I can?"
I don't have the answer, but I know it is better than what I'm doing right now. I know it means continually giving my life, my whole life, over to the One who knows best. And that is hard - for whatever reason - it gets harder every day.
I'm sure it boils down to faith.
Simple, undamaged, raw faith.
Faith that doesn't want all the answers.
Faith that doesn't doubt that God has HIS best for me.
Faith that says, "I will go."
Jeremiah 9:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord."
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Tattoo Fun
This post is just to show you some fun that I had on Friday with some friends of mine. J, Roblyn, G-Pack, and Jenna accompanied me to get my sweet new tattoo. It was loads of fun.
Please check out the post after this one. It gives a little more of my thoughts about my tattoo.
And yes, it did hurt. LOTS! Hahaha!
The King is Enthralled....
"The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." (bold is mine)enthralled - to hold spellbound; captivate
That has been a pretty powerful verse for the past 2 years. If you have kept up with my blog recently, you know that I just finished reading Captivating. I first read it a little over 2 years ago. Life was great, but this verse struck me. It is a beautiful verse. It tells exactly how God feels about women.
But, what does this verse mean to me.....As you can see, it meant enough that I got it permanently place on my foot (and boy did it hurt!). This verse is a reminder for me. A reminder that God is enthralled with my beauty and, therefore, I need to honor him for that. But what does that mean, "honor him"? In my recent journey, it means letting God love me. It means loving myself because the creator of all that was, is, and is to come found it esential that I be made. In HIS image. For HIS purpose.
I have been reflecting so much lately on how my life honors God.
Sometimes, it doesn't. I can be 100%, completely honest to say that too. I have spent nights filling my body with poison. I have engaged in activities that bring NO glory to God. I have said things that have caused pain to God's children. I have committed sin that has caused others to sin.
But then, there are times when I feel that I am doing all and giving all to serving the Lord. And I can honestly say that those have been some of the hardest and most joyous times of my life.
What is the difference? My attitude. When I really sit back and consider God - well, I am baffled. Overjoyed at the true mystery of this amazing, loving, right, just, compassionate, graceful, merciful God that I can call on any time. And then I remember what Psalm 45:11 says, "The King is enthralled by your beauty..." That is awesome. No matter what I go through, the stumbles, the falls, the highs, the lows, the KING of Kings is enthralled by my beauty. He looks at me and calls me his daughter.
WOW...........
Monday, December 29, 2008
Let God Love
This title was SUPER easy to come up with, but has been my struggle for a long time. Let God love. Let Him love what you ask......me. It's that simple. And it seems strange that this is a struggle. I am a very loving person, and I know that is something people would say about me. And, for anyone that knows God, love comes straight from him. 1 John 4:16 says, "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God." So how is it that I am able to be a loving person and at the same time be a person that struggles to let God (who is love) love me?
I just finished reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. Here are my final comments:
I just finished reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. Here are my final comments:
I am blown away. I am most blown away with how much, how often God pours his unfailing love on me. My eyes were opened to why I long for love, relationships, comfort from people. that is who God created me, Dina Coverstone, to be. But, before it can happen with people, it MUST happen with God. He needs to be my main man, the one I run to in all circumstances.
So, I have been reflecting on my life since October when I really seemed to hit rock-bottom. I have been noting how God showed this unconditional, unfailing love to me and I want to share some things with you.
There are many other ways that God has loved on me, but these are some major things that couldn't be ignored. I have been learning so much about God's love. Some days it is a no-brainer and other days it is a struggle. The God of all creation (did you catch that) loves me. He loves me in a way that no one, no thing can ever love me. Now, if I would just let Him.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son..." -John 3:16
1. He loved on my through people. I have 3 friends who were in contact with me daily! It was inevitable that one of them would call or text me every day just to remind me of who I am, who
God created me to be, and that I was loved.
2. I live with 2 amazing friends right now that I can freely talk about my struggles and hopes and
dreams with. I do not doubt that God placed me here for this season as His hedge of protection
and encouragement.
3. I was able to go to Colorado over Thanksgiving to spend some time with my best friend and her
husband (hadn't seen then since June). Karissa and I were able to spend lots of time together
talking, laughing, and sharing some struggles with one another. And the best thing about it
all...she (nor Luke) did not condemn, frown, or bat an eye at what I shared with her. Instead, I was
encouraged and love in the midst of what I was going through. No better example of the love that
Jesus pours over us.
4. I saw the Rocky Mountains. How does God show His love through mountains. Well, if you have
seen them you know what I mean. If you haven't, you need to. As I was flying from Denver to
Dallas, I was completely captivated by these mountains. I could not stop staring out the window of
the plane. They were majestic. There was a slight covering of snow. They stretched as far as my
eyes could see. God did not have to make them, but he chose to reveal himself that way. He
loves us enough to make the earth a place of beauty.
5. I have spent so much time with my family. Despite the fact that most of them don't want anything
to do with God, they are very loving. I have never spent time with them and not felt loved for just
being Dina. Funny to me how that works, yet God knew I needed loved on.
6. Christmas Break. I have been able to spend time with some fabulous friends that I don't get to
see very often. It was so good to just love and be loved on by people.
God created me to be, and that I was loved.
2. I live with 2 amazing friends right now that I can freely talk about my struggles and hopes and
dreams with. I do not doubt that God placed me here for this season as His hedge of protection
and encouragement.
3. I was able to go to Colorado over Thanksgiving to spend some time with my best friend and her
husband (hadn't seen then since June). Karissa and I were able to spend lots of time together
talking, laughing, and sharing some struggles with one another. And the best thing about it
all...she (nor Luke) did not condemn, frown, or bat an eye at what I shared with her. Instead, I was
encouraged and love in the midst of what I was going through. No better example of the love that
Jesus pours over us.
4. I saw the Rocky Mountains. How does God show His love through mountains. Well, if you have
seen them you know what I mean. If you haven't, you need to. As I was flying from Denver to
Dallas, I was completely captivated by these mountains. I could not stop staring out the window of
the plane. They were majestic. There was a slight covering of snow. They stretched as far as my
eyes could see. God did not have to make them, but he chose to reveal himself that way. He
loves us enough to make the earth a place of beauty.
5. I have spent so much time with my family. Despite the fact that most of them don't want anything
to do with God, they are very loving. I have never spent time with them and not felt loved for just
being Dina. Funny to me how that works, yet God knew I needed loved on.
6. Christmas Break. I have been able to spend time with some fabulous friends that I don't get to
see very often. It was so good to just love and be loved on by people.
There are many other ways that God has loved on me, but these are some major things that couldn't be ignored. I have been learning so much about God's love. Some days it is a no-brainer and other days it is a struggle. The God of all creation (did you catch that) loves me. He loves me in a way that no one, no thing can ever love me. Now, if I would just let Him.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son..." -John 3:16
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)