I'm a Mama

I got a puppy! He is an 11-week old bullmastiff puppy. He weighs 30 pounds. He is the sweetest most precious thing in the world. I am absolutely in love. His name is Linus.

trying to trust

What a week! I am drained. In every aspect of my being, I am exhausted. It has been a week that has truly pushed home what Jesus meant when he said, "for they are not of the world anymore than I am of the world." I have never felt more out of place, or far from home.

From an earthquake in Haiti, to trials with students, to the longing for salvation of loved ones, to bewilderment with the "church", to attack after attack after attack from satan.....I am standing firm on one thing.

Jesus has overcome the world!

I'm okay with not having the answers. I'm okay with not knowing what tomorrow may bring. I'm okay with things getting turned up-side-down at the snap of a finger. I'm okay with the warfare. I'm okay because I know that my God is a God of power, might, grace, and love.

And I know that my God has everything under control.

And I know that my God will not leave me or forsake me.

And I know that my God provides rest for the weary.

And I know that in the end....my God is victorious.

A Love Like No Other

How can loving others be so hard?

This past week with my 7th grade girls we have been studying scripture about relationships. The "task" for the week was to read 8-10 different verses and write what they were telling us about relationships.

For whatever reason the following verses struck a chord in me in a new way:

¹²My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. ¹⁴You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. ¹⁷This is my command: Love each other.

I'm sure you recognize them....they are from John 15. This is one of my all-time favorite chapters in the Bible. "I am the vine, you are the branches...." "Remain in me...." Oh, I just love the truth that bleeds from this chapter. But, back on track, these verses about friendship and loving others just hit me at the core tonight.

I have 4 pretty great girls who are dealing with middle school just as we all have. Sure things have changed some but it all goes back to the whole "he said, she said, they said, I don't like him, I can't stand her, she is my bff........(you know the rest)." They struggle with where they belong and fitting in and trusting God and living out their faith.

Tonight, as we read John 15:12-17 my heart simply broke. It ached to help these girls realize how important it is to show love. It ached to open my eyes to the love that some of my very own students, friends, co-workers, and family need to see. God made more clear HIS unconditional love. Love that is so deep that he would come to earth and lay down his life for his friends.

I cannot comprehend that. I can honestly say that I'm not sure I would be willing to die for too many people, if any. I can also tell you that some days I don't feel like loving anyone, especially that difficult student or the stubborn family member or the kid that never stops talking or people who never have anything good to say. But, I know that is why God continually places them in my life. He is teaching me and growing me and molding me to be more like him.

To love like no other.

If you haven't read my "42 day challenge" please keep scrolling down.

42 Day Challenge

This has been on my mind. 42 days is 6 full weeks. 42 days from today will be Feb 21 (for me).

I'm challenging myself and those who read this to pick one person. One person who fits one of the following criteria:
1. they are not a believer
2. they are a believer, but have fallen away from their walk
3. a believer who is wavering in his/her faith

Now, have you chosen someone? Good. Pray for them for the next 42 days. (look at today's date - the date you are reading this - and count out 6 weeks) Pray for the person's relationship with the Lord. Pray for your time with that person. Pray that God would use you in that person's life. Pray that God would do a GOD-SIZED thing in that persons life. Write that person's name on notecards and place them where you will see them often, as a reminder. For example I will be putting one on my bathroom mirror, my coffee table, my desk at school, and in my jeep.

I will touch base here and there. I would love for you to keep me posted. I will be praying for you all. We have a kingdom to build....one prayer at a time.

An Object of Love

I am an avid reader, for those of you that didn't know. I try to only read one book at a time. However, this Christmas Break I am finishing 4 books. One book is about running, another is the 5th book in a series that my students wanted me to read (it has 13 books in all), one is a fiction book call Midnight Sun, and the other is The Ragamuffin Gospel. They are 4 VERY different styles, but I like them all.

The following is a post I did on the women's ministry blog that I also write on, GLOW (found off to the side under "links"). I don't know how many of you read this, that, or both. I wanted to share it. I would love to hear your feedback...

I just finished reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning, an eye-opener of a book. The gist of the book is living in the grace of God because we are objects of God's unfailing love. Not a light subject, but a rather simple one. The final chapter, "A Touch of Folly" might be the one that hit me the hardest.

I am still processing all the questions that Manning poses. They are questions that we, as Christ-followers, cannot ignore. Questions that we need to consider. Questions that we need to come face-to-face with. I want to share them with you. Do with them what you wish. My prayer is that you would take time to think, write, pray, seek answers to each question.

We live in a world that is pining for us. We live in a world that wants to pull us away from God. We live in a world where the focus is solely on "me" and what "I" can get. We live in a world where there is a battle for souls. The time is now to think about and respond to God and the call He has put on each of us...."Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."

Do you live each day in the blessed assurance that you have been saved by the unique grace of our Lord Jesus Christ?

After falling flat on your face, are you still firmly convinced that the fundamental structure of reality is not works but grace?

Are you moody and melancholy because you are still striving for the perfection that comes from your own efforts and not from faith in Jesus Christ?

Are you shocked and horrified when you fail?

Are you really aware that you don't have to change, grow, or be good to be loved?

Are you as certain of the triumph of good over evil as the fermentation of dough by yeast?

Though on a given day you may be more depressed than anything else, is the general orientation of you life toward peace and joy?

Are you diminished by other people's perception of you or your own definition of yourself?

Do you possess that touch of folly to transcend doubt, fear, and self-hatred and accept that you are accepted?

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts. More than that, I would love to know that these questions stirred you up. I would love to know that they made you dig deep into God's word, that you sought HIM out in a new way, that you found peace in the unfailing love of Abba.

First Christmas

This is my first Christmas in MY house! It is pretty cool too. I have been sleeping on the couch with the tree lights on. I woke up at 7 this morning and watched A Christmas Story, made some coffee, and here I sit blogging. I plan on spending some time with Jesus this morning as well.

I wonder, if this will become my "Christmas tradition"? I'm sure as I get married and have children things will change. I often wonder what my traditions will be. Right now I go to my parents' on Christmas Eve to celebrate with my family. I attend Christmas Eve service at church. My whole family meets at my cousin's house Christmas morning for brunch. Then we usually just hang out for the day.

So this, my first Christmas in my house, I want to start some traditions. I want my morning to be reflective upon the birth of Jesus. I want to really get my heart set on what this day is truly about.

^{Matthew 11}On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh.

My first Christmas.....may it be filled with worship and awe for Christ: who was born a baby, walked the earth as a man, was crucified for my sins, and raised to eternal life.

Blessed

I'm sitting in my house. I traveled to 4 colleges this weekend to visit some students. I have an amazing family. I have a job that I LOVE going to each and every day. I have friends that make my heart happy. I am loved and never doubt that.

I am serving a God who thinks I am beautiful and challenges me more and more every day that I live. He has been blessing me with encouraging words and love that I can't comprehend. He is always ready to take this relationship to the next level.

I am just getting another glimpse into the blessings that I have in my life.

And I am so thankful for them....

Texas, roller coaster ride, blessings, coffee

WARNING: This post may contain some incredibly random thoughts. The author claims ZERO responsibility for your thoughts going all over the map as you read this. If you feel ill from jumping topics too often, STOP, walk away from your computer, and return after a break. Once done reading, relax for a while. Kick your feet up and thank God for who HE is and what He has done for you.

So many things to include in this post, but I want to get it all out. I am currently in College Station, TX. It is home to Texas A&M, cowboys, over-sized trucks, and my dear friend AJ. The weather is amazing - 77 degrees, partly sunny, slight breeze, and the trees are still green. I have heard some of the thickest accents and witnessed one of the most ridiculous college sport training facilities ever!

I even went on a roller coaster ride, not a literal one but an emotional one. How do I describe this......? AJ is a very intentional person. She thinks deeply. She invests in relationships. She is going to throw Jesus in your face whether you are ready for it or not. She is going to challenge you and your relationship with Christ. She will call you out on ANYTHING that may be out of line of the way a Christ-follower should live. Hence the roller coaster ride. She had me read "Now and Not Yet" a great, great, great book about living as a single woman in the 21st century. She was on Chapter 11 when I got here on Friday. I spent all day yesterday reading to catch up. After reading chapter 8 ("The sense of callings") I was ready to throw the book at AJ and explode. All of the emotions of the past 2 months found their way out of me in one explosive case of word-vomit. I was speaking loudly, talking nonsense, making excuses, and crying. All the while I was trying to process everything going through my head, the stirrings and wrestlings, as AJ is throwing her 2 cents at me. Let me just say I didn't want to hear what she was saying. However, God did.

I felt better after getting it all out.

This morning, I woke up and spent some time on my face before the Lord. I was literally lying facedown as I listened to some of my favorite worship songs. I hadn't done that for a while. It was good. It was SO good. I felt like my thoughts were clear. I felt like I had regained a grasp on what is truly important in my life. I felt blessed, truly blessed, to be a single 29-year-old woman. This is something I haven't felt for a few months. And it was good.

AJ and I talked over some fantastic coffee this morning. We sat and just shared our thoughts. We were studying the Word, reading, journaling, and just investing in one another's lives. I don't do that too often with a fellow single. And I was blessed. I cannot describe how my heart felt. I just felt blessed. She had to work today, at Starbucks, so I brought stuff to do. Number one on the To-Do list was finish the book. AJ hooked me up with a french press of coffee and I got myself comfy and read. I finished the book. I wrote down so much from the book and just let God do His thing.

For the first time in months, I felt like God was present in my life. Present and working! My heart feels healed. My mind has a clearer focus. I want to share my closing thoughts after finishing this book:

That was ALOT to read and deal with in a VERY short amount of time. I definitely was not prepared to process it all, but it was good. I've spent more time with the Lord in 2 days than I have in weeks! It really reminded me of what is important. The important thing for me, right now in life, is to live in the comfort of the truth and love of Jesus. For Pete's sake, He gave his life for me. ME....I can't comprehend it, but it's okay. There is a gift of love, unconditional love that is available to me 24/7! Too often I get wrapped up in not having a "tangible" person to love me. Rather than realizing that God's love is incredibly tangible...it just doesn't always come in the form I want it to.

God's blessings don't always come in the form that we want. For that, I am ever so greatful. His form is always better than what I expected!

Single Living

I bought a house almost 5 months ago! I was super excited (and still am) to be a home-owner. It is the first time I have ever lived completely on my own: no parents, no roomies, no animals. It's just me. And I love it.....most of the time.

I guess the "I live totally by myself" thought hit me about a month and a half ago. It is quite the realization in all honesty. I am completely dependent upon myself. I don't have anyone to come home and gripe to on a bad day. I don't have anyone to come home and celebrate those super great days. I don't have anyone to talk to at home after a day of conversing with 10 and 11-year-olds. It is just me.

I get a little lonely.

Then I get down in the dumps.

Then I have my own, private, pity party.

And I don't feel any better.

I am a relationship person. I enjoy the relationships in my life. I enjoy investing in the lives of my family, friends, and students. I feel alive when I am with others.

I have gotten pretty honked at God about my single living. "Why can't you give me a husband? Why are all of my close friends so far away? Why have you done this to me?!" These go through my head a few times a week.

And do you know how God replies?....

"Why can't you let me be enough for you?"

"Why don't you consider me a close friend?"

"Why have you done this to me?!"

Case in point....I'm not leaning on my Heavenly Father the way I need to. Maybe this season is meant for me to learn to be totally reliant upon HIM. Maybe this season is to teach me that God is all I need. Maybe this season is for putting God back at the forefront of who I am.

So, I am going to work on that. I am going to work on chatting with Him daily. I am going to work on making Him closer than a friend. I am going to work on Him being my everything.

I love you but.....

Do you ever feel this way about people? Do you put conditions on your love for others? Boy, I sure do. It is so hard not to, but God always opens my eyes.

I'm leading a new Bible study of 7th grade girls. We meet on Monday nights and are studying the Bible. There are 4 girls and I love them to pieces. I really look forward to Monday nights and the questions they will have, the scripture we are studying, and just being a part of their lives.

BUT........

I find that my human-ness gets easily frustrated. We had a sleepover. They totally did the teenager thing and destroyed my house. Nothing was broken or damaged, it just looked like a tornado had ravaged the inside of my house. And I found myself thinking, "I love you girls but could you seriously not be such pigs?!" I was really upset about it when they left Saturday.

So, I had the rest of the weekend to clean up and stew in my frustration. I prayed about how to address this issue. I vented to a few people. I went to God with questions. Was this really something I was ready for again?

Tonight, I talked to the girls. I addressed it out of love for them. You see, I am leading a Bible study. But I also want to be a good example to each of these girls - show them some lifeskills, help them grow in respect, and let them into my life. It is so hard, there is a fine line, and "I love you but...."

Yes I need to love on these girls, but I also need to be a role-model. I have been praying that my life would be a good model for them. That I can be someone they look up to. That they will see Jesus at work in and through me.

12 Years

It was exactly 12 years, 3 hours, and 36 minutes ago that I gave my life to Jesus. I was laying on the couch in Sara Frantz's living room. I had been going to a Bible study for about a year and attending Milford Christian Church. I had spent a year learning, questioning, fighting, searching, and growing. I don't think I will ever forget the final statement that turned the light on in my brain. Sara looked at me and said, "Let's say you accept Jesus, he isn't real, you die, and rot 6 feet under for ever. OR, let's say you accept Jesus, he is real, and you spend eternity in a place noone can even imagine." I let that all sink in deep and was silent for about 10 minutes. Finally at 4:00 am on October 30, 1997 I gave my life to Jesus. It was the turning point of my heart and soul.

12 years later, looking back, I cannot believe the places God has taken me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I wanted to share a list with you all to commemorate this day. It is a "12 things that I wouldn't have dreamed of having done before I gave my life to Jesus" list.

1. Going to Zimbabwe to work with a missionary serving AIDS orphans.
2. Leading a Bible study for 5.5 years.
3. Leading worship.
4. Talking to my dad about God.
5. Counseling at church camp (twice so far).
6. Leading others to Christ.
7. Starting a new Bible study of 7th graders.
8. Studying my Bible.
9. Laying hands on someone to pray.
10. Being single virgin at the age of 29.
11. Impacting the lives of teens for Jesus.
12. Speaking to others about my struggles.

I am blessed beyond words to be where I am today. I give all that glory to God, the Maker of heaven and earth. He used HIS people to get the message to me. For those people, I will forever be grateful. They never gave up on me just as Jesus would never give up on me.

This is a pretty joyful day for me and has been for the past 12 years. I'm reminded of the excitement as I woke up to go to basketball practice, 12 years ago, and tell my best friend what I had done. That same excitement creeps up in me every October 30th and I pray that it will continue to do that. That I will be reminded, not just on October 30th, every day the excitement that comes from knowing that I am a child of the Most High.

Psalm 118:14 "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

Making an Impact

I woke up at 5:45 this morning. If you will note the date of this post you will see that it is SATURDAY....and I didn't need to get up for anything.

Or so I thought.....

I woke up to find Mr. Holland's Opus on one of my movie channels. I love this movie. I love the message, I love the music, but I love it most because it is about a teacher. As I watched, I was moved to tears several times (if you haven't seen it, you should). I really began to reflect on myself and the talents and gifts that God has blessed me with.

I have the pleasure of working with kids, lots of kids. I am around kids ages 5-18 on a daily basis (and adults for that matter). It is the joy of being a teacher and youth volunteer. I am constantly interacting, teaching, talking, serving, and loving on kids. I have come to realize that God has molded me to be this person, a person of impact. Why he chose me, I will never understand, but he did. And for this I am blessed beyond measure.

Each day that I step into life I have an opportunity. We all do. God gives us each day to make an impact. The impact we make can send someone in the right or wrong direction. It can build them up or crush them. It can spur them on or stop them dead in their tracks. It can love or hate.

At the school where I work we begin each day with a moment of silence. My moment of silence is my time to pray: Jesus, help me to love these kids as you have so graciously loved me. It's nothing wordy, but it is the same every day. I am amazed at how God comes through each and every day.

Right now I have a student teacher and I am out of my classroom a lot. But, it has allowed me to interact with other students and teachers. It has allowed me to model for others. It has allowed me to see the impact that I have.

How are you impacting people? I would love to hear and pray for you.

I'll Pray for You

You've said that little 4-word phrase a gajillion times, haven't you? Me too. I actually said it this morning to a dear friend while chatting.

I'll pray for you.

OR

I will pray for your situation.

OR

I will have my _____________ (insert group name here) group from church pray about that for you.

I'm smirking as I recall the numerous times I have said this phrase and DIDN'T follow through.

I'll pray for you. When we say that, we are making a pretty important promise to someone. We are given an opportunity to minister or not. I'll pray for you means something when you are on the receiving end of the phrase. It means "hey, I care about you and know that God will get you through." Or "I have compassion on what you are going through my friend and I will present your request to God." OR "I know that the God I serve can help you through this and I am going to pray for you."

A specific verse comes to mind as I think about prayer. Phil 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (emphasis mine)

Did you let that verse sink in? If not, go back and reread it, allowing the words to settle deep within you. Did you do it this time? Did you see the 2 key words there?

with thanksgiving....

What a splendid display of God's grace that we get to come to him in prayer WHENEVER WE WANT TO! When we say, "I'll pray for you, " we are expressing our gratitude to God for the fact that we can come to him WHENEVER WE WANT TO because of the door that was opened through the death of his son on the cross.

I'll pray for you is not to be said lightly. When we say this we need to understand what that phrase truly is saying to the person. Most importantly, we need to follow through.

Here's my challenge to us all, myself included. The next time we say, "I'll pray for you, " do it right then and there. Pray with the person. Pull our car over to the side of the road and present that prayer, with thanksgiving, to God. Turn off the TV, close the computer screen, put down the book, close your Bible...STOP what we are doing and present that request to God. Whatever we do, we NEED TO FOLLOW THROUGH.

I Miss Running

hahahaha....I'm cracking up at my title because I honestly never thought that phrase would come out of ME!!!

I have been sick since Sunday and haven't been able to run for 4 days. If you've been keeping up with me you know that I started running about a month ago. I have worked my way up to a little over 1 mile at a time. My goal is to run around Syracuse Lake (5 miles) by next summer. So, I have been running 4-6 days a week. Being sick with sinus grossness tends to keep one from being able to breathe while sitting down, let alone while running.

And I miss running. I miss that 20 minutes of worship each day. I miss being outside. I miss that good sweat! I miss the time that I talk to Jesus. I miss the exhilirating feeling when I finish my run. I just miss it.

It is amazing how we are such creatures of habit. I am anxious to get back into my new habit. Hopefully this weekend I will be able to.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

I love this Psalm! It is so beautiful and it has been my prayer for a while now. When I say prayer, I mean that literally. I have been praying this Psalm to the Lord for a few months, not every day, but often. I love how The Message says verse 1..."God, invesitgate my life; get all the facts firsthand." WOW!!! There is no other that can do that. God is the ONLY one who can fully investigate our lives. He is the only one who knows us inside and out, before and behind, forever. I've been trying to wrap my mind around that....the infinite-ness of God.

Verses 13-16 are a constant reminder to me of my identity. It is in God, the maker and creator of me. He designed me exactly for HIS purpose. I have not been feeling this for the past few days. I really struggle to see myself through God's eyes. I see my self through blinders and lies. Blinders that hinder me to see the beauty of God that comes through my life. Lies that I am nothing and never will be, that no one wants me.

Moment of complete bareness for you readers:

Tuesday night was one of the lowest points I have reached in a long time. I have been running like crazy and working so hard to lose some weight. My clothes are noticeably looser, I feel better than I have since highschool bball, people have made comments about "the weight you must be losing". So, I braved the scale.......there it was, 258.6. I hated it! I was instantly fuming. I'm sure my blood pressure went through the roof!!!! I have been seeing numbers at or close to 260 for almost 2 years now every time I step on the scale. I have been working my BUTT off. I have spent money to go to the doctor and have tests done. I have completely changed my eating habits. I have begged and pleaded on my knees to the Lord to take this burden of weight from me. Then, I get on that stupid scale and am crushed. There is just no other word for how I felt physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I left school and cried....wept.....heaved.....lost my breathe in sorrow. I felt completely helpless and didn't know what to do.

I sent a text to 3 friends that said, "got on the scale today. no change to the weight. crying." Here is what I got back.....Jenna said, "I can imagine it is rough. I am praying for you. I think you are beautiful and you are amazing! Keep working hard" AJ said, "Don't let the enemy deafeat or discourage you...God is beyond any scale. You are loved friend!" Jamie called me just to make sure I was okay and to affirm me. Those were enough to get me moving and go for a run. And I ran hard....I was pissed!!!! I listened to my music, I ran hard, I repeated the words of my friends to myself over and over.

Later that night I journaled and was honest with myself and God. I can't really explain how I felt other than to say that I was overcome with a peace. A peace that can only come from God and the words of Psalm 139 filled me. I am a creation of the Most High. Nothing in my life can defeat HIM! No scale, no weight, no lie, no person can ever take that away from me. And I went to sleep.

Yes, it is a struggle. Yes, the lies are almost too much some days. Yes, the tears come easily most days. Yes, I stumble into the pit of lies. BUT MY GOD IS STRONG ENOUGH AND BIG ENOUGH TO PICK ME UP AND CARRY ME INTO HIS SAFETY.

"I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.....I know that full well."

Hmmmm......

It's Saturday afternoon....2:10pm.....I'm still in my pj's. I've been up for 4 hours. There is a movie on, laundry going, and a computer on my lap.

I've been catching up on my blog reading and a thought popped into my head. I can spend HOURS reading blogs, "stalking" peeps on facebook, searching sports news, emailing, and just wasting time on the internet.

I LOVE to read. I'm finishing the Chronicles of Narnia, reading through some professional books, and catching up on everything listed above. But, one thing I don't read much is my Bible.

Why is that? Why is it I can spend so much time, hours sometimes, reading everything but the ONE thing we need to read? I'm not doggin reading other stuff, but God's word is the "instruction manual" it is the book that can answer everything. There are lessons to be learned, people I can relate to. And amazing accounts of some incredible things that have happened. Sounds so interesting, but I can't manage to read it with the excitement that I read other things.

I go through phases whre I can't get enough of the Word, but they fade and I notice that tons of time has passed since I last picked it up. I'm in that place right now. It's a tough place to be too. So much of me wants to want to read my Bible. I just find that I fill my time with other things.

Hmmmm......have you ever found yourself in this position?

And the Rains Came Down

I'm looking out my window and the rain is coming down. I love where my desk is in my house. It is right under a window that looks out the front side of my house. And, I love to see what's going on outside.

So, the rain is coming down again.....more rain.....dreary day......more water......not really pleased with this. However, it made me think of Noah. I couldn't tell you the last time I read the account of Noah and The Flood in Genesis. Heck, I can't even tell you the chapter that it is in. But, I can tell you all about it.

God was honked-off at creation. Nothing was going "right" and creation was a mess. All of creation except for Noah. God found favor with him and gave him a huge task - a God size task. "Noah, I want you to build an ark exactly like these blueprints and I want you to get 2 of everything to take on the ark. Take your family. And when you get everyone/everything on board, don't come out until I tell you. There's gonna be a whole lotta rain." Then it rains for 40 days and nights and the whole time Noah is stuck on a boat with his family, a crap-ton of animals (and animal crap), and there is nowhere to go! Finally the rains stop, the earth dries up, and God gives the go-ahead to get off the boat.

Why am I writing about this? Because we ALL need the rains to come down. I love to walk outside after it rains. It smells amazing. Everything is green and wet and healthy. Rains bring life back into creation. We need the rain.

Lately, I have been wrapped up in the dreariness of the rain of my life. I am tired and have just found myself focusing way too much on the negative. The rain outside has reminded me that we need to have it! The rain is going to come down in our lives and outside. There is no avoiding it. It is part of living. BUT...................wait for it.............................when the rain goes away, we are refreshed. We are given a little life. We are brighter. We are healthy. We are cleansed.

Jesus, thank you for the rain. Thank you for the rain outside and thank you for the rain in my life. I want to be joyful always and focus on what you are trying to do when the rain comes down. Help to clean me, brighten me, and breathe more life into me. You are amazing!

The account of Noah is based on the brain of Dina. If you want to read God's version of the account, check out Genesis 6-8. It's super great!

GLOW

Hey everyone! I know I have posted something about this before, but there is a great blog you should start reading (if you haven't already). Click on the link to the left that says GLOW....it is a blog that I do with 4 other women. We are getting a ministry up and going at our church (actually Shannon and Kristi do the brunt work, I just like the ride). GLOW stands for God Loving Ordinary Women. The blog is just us sharing what God is doing in our lives and how He is working. Also, we have started doing some give-aways at random.

These women are pretty amazing. If you know me at all, you know I don't settle when it comes to ministry. I am blessed by this ministry and these girls. I hope you are too!

New Goals

This is about to get very personal. I share a lot about myself with people, but somethings I keep to myself or share with a few. The Lord has been working on me this weekend to share my new goals - I don't know if it is to encourage, to be held accountable, or step out of my comfort zone. Regardless, He has asked me to share so here goes!

I have struggled with weight loss FOREVER!!! I have tried calorie counting, food logs, workouts, detox "diets", biking, eating different, going to the doctor.....everything that I can do and not go insane (and I have been insane a few times along the way). However, nothing seems to work. I'm not wanting to be 115 pounds or be a gym-going psycho. I just want to lose some weight. I have cried, cussed, hid, hated, raged, and wallowed over this struggle SO MUCH in the past year and a half. I have been working with a trainer since March of '08, I have completely changed my diet (much more balanced), I have gone to the doctor and had tests done. Results: still weigh exactly what I did in March of '08, my doctor says I'm one of the healthiest patients that he has (just overweight), I eat pretty well 95% of the time.

3 months ago, after stepping on a scale to see no change, I kinda just stopped paying attention to my weight....went numb to it. At first, I got really angry. The kind of angry that makes me cry and shut down. Then the numbness settled in. I kept exercising, eating well, and went to the doctor. Last Friday, August 1, I stepped on a scale for the first time. I had noticed that my clothes were fitting a little differently (in a good way). Several people asked if I had lost weight. I honestly didn't know. So, stepped on the scale and ................................................ still weigh the same! But, this time I wasn't angry. I wasn't sad. I wasn't numb. It was okay.

I know how I treat my body. I know what goes in (and comes out). I know how I love to be active and AM active. I know that I am trying. I know that changes aren't going to happen over night. I know that I am driven, I mean DRIVEN, by goals and rules. So I set some goals with help from a friend.

1. I started running. I HATE RUNNING, but I'm running! I needed some motivation, so I bought new tennis shoes. And I made a rule that I can only wear them, for the next year, if I am going to run. If you know me, you know that this is probably the BEST motivation for me.

2. I decided that I want to lose 40 pounds by the time school gets out in June. That is 40 pounds in 10 months. It is totally reasonable.....only 4 pounds per month.

3. I want to shop for clothes that are not plus size. I'm not trying to be a size 6, 8, or even 10. I just want to shop in the Misses' sizes, not the Women's sizes.

4. I want to work up to running around Syracuse Lake by next summer. That is 5 miles. And I want to RUN the whole thing.

5. I want to wear the Manchester England Soccer Jersey that my best friend's family got me 10 years ago (I have never fit in it).

6. I want to go see the internist and have the last of medical testing done.

Those are my goals. I know that I can do it. I know that God will help me do this. He has given me a heart that longs to live for him and honor him. Thanks for reading. I didn't write this to gain pity or compliments. I know I am not the only person who struggles with this. I wanted to share. And God has been pushing me to share this part of me. I'm trying to listen and DO what he is asking of me....just a little bit better this year.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."

Not How I Had It Planned

Sometimes I am honked at the way Jesus doesn't do what I want! I pray and he does it differently than I asked! I expect him to use me in one way and He chooses something different! I have a fantastic 5 or 10 year plan, and his is nowhere near the same as mine!

And for all those times, I am blessed.

I was reading through some old journals and came across one from my senior year of high school (11 years ago). I was "planning" where I would be in 10 years. Here is what I wrote: In 10 years I plan on being married, having at least 2 kids, teaching with a Masters Degree, living in a 2 story house in the country, being involved in a church close to home (where my parents are). I seriously laughed when I read that. That was the honest plan that I had for myself.

Let me tell you where I am 11 years after I graduated. I just bought a house - by myself. I teach 5th grade. I am single. I have no kids. I am involved in a church. I struggle most days to see myself through Jesus' eyes because I haven't lived up to what I had planned for myself.

BUT............................

I am blessed! I am blessed with my own home to open up to those that I love. I am blessed with a job where I get to live out my love for Jesus and teach some of the coolest 10 and 11-year-olds on the face of the planet. I am blessed with an awesome family that has supported everything I have done (even when they don't always agree) for 29 years. I am blessed with a network of friends who encourage me, love me, and pray for me at the drop of a pin. I am blessed by a church family that spurs me on in my relationship with Jesus Christ.

I am blessed to be a child of God who doesn't do things my way. His plans are SO MUCH BETTER than any 5, 10, or 50 year plan I could ever write for myself. My life is not what I had planned, it is better. Yes I have dreams and desires, but I am learning to trust that God knows my heart, he hears my cries, and HIS 5 YEAR PLAN IS BEYOND ANYTHING I COULD DREAM OF.

Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

My 5th graders

My House

5th grade teachers

Friends