Why.............?

I had a rough summer. I dealt with a lot of personal struggles, mostly emotional and spiritual. There were days when I struggled to get out of bed or just do something. It wasn't anything MAJOR, but I learned SO much. I am probably going to take two posts to get it all out.

This first post comes from my journal on July 28. It is never easy for me to share myself like this, but I want to share what the Lord taught me through my summer. In order to do that, you need to know where it all began....

7-28-07
Why? I'm so tired of this life! I'm tired of not liking myself. I'm tired of allowing satan to get me where it hurts. I'm tired of not knowing what I want to do or why God has placed burning desires in my heart and then felling like I'm on my own to sort out EVERYTHING. I want to focus everything on serving Him, but I feel torn in so many directions and I don't know where to go first.

So.......I do nothing. And I HATE it and I'm ashamed to call myself a Christian. What about my life says, "That girl is in love with something amazing!" or "She has got it" - and wonder what IT is? Why? Why? Why? I just want to run and get AWAY from everything and everyone and be me with no single thing to distract me except a burning desire and passion for my LORD and SAVIOR. I want to be overwhelmed by Christ and the love He has for me. I want to be out of control about God - can't contain it! How do I get there? What does that look like for my life? Is it ever going to fully happen on this earth, in this life? I so want to hope that it will, but is seems like a lost hope - worthless. Do I really believe that the God I have grown to love, that I claim to serve......do I believe that He is the I AM? Sometimes I seriously don't know what I'm doing, what I'm believing. Ahhh!


I don't doubt that I am not the only person in the world to feel this way. Know that you are not alone if you have felt this way. I guess that's why I posted this - to remind myself and anyone who reads this that we don't have to go through life alone. Christ is there.....ALWAYS.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." -Psalm 23:4

hi

Sorry I haven't posted for a while. I want to catch you all up on my summer, but it will take 2 posts. I am hoping to put one up tomorrow and one on Friday. (Please don't hold me to that.) I will do my best to be a better blogger too. I am trying to get the hang of the 5th grade routine down - lots of papers to grade! We'll get there and I will post more. Thanks to all who keep checking on me......something new will be here soon!