Cliche', I know. But, it is true. I wrote these down while eating breakfast on January 1 (and continued them on January 2). I debated whether or not to share my personal thoughts. This morning I was reading back through my journal, something I do often. I felt a nudge to share my new thoughts as this new year began. No doubt they will dig at people. I felt uncomfortable writing them and still felt uncomfortable as I read them this morning. I will let you decide for yourself.
It all started on New Year's Eve as J was giving a lesson to the youth. He said, "Have you ever reached such a low place that you wonder if it is all worth it? Not suicidal thoughts, but just wondered?" I began to realize right then, that this is kind of how I ended 2008 - wondering if it is worth it. I know that it is, but that doesn't make it easy. I'm constantly wondering what life has for me, how I can get what I want. Then I stop and remember . . . this life is not about me. It is about serving Jesus as best as I can. Then I think What is my best? What would it look like to serve Him the best that I can?"
I don't have the answer, but I know it is better than what I'm doing right now. I know it means continually giving my life, my whole life, over to the One who knows best. And that is hard - for whatever reason - it gets harder every day.
I'm sure it boils down to faith.
Simple, undamaged, raw faith.
Faith that doesn't want all the answers.
Faith that doesn't doubt that God has HIS best for me.
Faith that says, "I will go."
Jeremiah 9:11 says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord."
3 comments:
Wow!!! Awesome blog! Love ya!
YAY! for 3 new posts!! I love the new tat and I have one on my foot at well.....YES it hurt, is an under-statement!!! It hurts like NO OTHER!! :) I hope you keep loving it and it's so perfect and fitting. Awesome verse that we all need reminded of every single day!
I had hit the deepest depths of the pit when I finally allowed God to speak to me and for me to hear him. You know how awesome God's plans turned out for me. I know that his plans for you are awesome as well. I pray every day that you will continue to allow God to show you the plan that he has for you. I know that it will be worth it! You are a phenomenal woman and I know he knows that too. Love ya!
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