Thursday, November 26, 2009

Single Living

I bought a house almost 5 months ago! I was super excited (and still am) to be a home-owner. It is the first time I have ever lived completely on my own: no parents, no roomies, no animals. It's just me. And I love it.....most of the time.

I guess the "I live totally by myself" thought hit me about a month and a half ago. It is quite the realization in all honesty. I am completely dependent upon myself. I don't have anyone to come home and gripe to on a bad day. I don't have anyone to come home and celebrate those super great days. I don't have anyone to talk to at home after a day of conversing with 10 and 11-year-olds. It is just me.

I get a little lonely.

Then I get down in the dumps.

Then I have my own, private, pity party.

And I don't feel any better.

I am a relationship person. I enjoy the relationships in my life. I enjoy investing in the lives of my family, friends, and students. I feel alive when I am with others.

I have gotten pretty honked at God about my single living. "Why can't you give me a husband? Why are all of my close friends so far away? Why have you done this to me?!" These go through my head a few times a week.

And do you know how God replies?....

"Why can't you let me be enough for you?"

"Why don't you consider me a close friend?"

"Why have you done this to me?!"

Case in point....I'm not leaning on my Heavenly Father the way I need to. Maybe this season is meant for me to learn to be totally reliant upon HIM. Maybe this season is to teach me that God is all I need. Maybe this season is for putting God back at the forefront of who I am.

So, I am going to work on that. I am going to work on chatting with Him daily. I am going to work on making Him closer than a friend. I am going to work on Him being my everything.

1 comment:

Angela said...

I love you.
I like this post.
You are an amazing woman of God!