So many things to include in this post, but I want to get it all out. I am currently in College Station, TX. It is home to Texas A&M, cowboys, over-sized trucks, and my dear friend AJ. The weather is amazing - 77 degrees, partly sunny, slight breeze, and the trees are still green. I have heard some of the thickest accents and witnessed one of the most ridiculous college sport training facilities ever!
I even went on a roller coaster ride, not a literal one but an emotional one. How do I describe this......? AJ is a very intentional person. She thinks deeply. She invests in relationships. She is going to throw Jesus in your face whether you are ready for it or not. She is going to challenge you and your relationship with Christ. She will call you out on ANYTHING that may be out of line of the way a Christ-follower should live. Hence the roller coaster ride. She had me read "Now and Not Yet" a great, great, great book about living as a single woman in the 21st century. She was on Chapter 11 when I got here on Friday. I spent all day yesterday reading to catch up. After reading chapter 8 ("The sense of callings") I was ready to throw the book at AJ and explode. All of the emotions of the past 2 months found their way out of me in one explosive case of word-vomit. I was speaking loudly, talking nonsense, making excuses, and crying. All the while I was trying to process everything going through my head, the stirrings and wrestlings, as AJ is throwing her 2 cents at me. Let me just say I didn't want to hear what she was saying. However, God did.
I felt better after getting it all out.
This morning, I woke up and spent some time on my face before the Lord. I was literally lying facedown as I listened to some of my favorite worship songs. I hadn't done that for a while. It was good. It was SO good. I felt like my thoughts were clear. I felt like I had regained a grasp on what is truly important in my life. I felt blessed, truly blessed, to be a single 29-year-old woman. This is something I haven't felt for a few months. And it was good.
AJ and I talked over some fantastic coffee this morning. We sat and just shared our thoughts. We were studying the Word, reading, journaling, and just investing in one another's lives. I don't do that too often with a fellow single. And I was blessed. I cannot describe how my heart felt. I just felt blessed. She had to work today, at Starbucks, so I brought stuff to do. Number one on the To-Do list was finish the book. AJ hooked me up with a french press of coffee and I got myself comfy and read. I finished the book. I wrote down so much from the book and just let God do His thing.
For the first time in months, I felt like God was present in my life. Present and working! My heart feels healed. My mind has a clearer focus. I want to share my closing thoughts after finishing this book:
That was ALOT to read and deal with in a VERY short amount of time. I definitely was not prepared to process it all, but it was good. I've spent more time with the Lord in 2 days than I have in weeks! It really reminded me of what is important. The important thing for me, right now in life, is to live in the comfort of the truth and love of Jesus. For Pete's sake, He gave his life for me. ME....I can't comprehend it, but it's okay. There is a gift of love, unconditional love that is available to me 24/7! Too often I get wrapped up in not having a "tangible" person to love me. Rather than realizing that God's love is incredibly tangible...it just doesn't always come in the form I want it to.
God's blessings don't always come in the form that we want. For that, I am ever so greatful. His form is always better than what I expected!
2 comments:
I have been reading some of your posts for the past few weeks now. I have to tell you how inspired, completely moved...to tears sometimes actually, convicted at times, broken, and absolutely encouraged I have felt by the intimate and honest thoughts you have chosen to share. God's love is so indescribable, but the one descriptive word that comes to mind at this moment in my life is "faithful". He is so faithful, and like you said, sometimes the things He wants us to hear most come at the times we least expect them or want them, but He knows just what we need and what is best for our lives. It's hard as humans to accept that. Every day we have a choice to choose Him...I am working on that, and trying to see Him in everything. Thank you for being honest and sharing. I see my thoughts in much of what you have written, and I admire the fact that you chose to voice them, and I thank you. Reading this was just what I needed today.
-A Friend in Christ
Dear anonymous,
I'm giving all the glory to Jesus. He is my fuel and reason for starting this blog in the first place. I am a firm believer that we all have a testimony to share and we may not know why. Thanks for reading. Be encouraged and know that I am praying for you. God works in ways we can't/don't know. But you are so right...HE is faithful and will never forsake his children. Blessings, Dina
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