I consider myself a very honest person. If you ask how I am, I will tell you. If you ask if something is wrong, I will tell you. Today this happened...several times.
I am in a funk. I don't know how else to describe it. I am totally myself, but it is the self that not many people see and I can't hide it right now. It has made me very vulnerable, it makes others uncomfortable, and everyone seems to want to fix it. I'm not a fan of being in a funk but I know that it is part of my walk. I don't like others to see the insecure me, unless I want them to. But right now I can't seem to hide that from those who know me.
I was grateful for a few people that I crossed paths with today. One was a former teacher who I saw at church. She said, "Hey, how are you?" I replied, "I'm ok." She got a semi-concerned look on her face and said, "Are you ok?" To which I replied, "I'm just in a funk lately." And that was that. No pity look, no remorsefulness, no quick fix....AND FOR THAT I WAS SO BLESSED. Another person is a friend that I haven't talked to for a while. She called to talk about humidifiers and asked how I was doing. I could tell her exactly how I am...lonely, hurting, frustrated with some things at school, in a funk. And she just encouraged me. Another friend and I were emailing back and forth and she asked where I had been going to church lately. I told her that this whole church hunting is wearing on me right now and that satan is attacking. She didn't try to solve anything, she just encouraged me that this is a season and God will use it.
I'm going to be honest (like I always am).....Sometimes we just have a "bad" day, or don't want to put on our happy shield, or are going through a season in life where IT IS OK TO NOT HAVE THE PERKY ATTITUDE! I'm not going to lie to someone when they ask how I am, just to avoid an awkward moment. I want to be honest. I want to be real. My honesty may encourage someone else to know that it's ok not to "have it all together" every moment of every day.
News flash: I AM A HUMAN BEING and God tells me I will go through trying times. My walk is not perfect, nor am I. But my God is perfect, His love endures all, and His timing is best for me. So, I am going to embrace this funk. I am going to be honest with people that I am hurting right now. And I am going to continue clinging to my heavenly Father, knowing that He has be in His hands.
2 comments:
It is sad to hear that you are in a funk. :( But I know God and His timing will straighten things out for you. Because He's God, that's what He does!
Dude had no idea you had another blog!!! This is great...but how am I suppose to label another Dina blog :) :) Praying for you during this season you are in. Hugs!!
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