Today was a work day for grad school! I started at 8:30 and just finished up. BUT, I took a nice 4 hour break today to play...
I went for a bike ride with my friend Liz and her children, played at the park, played hide and seek with a 3 and 1 year old, and colored! I also had dinner with the Stewart family.
It was time that I could honestly feel my heart's happiness. I love the friends that God has blessed me with. It has been so hard to have to say no so much this past year, but today I said yes!
Thank you, Jesus, for these unplanned blessings.
Monday, July 09, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Sometimes you hear something...
...and you NEED to share.
I have heard speakers from many different organizations. I have supported ministries near and far. I have sponsored children. I have several friends serving in the mission field near and far. I say that I have a heart for the work that God is doing. And I hold my head up, almost proud of myself for being so "aware" of the world and supportive of God's work.
Tonight I had a MAJOR reality check. I had heard about this organization, but tonight I learned about Destiny Rescue (click to learn more). David Grant, a friend of mine, recently began working for Destiny Rescue. He was speaking tonight at "That Thing" at Epworth Forest. He shared a story...a story about a family who sells their daughter to a man who promises help and money and a job for her. And it was a lie! What the man did was bought the daughter and put her to work in a brothel. I cried, sobbed the entire time that David was speaking and we were seeing video clips about the sex trafficking that is taking place. I heard an astounding statistic - "EVERY 26 SECONDS another child is trafficked, most sold into sexual slavery." I did the math, that is about 138 children PER HOUR! It makes my stomach churn.
My heart is heavy. As I watched those videos and listened to David speak I couldn't help but think, "those girls remind me of my students, or so-and-so's child." It hit me in a personal spot...children. I love children so much. I cannot imagine what these children, innocent children, are going through. And it happens to another every 26 seconds.
I can honestly say that this cause is important. I have friends who have been to these countries and volunteered with organizations that are fighting sex trafficking. And I will admit, until tonight, that I had NO IDEA how little me could help.
I am praying. Praying for God's direction in how I can help. I would encourage you to check out this organization. There are MANY WAYS that you can help. I would ask that you start by praying. Pray for God to move. Pray for people to take a stand against sex trafficking. Pray for a heart that breaks for these girls and boys. Pray for a way to help.
I have heard speakers from many different organizations. I have supported ministries near and far. I have sponsored children. I have several friends serving in the mission field near and far. I say that I have a heart for the work that God is doing. And I hold my head up, almost proud of myself for being so "aware" of the world and supportive of God's work.
Tonight I had a MAJOR reality check. I had heard about this organization, but tonight I learned about Destiny Rescue (click to learn more). David Grant, a friend of mine, recently began working for Destiny Rescue. He was speaking tonight at "That Thing" at Epworth Forest. He shared a story...a story about a family who sells their daughter to a man who promises help and money and a job for her. And it was a lie! What the man did was bought the daughter and put her to work in a brothel. I cried, sobbed the entire time that David was speaking and we were seeing video clips about the sex trafficking that is taking place. I heard an astounding statistic - "EVERY 26 SECONDS another child is trafficked, most sold into sexual slavery." I did the math, that is about 138 children PER HOUR! It makes my stomach churn.
My heart is heavy. As I watched those videos and listened to David speak I couldn't help but think, "those girls remind me of my students, or so-and-so's child." It hit me in a personal spot...children. I love children so much. I cannot imagine what these children, innocent children, are going through. And it happens to another every 26 seconds.
I can honestly say that this cause is important. I have friends who have been to these countries and volunteered with organizations that are fighting sex trafficking. And I will admit, until tonight, that I had NO IDEA how little me could help.
I am praying. Praying for God's direction in how I can help. I would encourage you to check out this organization. There are MANY WAYS that you can help. I would ask that you start by praying. Pray for God to move. Pray for people to take a stand against sex trafficking. Pray for a heart that breaks for these girls and boys. Pray for a way to help.
In the time that it took me to write this, 40 children were trafficked.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
The End is Near
I have 4 weeks, a month break, and one semester to go in grad school! I am so excited and anxious to be done. It is hard to be a student at the age of 32. It is hard to say no to fun things. It is hard to stare at a computer screen 3-6 hours each day. It is hard to read articles and textbooks that I don't always understand. It is hard to know exactly how each professor wants you to post, write, and reply. It is hard to keep everything straight in my brain. It is hard NOT to procrastinate.
But, I am honestly loving this season of learning. For those of you who may not know I have big plans professionally....I want to be a college professor and teach future teachers. In order to do that I must go back and refine my learning and teaching. I keep this in mind when I don't want to work, when I would rather read a good novel or play with my friends, or lay in the sun ALL DAY. I have already tried many new things in my classroom and hope to do even more this next school year. My students loved helping me with college work! They were always excited when the FlipCamera came out, when I would interview them, or when I would show them my online "classroom".
Did I mention that it has been hard? It really has.
I am grateful though. I am grateful that I have the ability to learn. I am grateful for students and parents that have shared some personal things with me for grad work. I am grateful for a summer that allows me to get 4 classes done. I am grateful for friends and family that have been a phenomenal support group: encouraging me to press on, listening when I need to gripe, reminding me to step away from work for fun, and showing a genuine interest in what I am learning.
One of my goals this year is to finish grad school with a 4.0. I am still on track :) I am not going to be upset if I don't, as long as I know that I put my best work out there. And I know that this is an attainable goal.
But (the point of this entire post) I really got to thinking about this goal today during church. A segment of the sermon was performance living vs. promise living. It made me think, "Why am I aiming so high for grad school? Is it for me? for God? Do I expect something in return?" I don't really have an answer, but it is definitely making me think. I like to push myself, I like a challenge. This is me pushing myself. I don't want to settle and know that I didn't do my best at anything.
This is not the only area that I need to evaluate my motivation. I challenge you to ask yourself the same question, "Are you performance living or promise living?" God's promises are good! I need to let this resonate in my soul.
But, I am honestly loving this season of learning. For those of you who may not know I have big plans professionally....I want to be a college professor and teach future teachers. In order to do that I must go back and refine my learning and teaching. I keep this in mind when I don't want to work, when I would rather read a good novel or play with my friends, or lay in the sun ALL DAY. I have already tried many new things in my classroom and hope to do even more this next school year. My students loved helping me with college work! They were always excited when the FlipCamera came out, when I would interview them, or when I would show them my online "classroom".
Did I mention that it has been hard? It really has.
I am grateful though. I am grateful that I have the ability to learn. I am grateful for students and parents that have shared some personal things with me for grad work. I am grateful for a summer that allows me to get 4 classes done. I am grateful for friends and family that have been a phenomenal support group: encouraging me to press on, listening when I need to gripe, reminding me to step away from work for fun, and showing a genuine interest in what I am learning.
One of my goals this year is to finish grad school with a 4.0. I am still on track :) I am not going to be upset if I don't, as long as I know that I put my best work out there. And I know that this is an attainable goal.
But (the point of this entire post) I really got to thinking about this goal today during church. A segment of the sermon was performance living vs. promise living. It made me think, "Why am I aiming so high for grad school? Is it for me? for God? Do I expect something in return?" I don't really have an answer, but it is definitely making me think. I like to push myself, I like a challenge. This is me pushing myself. I don't want to settle and know that I didn't do my best at anything.
This is not the only area that I need to evaluate my motivation. I challenge you to ask yourself the same question, "Are you performance living or promise living?" God's promises are good! I need to let this resonate in my soul.
Friday, June 08, 2012
Why I Teach
I had a moment this morning. I was dropping off my car insurance payment to State Farm. I was pleasantly greeted, as always, and the following conversation took place:
Me: Hi Heather!
Heather: Hi Dina. Are you enjoying your summer break?
Me: 100%!
Heather: That's the best part of teaching, right?
Me: hahaha
Then I left. And I had a pit in my stomach. Why? It's not the best part of teaching! I didn't share that though...
Many people think that summer break is the "best part of teaching" but that is SO NOT TRUE for me. Summer break is nice...I get to reflect on my previous school year, begin preparing for the next year, and enjoy the summer. But it is not the best part of teaching. I usually spend the first few weeks worrying about my students that I know don't look forward to a break from school. For too many kids, summer is not enjoyable because they have tough lives, they aren't cared for, and they don't get to see their friends. School is the fun place. It is safe, secure, there is someone who is ALWAYS glad to see them, it is consistent. After I learn to let go of my students the anticipation of the next group hits me. What will they be like? Who will impact me the most? What great memories will we have in Room 410? Will I do a better job this year?
Nope, I don't teach for the summer break.
I teach because that is what God has called me to do. He has placed a burning passion for kids in my heart. I teach because learning is important. I teach because I can make a difference. I teach because I love it!
Monday, April 02, 2012
I miss things
It is Spring Break (THANK YOU, JESUS!) and I am chugging away on my work for grad school. It is hard, not necessarily the content but the continual "I can't, I have grad work to do," reason for not being able to do things.
It is sad for me. I am such a social and relational person. I believe God made me this way and it really stinks that it is hindered by grad school which I need in order to carry out some long-term professional goals that involve relational teaching and sharing my love for teaching. (Nice run-on sentence by the teacher.)
Anyway......
I have been distracted today. The weather is SOOOOOO nice and I want to call my friend, Shannon, to go play with her and her kids. Or, I want to go for a walk with someone. Or I would like to get a beverage and sit outside to talk. But I can't. I am reading Development Through the Lifespan chapters 12-14. B-O-R-I-N-G!!!!!
You know what else I want to do...read for FUN: blogs, books, facebook, magazines, anything that does not require me to process someone's higher level thinking on paper and regurgitate it for a dumb test.
So, yeah, I miss things. I know this is a season right now. I know that I really am learning things that will help me to be a better teacher. But I miss things....
(only 9 months to go)
It is sad for me. I am such a social and relational person. I believe God made me this way and it really stinks that it is hindered by grad school which I need in order to carry out some long-term professional goals that involve relational teaching and sharing my love for teaching. (Nice run-on sentence by the teacher.)
Anyway......
I have been distracted today. The weather is SOOOOOO nice and I want to call my friend, Shannon, to go play with her and her kids. Or, I want to go for a walk with someone. Or I would like to get a beverage and sit outside to talk. But I can't. I am reading Development Through the Lifespan chapters 12-14. B-O-R-I-N-G!!!!!
You know what else I want to do...read for FUN: blogs, books, facebook, magazines, anything that does not require me to process someone's higher level thinking on paper and regurgitate it for a dumb test.
So, yeah, I miss things. I know this is a season right now. I know that I really am learning things that will help me to be a better teacher. But I miss things....
(only 9 months to go)
Saturday, March 10, 2012
How is it March already?!?!?!
Does anyone else feel this way? I cannot believe that we are well into the 3rd month of the year. I remember being little, waiting for a year to pass so I could celebrate my birthday again (my year went from June-June bc that's when my bday is :) ). Now, I want to stick my feet in the ground sometimes to keep time from going on.
Needless to say, I didn't blog at all in February. Honestly it went by too fast and I am not sure how I made it through the month. It was a rough one....
I have really been working on my relationship with Christ, trying to get deeper into understanding who I am in Christ. It has been SO HARD!!!! When we strive for more intimacy with Christ it honks off the enemy. Satan has been laying things on pretty thick: insecurity, feelings of failure, shut down... I would love to say that I have stood up to him and held firm in my faith, but that would be a lie. I have struggled! I have had meltdowns. I have been ready to just give up! But, my God has held me closer than ever and I am learning so much.
Needless to say, I didn't blog at all in February. Honestly it went by too fast and I am not sure how I made it through the month. It was a rough one....
I have really been working on my relationship with Christ, trying to get deeper into understanding who I am in Christ. It has been SO HARD!!!! When we strive for more intimacy with Christ it honks off the enemy. Satan has been laying things on pretty thick: insecurity, feelings of failure, shut down... I would love to say that I have stood up to him and held firm in my faith, but that would be a lie. I have struggled! I have had meltdowns. I have been ready to just give up! But, my God has held me closer than ever and I am learning so much.
"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account" Hebrews 4:12-13
This seems to be what I am clinging to. I cannot neglect God when satan attacks (some wise words from my BFF, Karissa). That is the worst thing I can do. It is not comfortable for me to know that God knows EVERYTHING about me. There are some parts of me that I would like to hide forever and have tried to hide for a long time. God has decided to pull those things to the surface, get me to work through them, and move me on into more intimacy with him.
It is not easy, but I am encouraged. I am incredibly vulnerable right now and more emotional than every before. I think that is good. When my emotions are connected, I am growing. That is how God made me. Having bare emotions means that I am very receptive to God's work and that is AWESOME! There have been several people who have spoken some deep truths into my heart. Until these past few weeks, I would not have been able to receive those truths. For this I am grateful.
I leave you with the following verse. I encourage you (and myself), that we are not expected to go through trials alone. We don't have to...
It is not easy, but I am encouraged. I am incredibly vulnerable right now and more emotional than every before. I think that is good. When my emotions are connected, I am growing. That is how God made me. Having bare emotions means that I am very receptive to God's work and that is AWESOME! There have been several people who have spoken some deep truths into my heart. Until these past few weeks, I would not have been able to receive those truths. For this I am grateful.
I leave you with the following verse. I encourage you (and myself), that we are not expected to go through trials alone. We don't have to...
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:15-16
Much love to you!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
How am I doing so far?
I cannot, CANNOT, believe that it is the end of January!!!! I don't know about you, but I like to keep in check with my goals as the year goes. SO, below are my goals. Progress for January is in red.
become a better student of the Word - have been reading and journaling 2-4 times each week
be healthier - got the myfitnesspal app on my phone and am using it!!! even ate veggies today!
blog at least once every two weeks - had a 3 week lapse in there, but trying
work on the landscaping - it's winter....
paint all the white walls in my house
get a 4.0 in grad school - on track after 2 semesters!
read Harry Potter series (2nd time) - am through book 3
be debt free (minus my mortgage) - January budget has me in the clear by $130 (putting toward debt)
buy new furniture - waiting on tax return, but I did paint some picture frames to put up :)
I have been having some intense Jesus time and it feels so good. I have some big things coming ahead of me personally, but I know that God will walk me through step-by-step. If you feel led to pray, I would be humbled. God is definitely at work in my heart and it feels good, exhausting but good!
How are you all doing on your goals?
become a better student of the Word - have been reading and journaling 2-4 times each week
be healthier - got the myfitnesspal app on my phone and am using it!!! even ate veggies today!
blog at least once every two weeks - had a 3 week lapse in there, but trying
work on the landscaping - it's winter....
paint all the white walls in my house
get a 4.0 in grad school - on track after 2 semesters!
read Harry Potter series (2nd time) - am through book 3
be debt free (minus my mortgage) - January budget has me in the clear by $130 (putting toward debt)
buy new furniture - waiting on tax return, but I did paint some picture frames to put up :)
I have been having some intense Jesus time and it feels so good. I have some big things coming ahead of me personally, but I know that God will walk me through step-by-step. If you feel led to pray, I would be humbled. God is definitely at work in my heart and it feels good, exhausting but good!
How are you all doing on your goals?
Sunday, January 08, 2012
Let the CRAZINESS Begin!
After 4 VERY nice weeks of a more relaxed schedule, it is time to start the craziness again! School started up this past Wed. It was nice to go back to a 3-day week. Spring semester of Grad school starts tomorrow. 3rd grade basketball club (3:15-4 for 7 days) begins tomorrow!!! I also start the Jillian Michaels 30-day shred tomorrow....
I do enjoy a full schedule. Last semester I didn't do so well balancing teaching, school, God, and life. I am planning on doing better. It is so much to balance and I tend to get INCREDIBLY overwhelmed at times. It is also super tough for me to say no to friends and family who want to hang out or spend time together.
I am currently reading Lady in Waiting. It is a wonderful book/study on bettering myself, through God's eyes, from the inside out. One thing that has been reiterated to me is the importance of having Christ first in all I do. Being a single person, living by myself, I can get very wrapped up in me. When this happens my stress level is through the roof and I get very world-focused. These past 4 weeks have been good: I have slowed down a TON!!! I was reminded of the importance of relationships...family and friends. I need that to keep me fueled.
So, off I head into the craziness of being Dina. I am filled up and ready for this next 16 weeks. I would be humbled by your prayers. I have goals that I want to stick to:
1. God time daily
2. Keep up with teaching (planning, grading)
3. Grad school (putting my BEST effort forth)
4. exercise
5. family and friend time
6. daily household things :)
And please, if you ask me to do something and my answer is "no" or "I can't", don't be offended.
Much love and God bless!
I do enjoy a full schedule. Last semester I didn't do so well balancing teaching, school, God, and life. I am planning on doing better. It is so much to balance and I tend to get INCREDIBLY overwhelmed at times. It is also super tough for me to say no to friends and family who want to hang out or spend time together.
I am currently reading Lady in Waiting. It is a wonderful book/study on bettering myself, through God's eyes, from the inside out. One thing that has been reiterated to me is the importance of having Christ first in all I do. Being a single person, living by myself, I can get very wrapped up in me. When this happens my stress level is through the roof and I get very world-focused. These past 4 weeks have been good: I have slowed down a TON!!! I was reminded of the importance of relationships...family and friends. I need that to keep me fueled.
So, off I head into the craziness of being Dina. I am filled up and ready for this next 16 weeks. I would be humbled by your prayers. I have goals that I want to stick to:
1. God time daily
2. Keep up with teaching (planning, grading)
3. Grad school (putting my BEST effort forth)
4. exercise
5. family and friend time
6. daily household things :)
And please, if you ask me to do something and my answer is "no" or "I can't", don't be offended.
Much love and God bless!
Monday, January 02, 2012
Holy Crap, it's 2012!
Is it me or does it seem weird that we are already in 2012? I cannot believe another year is upon us!
I am sure everyone is making resolutions for the new year. I get tired of them honestly. I've made some resolutions, start out gung-ho, then never follow through. But I am going to try again this year with hope that I will follow through.
This year's goals:
become a better student of the Word
be healthier
blog at least once every two weeks
work on the landscaping around my house
paint all the white walls in my house
get a 4.0 in grad school
finish reading the Harry Potter series (time number 2 through it)
be debt free (minus my mortgage)
buy new furniture
I always look forward to a new year. You can see my 2011 recap here.
Happy 2012 to you all!
I am sure everyone is making resolutions for the new year. I get tired of them honestly. I've made some resolutions, start out gung-ho, then never follow through. But I am going to try again this year with hope that I will follow through.
This year's goals:
become a better student of the Word
be healthier
blog at least once every two weeks
work on the landscaping around my house
paint all the white walls in my house
get a 4.0 in grad school
finish reading the Harry Potter series (time number 2 through it)
be debt free (minus my mortgage)
buy new furniture
I always look forward to a new year. You can see my 2011 recap here.
Happy 2012 to you all!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Where I belong
Little did I know 5 months ago when I walked into Vineyard Community Church in Syracuse, that I was walking into my new church home. It was very welcoming, alive, and REAL! I knew a few faces, including Shannon. She had been asking when I was going to check out Vineyard, so I did.
There have been several moments over that past 5 months to confirm that I am where I belong. Yesterday was the icing on the cake. It was Family Worship Day...a day when the whole family stays for the entire worship service (usually kids 4th grade and under go to children's ministry). I was blown away! The church does this to emphasize the importance of family!!!!! Seriously, this is something that is disappearing from churches if you ask me.
Worship was let by kids - I'm guessing they were 5th-7th graders, if that. The sermon was about "Cultivating a Hear of Obedience." Pastor Sheldon explained that we have to be role models in life, words, and love. This is not possible without God!
As a teacher, this really hit home as today is the first day of school (students come tomorrow). And if the sermon wasn't enough, ministry time just added to it. It was an interactive prayer time: praying over students, teachers, children's ministry team members, youth pastors, youth volunteers..... It was the first time in 10 years that a church has done this. My spirit was moved, tears were streaming down my face. During each part, we were encouraged to move around the room and lay hands on those we were praying for. My feet were stuck! I was so overwhelmed with the recognition of this mission field called school. I was humbled to have hands laid on me, prayers over me for my school year.
The heart of Vineyard is a weekly reminder that I am where I belong. God planted me where HE needs me to be too.
There have been several moments over that past 5 months to confirm that I am where I belong. Yesterday was the icing on the cake. It was Family Worship Day...a day when the whole family stays for the entire worship service (usually kids 4th grade and under go to children's ministry). I was blown away! The church does this to emphasize the importance of family!!!!! Seriously, this is something that is disappearing from churches if you ask me.
Worship was let by kids - I'm guessing they were 5th-7th graders, if that. The sermon was about "Cultivating a Hear of Obedience." Pastor Sheldon explained that we have to be role models in life, words, and love. This is not possible without God!
As a teacher, this really hit home as today is the first day of school (students come tomorrow). And if the sermon wasn't enough, ministry time just added to it. It was an interactive prayer time: praying over students, teachers, children's ministry team members, youth pastors, youth volunteers..... It was the first time in 10 years that a church has done this. My spirit was moved, tears were streaming down my face. During each part, we were encouraged to move around the room and lay hands on those we were praying for. My feet were stuck! I was so overwhelmed with the recognition of this mission field called school. I was humbled to have hands laid on me, prayers over me for my school year.
The heart of Vineyard is a weekly reminder that I am where I belong. God planted me where HE needs me to be too.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
a little of this and a little of that
Did you think I was done blogging forever? I won't lie, the thought crossed my mind. Sometimes I just don't think my blog is doing anything for His kingdom and wonder why I keep blogging. I feel somewhat narcissistic....
Anywho I've had about a dozen people ask me in the past week if I was going to blog again, so I guess that is a sign. Then comes the do I try to catch up or just pick up right now with life......? I'm opting for choice #2.
This summer has been a fun, busy, crazy summer as always. I started grad school, worked at Sock's Marina, spent time with friends, and took an amazing road trip.
Grad school was kind of last-minute due to some decisions at the state level about salary ...blah, blah, blah. I enjoy being a student and was intending on starting Masters work this fall, so I got a little jump start. If all goes as planned I will have my Masters of ElEd and a license for High Ability Ed by Christmas 2012! I'm pretty much kissing my life goodbye, but want to get things done.
My road trip was AWESOME!!!! I was gone for 2 1/2 weeks. Mom and I met up with my Aunt Pam (from FL) at my grandparent's in Arkansas. From there Mom, Aunt Pam, Gma, and I drove to California for my cousin, Katie's, wedding. We drove about 8000 miles and spent 100 hours driving. States that I traveled include: Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, and Kansas. I saw some pretty beautiful places, spent time with family that I don't see too often, and had an all-around wonderful time. It was much needed :) I added some pics from the summer too:
Mom and I in San Francisco
Lighthouse in Lake Havasu, AZ
Driving through Utah
Lake Tahoe
Anywho I've had about a dozen people ask me in the past week if I was going to blog again, so I guess that is a sign. Then comes the do I try to catch up or just pick up right now with life......? I'm opting for choice #2.
This summer has been a fun, busy, crazy summer as always. I started grad school, worked at Sock's Marina, spent time with friends, and took an amazing road trip.
Grad school was kind of last-minute due to some decisions at the state level about salary ...blah, blah, blah. I enjoy being a student and was intending on starting Masters work this fall, so I got a little jump start. If all goes as planned I will have my Masters of ElEd and a license for High Ability Ed by Christmas 2012! I'm pretty much kissing my life goodbye, but want to get things done.
My road trip was AWESOME!!!! I was gone for 2 1/2 weeks. Mom and I met up with my Aunt Pam (from FL) at my grandparent's in Arkansas. From there Mom, Aunt Pam, Gma, and I drove to California for my cousin, Katie's, wedding. We drove about 8000 miles and spent 100 hours driving. States that I traveled include: Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, California, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, and Kansas. I saw some pretty beautiful places, spent time with family that I don't see too often, and had an all-around wonderful time. It was much needed :) I added some pics from the summer too:
Katie and I at her wedding
Mom and I in San Francisco
Lighthouse in Lake Havasu, AZ
Driving through Utah
Lake Tahoe
Monday, February 07, 2011
Chili, Isaiah, Recliner
Yesterday was a great day!
I finished reading through Leviticus. Today I begin Numbers.
I went to the Church of God. I am enjoying my time there, but still not feeling like it is time to settle on a church. I am ready to be done, but God clearly has other places for me to try. The sermon was great as was the music. It felt good to sing my heart out to Jesus.
After church I got to hang out with a great group of girls that I have connected with at the Church of God. I am blessed by how they have invited me into their group and accepted me. We had a HUGE, yummy lunch and then dove into Isaiah. So much to learn from the Israelites (I have a feeling this is an on-going theme of the OT). I love digging into scripture with others and learning.
Then, last night, I got to hang out with one of my favorite families...the Holsopples. My good friends, Darin and Darcy, had peeps over for the Superbowl. It was a wonderful time. There was more food (I don't think I need to eat for a few days!), great company, cutiehead kiddos, and FOOTBALL. I even got to sit in the recliner....Darin decided to have a little competition for the "best seat in the house" and I won. I guessed the closest to the opening kickoff return! Wooo hoo!
So (despite the Packers winning) it was a great day! I needed a great day too. Thanks Jesus.
I finished reading through Leviticus. Today I begin Numbers.
I went to the Church of God. I am enjoying my time there, but still not feeling like it is time to settle on a church. I am ready to be done, but God clearly has other places for me to try. The sermon was great as was the music. It felt good to sing my heart out to Jesus.
After church I got to hang out with a great group of girls that I have connected with at the Church of God. I am blessed by how they have invited me into their group and accepted me. We had a HUGE, yummy lunch and then dove into Isaiah. So much to learn from the Israelites (I have a feeling this is an on-going theme of the OT). I love digging into scripture with others and learning.
Then, last night, I got to hang out with one of my favorite families...the Holsopples. My good friends, Darin and Darcy, had peeps over for the Superbowl. It was a wonderful time. There was more food (I don't think I need to eat for a few days!), great company, cutiehead kiddos, and FOOTBALL. I even got to sit in the recliner....Darin decided to have a little competition for the "best seat in the house" and I won. I guessed the closest to the opening kickoff return! Wooo hoo!
So (despite the Packers winning) it was a great day! I needed a great day too. Thanks Jesus.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
let the truth be known...
I consider myself a very honest person. If you ask how I am, I will tell you. If you ask if something is wrong, I will tell you. Today this happened...several times.
I am in a funk. I don't know how else to describe it. I am totally myself, but it is the self that not many people see and I can't hide it right now. It has made me very vulnerable, it makes others uncomfortable, and everyone seems to want to fix it. I'm not a fan of being in a funk but I know that it is part of my walk. I don't like others to see the insecure me, unless I want them to. But right now I can't seem to hide that from those who know me.
I was grateful for a few people that I crossed paths with today. One was a former teacher who I saw at church. She said, "Hey, how are you?" I replied, "I'm ok." She got a semi-concerned look on her face and said, "Are you ok?" To which I replied, "I'm just in a funk lately." And that was that. No pity look, no remorsefulness, no quick fix....AND FOR THAT I WAS SO BLESSED. Another person is a friend that I haven't talked to for a while. She called to talk about humidifiers and asked how I was doing. I could tell her exactly how I am...lonely, hurting, frustrated with some things at school, in a funk. And she just encouraged me. Another friend and I were emailing back and forth and she asked where I had been going to church lately. I told her that this whole church hunting is wearing on me right now and that satan is attacking. She didn't try to solve anything, she just encouraged me that this is a season and God will use it.
I'm going to be honest (like I always am).....Sometimes we just have a "bad" day, or don't want to put on our happy shield, or are going through a season in life where IT IS OK TO NOT HAVE THE PERKY ATTITUDE! I'm not going to lie to someone when they ask how I am, just to avoid an awkward moment. I want to be honest. I want to be real. My honesty may encourage someone else to know that it's ok not to "have it all together" every moment of every day.
News flash: I AM A HUMAN BEING and God tells me I will go through trying times. My walk is not perfect, nor am I. But my God is perfect, His love endures all, and His timing is best for me. So, I am going to embrace this funk. I am going to be honest with people that I am hurting right now. And I am going to continue clinging to my heavenly Father, knowing that He has be in His hands.
I am in a funk. I don't know how else to describe it. I am totally myself, but it is the self that not many people see and I can't hide it right now. It has made me very vulnerable, it makes others uncomfortable, and everyone seems to want to fix it. I'm not a fan of being in a funk but I know that it is part of my walk. I don't like others to see the insecure me, unless I want them to. But right now I can't seem to hide that from those who know me.
I was grateful for a few people that I crossed paths with today. One was a former teacher who I saw at church. She said, "Hey, how are you?" I replied, "I'm ok." She got a semi-concerned look on her face and said, "Are you ok?" To which I replied, "I'm just in a funk lately." And that was that. No pity look, no remorsefulness, no quick fix....AND FOR THAT I WAS SO BLESSED. Another person is a friend that I haven't talked to for a while. She called to talk about humidifiers and asked how I was doing. I could tell her exactly how I am...lonely, hurting, frustrated with some things at school, in a funk. And she just encouraged me. Another friend and I were emailing back and forth and she asked where I had been going to church lately. I told her that this whole church hunting is wearing on me right now and that satan is attacking. She didn't try to solve anything, she just encouraged me that this is a season and God will use it.
I'm going to be honest (like I always am).....Sometimes we just have a "bad" day, or don't want to put on our happy shield, or are going through a season in life where IT IS OK TO NOT HAVE THE PERKY ATTITUDE! I'm not going to lie to someone when they ask how I am, just to avoid an awkward moment. I want to be honest. I want to be real. My honesty may encourage someone else to know that it's ok not to "have it all together" every moment of every day.
News flash: I AM A HUMAN BEING and God tells me I will go through trying times. My walk is not perfect, nor am I. But my God is perfect, His love endures all, and His timing is best for me. So, I am going to embrace this funk. I am going to be honest with people that I am hurting right now. And I am going to continue clinging to my heavenly Father, knowing that He has be in His hands.
Monday, January 24, 2011
I'm Not Alright!
Today was a day where, if you know me very well, you could probably tell that I'm not alright. Now I am VERY GOOD at putting up a great front. And my day was all-around good. But I am not alright right now. I am lonely, worn out, and battling the world.
The "world" seems to think that I have a disease called singleness. According to the world, primarily the midwest, this is a nasty disease that must have some underlying explanation. This disease warrants the ever-so-famous "I'm sorry," or "there's GOT to be someone for you," or (my favorite) "no one is good enough for you?!" Ugh...it is exhausting. I am okay 95% of the time.
However, today falls into that 5% of not being ok. I'm tired of wondering if I am doing something wrong. I'm tired of wondering when my day will come. I'm tired of this longing in my heart to minister in ways that are not possible outside of marriage. I am tired of being lonely. I am tired of putting on a happy face when my insides are absolutely crushed.
I'm not alright today. And I think it is perfectly ok to have this day. I know tomorrow is a new day. I know that I don't have a disease. I know that the world is fighting for my soul. But I know who I am and WHOSE I am. My soul is spoken for. And HE knows that I am not alright today. And I know that HE will give me peace.
Here is the song that I am clinging to today. "I'm not alright" by Sanctus Real. You can watch the music video here. This is the chorus:
I'm not alright, I'm broken inside
Broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to You
It leads me to You
The "world" seems to think that I have a disease called singleness. According to the world, primarily the midwest, this is a nasty disease that must have some underlying explanation. This disease warrants the ever-so-famous "I'm sorry," or "there's GOT to be someone for you," or (my favorite) "no one is good enough for you?!" Ugh...it is exhausting. I am okay 95% of the time.
However, today falls into that 5% of not being ok. I'm tired of wondering if I am doing something wrong. I'm tired of wondering when my day will come. I'm tired of this longing in my heart to minister in ways that are not possible outside of marriage. I am tired of being lonely. I am tired of putting on a happy face when my insides are absolutely crushed.
I'm not alright today. And I think it is perfectly ok to have this day. I know tomorrow is a new day. I know that I don't have a disease. I know that the world is fighting for my soul. But I know who I am and WHOSE I am. My soul is spoken for. And HE knows that I am not alright today. And I know that HE will give me peace.
Here is the song that I am clinging to today. "I'm not alright" by Sanctus Real. You can watch the music video here. This is the chorus:
I'm not alright, I'm broken inside
Broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to You
It leads me to You
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Unexpected Day!
Thank you God for today. School was closed today due to crappy roads and I was happy. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MY JOB! But today, I just needed a day.
I have been going going going....blogging, reading, grading, teaching, visiting friends, coaching, church hunting.... I needed a day for me. I really do love being busy, but sometimes I forget how great a day off is.
And, I had a minor melt down last night. I have been very lonely lately. For the most part, it has been a good lonely. However, sometimes I find that satan works his grimy, snarling hooks into the good and twists it with lies. Last night, I couldn't fight anymore and cried for a good hour. I am just finding that this season of life is TOUGH! I am in-between churches, lacking community, and wonder if God is going to do anything about it.
Then, I get today. I had my quiet time (read about it here ), drank some coffee, relaxed on the couch with Linus, worked on some fun things, and stayed in my jammies and glasses! It was much needed. And it reminded me that God is fully aware of me and my life and my struggles and my needs.
Thank you, God, for today.
I have been going going going....blogging, reading, grading, teaching, visiting friends, coaching, church hunting.... I needed a day for me. I really do love being busy, but sometimes I forget how great a day off is.
And, I had a minor melt down last night. I have been very lonely lately. For the most part, it has been a good lonely. However, sometimes I find that satan works his grimy, snarling hooks into the good and twists it with lies. Last night, I couldn't fight anymore and cried for a good hour. I am just finding that this season of life is TOUGH! I am in-between churches, lacking community, and wonder if God is going to do anything about it.
Then, I get today. I had my quiet time (read about it here ), drank some coffee, relaxed on the couch with Linus, worked on some fun things, and stayed in my jammies and glasses! It was much needed. And it reminded me that God is fully aware of me and my life and my struggles and my needs.
Thank you, God, for today.
Sunday, January 09, 2011
Hoarfrost
hoarfrost: frozen dew that forms a white coating on a surface. Also called white frost.Did you see it this morning? It was everywhere and it was absolutely breath-taking! I couldn't help but wonder if that was just for me. I know it's a selfish thing to think, but I thought it.
Do you ever have those moments when you pray with all your might that God would do something JUST FOR YOU? Something to affirm that He hears you? Something that is specific to who you are as a person?
Hoarfrost was my answer this morning. God knows me. He knows that I notice creation. He knows that I LOVE snow. He knows that frost like this morning's melts me.
And to HIM I give the glory.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
The Start of Something
I'm starting the new year with 2, yes 2, daily "things" and a NEW blog, 365 Days of 2011, that you can view here.
I know it is rather cliche' to start new things with a new year, but it makes sense. I mean, it is a NEW year so why not start something NEW. Seriously it's a no-brainer!
So, what are my new things you ask.... Well I have vowed to take a picture every day. I am also reading through the Bible, one day at a time, for the entire year!!! I have 4 chapters down and a lot more to go.
Why, you ask, did I decide these 2 things. I'll tell you..... Reading through the Bible in a year is something I have always wanted to try. So much so that I have attempted it at least 4 times before this. This time is different. I have a deep down desire to do this, to develop discipline, to spend daily time in the Word. The pictures, well I have a great camera and I just don't use it enough. So I am challenging myself to take a picture every day. I am by no means a photographer, but I like to take pics.
There you have it. The start of something new. I am going to try to be more consistent about posting on here too. So, feel free to hassle me if I am not.
Much love to you who read and HAPPY 2011!
I know it is rather cliche' to start new things with a new year, but it makes sense. I mean, it is a NEW year so why not start something NEW. Seriously it's a no-brainer!
So, what are my new things you ask.... Well I have vowed to take a picture every day. I am also reading through the Bible, one day at a time, for the entire year!!! I have 4 chapters down and a lot more to go.
Why, you ask, did I decide these 2 things. I'll tell you..... Reading through the Bible in a year is something I have always wanted to try. So much so that I have attempted it at least 4 times before this. This time is different. I have a deep down desire to do this, to develop discipline, to spend daily time in the Word. The pictures, well I have a great camera and I just don't use it enough. So I am challenging myself to take a picture every day. I am by no means a photographer, but I like to take pics.
There you have it. The start of something new. I am going to try to be more consistent about posting on here too. So, feel free to hassle me if I am not.
Much love to you who read and HAPPY 2011!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Lessons Learned in "Twenty Ten"
I've been rather reminiscent this Christmas Break. It has been very good, very healing, and very encouraging. I don't know if I am the only one who does this (I'm guessing I'm not alone), but I always take time to think back through my year. I journaled some of my thoughts:
This has been a good year, strange, but good. I've grown (mostly in the past 3 months). I've learned by my mistakes that God is SO good, gracious, and protecting.
I've learned that I am worthy of love and pursuit.
I've learned that my body is a temple/dwelling of God and I need to take better care - physically, emotionally, spiritually.
I've been reminded of the amazing friends that have been put in my life. I'm not sure I could have made it through some days without their love, concern, and prayers.
I've learned that I go through seasons in life. They are part of HIS plan and will grow me.
I've learned that it is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone. No matter the intentions, someone will be upset.
I've learned that I am a strong woman. Heartache and pain have pushed me to seek out strength from the Lord. Strength. His strength can get me through the toughest of times.
I've learned that I really desire to be a wife and mom. It is not just a girlish dream. It is deep in my heart for HIS kingdom
I've learned that God is the only one I can trust 100% with my heart. Anyone else is a risk, but those risks must be taken.
I've learned that I am going to mess up, BIG TIME! But God can and will redeem me when I come to Him.
I've learned that I'm glad this isn't the end for me. I have a wonderful life, but it comes with pain. I'm anxious for the day when I am truly home...for eternity...with my Savior.
I've learned that I am worthy of love and pursuit.
I've learned that my body is a temple/dwelling of God and I need to take better care - physically, emotionally, spiritually.
I've been reminded of the amazing friends that have been put in my life. I'm not sure I could have made it through some days without their love, concern, and prayers.
I've learned that I go through seasons in life. They are part of HIS plan and will grow me.
I've learned that it is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone. No matter the intentions, someone will be upset.
I've learned that I am a strong woman. Heartache and pain have pushed me to seek out strength from the Lord. Strength. His strength can get me through the toughest of times.
I've learned that I really desire to be a wife and mom. It is not just a girlish dream. It is deep in my heart for HIS kingdom
I've learned that God is the only one I can trust 100% with my heart. Anyone else is a risk, but those risks must be taken.
I've learned that I am going to mess up, BIG TIME! But God can and will redeem me when I come to Him.
I've learned that I'm glad this isn't the end for me. I have a wonderful life, but it comes with pain. I'm anxious for the day when I am truly home...for eternity...with my Savior.
It truly has been a good year. I am looking forward to the next year. Where will God take me?
Saturday, December 25, 2010
How many times have you prayed "THE PRAYER"
It usually starts like this:
"If there is anyone here today that doesn't know Jesus, I want you to pray this simple prayer with me." -pastor
I will admit, I have prayed that prayer EVERY time I hear those words at the end of a message. I gave my heart to Jesus over 13 years ago! But I never fail to pray that prayer. And I always wonder WHY I feel the need to pray it. I know where I am with Jesus. I know that I have personal relationship. And I KNOW him. But I just can't stop myself.
Yesterday morning I was catching up on the sermon series "REBEL" from Grace Community Church. I was in tears the entire time. At the end of the message, during prayer, Pastor Jim said those words from the beginning of this post. I found myself sitting at my desk, tears falling to the desktop, arms wide open, praying that prayer. The prayer of salvation.
Why do we....maybe it's just me....but why do I do this? Is it uncertainty in my salvation? Is it support for those who are praying for the FIRST time? Is it so that those around me hear me?
No.
No.
No.
I'll tell you why I do this.
Matthew 16:24 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'"
Luke 9:23 "Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, eh must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'"
John 12:25-26 "'The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.'"
We are called to DAILY surrender ourselves to God and HIS good, pleasing, and perfect will. THE PRAYER should be a daily prayer for believers; confessing our sin, acknowledging the need for Jesus to intercede in our lives, humbling ourselves before the Creator of all that is.
Pastor Jim's message made me look at things a little bit different, see things in a new way. Be blessed this day, the day of Jesus's birth. Not because a precious, cute baby was born but because the Savior of the world was delivered to earth. He was born and had a mission...a mission to live, minister, love, proclaim God, be an example, serve, die, and rise to live FOREVER.
Yesterday morning I was catching up on the sermon series "REBEL" from Grace Community Church. I was in tears the entire time. At the end of the message, during prayer, Pastor Jim said those words from the beginning of this post. I found myself sitting at my desk, tears falling to the desktop, arms wide open, praying that prayer. The prayer of salvation.
Why do we....maybe it's just me....but why do I do this? Is it uncertainty in my salvation? Is it support for those who are praying for the FIRST time? Is it so that those around me hear me?
No.
No.
No.
I'll tell you why I do this.
Matthew 16:24 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.'"
Luke 9:23 "Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, eh must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.'"
John 12:25-26 "'The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.'"
We are called to DAILY surrender ourselves to God and HIS good, pleasing, and perfect will. THE PRAYER should be a daily prayer for believers; confessing our sin, acknowledging the need for Jesus to intercede in our lives, humbling ourselves before the Creator of all that is.
Pastor Jim's message made me look at things a little bit different, see things in a new way. Be blessed this day, the day of Jesus's birth. Not because a precious, cute baby was born but because the Savior of the world was delivered to earth. He was born and had a mission...a mission to live, minister, love, proclaim God, be an example, serve, die, and rise to live FOREVER.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
this morning
Here is my view this morning....
The snow is beginning to fall. I am catching up on stuff....email, Facebook, blog reading, sermon watching, stuff. As I was reading my friend Marah's blog I came across this video. It was a good reminder for me.
I have struggled this year with the "stuff" of Christmas. For those of you who know me, that is not normal. I find pure joy in giving to others. I don't know if it is financial issues. I don't know if it is because of the season of life. I don't know if God is really trying to dig into my heart. I just want to spend time with people. That would make me happier than giving gifts. Time would make me happier than getting gifts. Time is what I want to give this year.
This video got me thinking about Christmas. What is it that I truly love about the Christmas season?
The snow is beginning to fall. I am catching up on stuff....email, Facebook, blog reading, sermon watching, stuff. As I was reading my friend Marah's blog I came across this video. It was a good reminder for me. I have struggled this year with the "stuff" of Christmas. For those of you who know me, that is not normal. I find pure joy in giving to others. I don't know if it is financial issues. I don't know if it is because of the season of life. I don't know if God is really trying to dig into my heart. I just want to spend time with people. That would make me happier than giving gifts. Time would make me happier than getting gifts. Time is what I want to give this year.
This video got me thinking about Christmas. What is it that I truly love about the Christmas season?
I love that Jesus is EVERYWHERE! Seriously, this is HIS birthday celebration.
I see so many of the people that don't live close by as they come home to be with family.
Christmas music!!!!
I spend loads of time with my family.
Being at home with my puppy (new for me this year).
Opening my home for friends to come over and visit. This truly makes my heart happy.
This year - SNOW!!!!!
I see so many of the people that don't live close by as they come home to be with family.
Christmas music!!!!
I spend loads of time with my family.
Being at home with my puppy (new for me this year).
Opening my home for friends to come over and visit. This truly makes my heart happy.
This year - SNOW!!!!!
None of that has to do with buying things. None of it has to do with getting stuff. Don't get me wrong, that is all good, but this time of year is SO MUCH MORE than all of that!
Jesus truly is the reason for this time. It is named after HIM, for HIM, in honor of HIM. We should be like HIM and give this season. We should be like HIM and rejoice in our Heavenly Father this season. We should be like HIM and consider those less fortunate.
Those are just my thoughts this morning as I sit and catch up on the stuff of my life. I am ever grateful for the life that I have. I am blessed by the snow that is falling. I am humbled that God sent his Son to earth over 2000 years ago so that I could be in this moment this morning, in awe of what I have because of what HE gave.
Jesus truly is the reason for this time. It is named after HIM, for HIM, in honor of HIM. We should be like HIM and give this season. We should be like HIM and rejoice in our Heavenly Father this season. We should be like HIM and consider those less fortunate.
Those are just my thoughts this morning as I sit and catch up on the stuff of my life. I am ever grateful for the life that I have. I am blessed by the snow that is falling. I am humbled that God sent his Son to earth over 2000 years ago so that I could be in this moment this morning, in awe of what I have because of what HE gave.
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